[Pepsiholic2013]

with my roommate/landlord/friend!

At the same time, I think of the quote by Carl G. Jung, "Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to a better understanding of ourselves."

I believe that her "caring" (in actuality, I do believe she suffers from fears of abandonment where she resorts to clinging behavior that drives others away) is just too much for me.

This time, I woke up to a call from Other Friend in which he wanted to know if I was alright and to please call R/L/F to let her know that I'm alright as well. I got off the phone and saw (what in my opinion is an excessive amount of phone calls) four missed phone calls from Other Friend and one missed call from R/L/F. I knew instantly what this was about (and I felt livid as we've been through this before and have discussed it before - and it just continues). I sent R/L/F a text that stated, "So what's going on?" to which she replied, "We're all snorting cocaine and having an orgy. We need you! Other friend can't find his pecker. It's attached with velcro. Bring your p---- so we can shave it." She then called and wanted to know why I wasn't answering her earlier text, said that she got worried and started to think I may have been out skating or cycling and got hit by a car and now I'm lying on the road bleeding to death or that some psycho kidnapped me and now I'm being murdered or raped. I told her that I was fine - that I was sleeping and am very tired and just want to spend this inside the house resting and relaxing. I told her that I didn't want to go out or talk on the phone, that I just wanted to be by myself today.

I still got another call from her later on during the evening. She wanted to know why I wanted to be alone, if I was mad, etc. She then invited me to come hang out with her and another friend - to which I let her know again that I want to be by myself today and to stay in. She then proceeded to tell me that the Other Friend seems like a person that you can have too much of and need some space (LOL LMAO! in my head at that point). She then let me know that last night she didn't really like Other Friend since it seemed like he was flirting with her husband (which, in my opinion he was not... was his usual self). She said that when we left, since she and her husband took separate cars and she couldn't see her husband behind her on the highway that she began to imagine Other Friend talking about manly stuff with her husband then convincing her husband to let him (Other Friend) give her husband a blow job, then having sex, etc. So then she kept trying to call her husband (pulled over on the side of the highway at that) and her husband assured her that was NOT the case.

Here's what led up to this incident: I started a new job recently and am now work Mon - Fri 8 AM - 5 PM; on Wednesday I bowl in a league from 6 PM - 9 PM, this past Thursday I attended a social networking event from 6 PM - 9 PM after work and then a show at a bar my friend was performing in from 10 PM - 1 AM, and on Friday after work I drove out of town to see a friend and then back in town for dinner (around 10 PM when I got home). On Friday night, I went to bed around midnight. I woke up around 6 AM and read, surfed the internet, went to grab breakfast, and then started to feel sleepy again around 11 AM so laid back down. Since I'm sleeping/resting, my phone has been set to silent. I don't want to be disturbed. I've been out all this week and busy almost all day each day, and on Sunday I'm travelling out of state. I wanted Saturday to just be a rest and relaxation day all to myself.

Missed Calls:

Roommate/Landlord/Friend 12:11 PM,

Other Friend - 12:23 PM, 12:23 PM, 3:12 PM, 3:35 PM.

I finally answered the 4:30 PM call from Other Friend in which he let me know that Roommate/Landlord/Friend is worried about me.

This is not the first time that something like this happened before. The first time was when I first moved in. I didn't respond to her texts and phone calls (was sleeping) and she ended up calling both places of my work, my other friends and family (got contact info from Facebook), as well as posting on my wall saying that she hasn't seen from me or heard from me and thinks I may be missing and to contact her if they know my whereabouts. When I did wake up, I had missed calls and texts from everyone I knew including both workplaces! I explained what happened (sleeping) and she told me that she's freaking out worried since I just moved from a small town to the small but largest city in the state that I'm naive and went for a walk in the park on down the street and that a stranger lured me into his apartment and made me put the lotion on my skin or give me the hose again! I kindly explained that this was a bit much, to which she seemed angry and replied defensively, "I'M GOING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE SURE THAT MY FRIENDS ARE OK!"

The next big incident was when we were eating at a restaurant with another friend. I had a tooth abcess and was taking 800 mg Ibuprofen and an antibiotic. The pain reliever wore off, and I was in excrutiating pain and was not able to concentrate on eating or the conversation. I got up and explained what was going on and said that I'm going to go to the bathroom for a few minutes until it calmns down. I instead took a walk around the building (literally, the restaurant building) and when I came back inside she was up front with all the employees providing a description of me! She was relieved to see me and said that she got up to go check on me and that I wasn't in the bathroom so she immediately thought that some stranger must have kidnapped me or something happened to me.

I've tried explaining that her behavior is just TOO FREAKING MUCH! Yes, it's a possibility that I may be drugged, kidnapped, murdered, etc. but it's a slim possibility! And I have other things like work, other friends, social engagements, etc. that occupy my time other than her. She, however, thinks that I'm the crazy one! Doesn't understand how I can just let something happen to my friends... ugggh!

I get so frustrated with her that I've actually not enjoyed her coming around anymore...

What do you all think about this? Is there something else or more that I could or should be doing?

[unaluna]

She has a pretty active imagination. She has control issues, and a lot of hostility. Is she in therapy or on drugs or what? Maybe she needs a cat.

[avlady]

She seems a bit unusual, you need your space from this person definately. I would try to cut her out of your life for while, or just explain how you feel in the way she treats you, you don't like it. She may not want to hear it, but tell her you need your time for yourself sometimes and it makes you uncomfortable when she does these things.

[Perna]

I think you need to deal with all the boundary crossing going on.

"I feel you are being extremely disrespectful of me and my boundaries. If I find you have communicated with someone from my life by getting their name off of my Facebook page again, I will have to unfriend you on Facebook and make it so you can no longer see my page or communicate with me that way."

To Other Friend you say, "Please to not call me about someone else's concerns. I love hearing about how you life is going but I will not talk with you about my relationship with someone else."

Let your friends know what you will accept/not accept in your life, your boundaries and the consequences of their being crossed.

"Do not call me at work. If you call my work number again, I will get a cease-and-desist order to protect my privacy from you."

"I do not want to talk to you on the phone more than once a day. If you call me more than once I will block all of your calls and no longer take any phone calls from you."

[Pepsiholic2013]

Alright... amidst all that I had to do today, I attempted to set boundaries with both friends with a text message.

I sent my Landlord/Rooommate/Friend the following text message, "L/R/F, yesterday was very frustrating for me. I appreciate your concern for me - its good to know there are caring people out there. However, there needs to be limits on this caring. We've been through this before; when I first moved in, at the restaurant when I went for a walk to be alone since my tooth was hurting, etc. it seems like if I don't respond right away, the worst possible situation comes into mind and frightens you. There are a million other possibilities though; perhaps I'm busy with work, my phone is on silent, I'm with others, doing something else, or just simply want to be left alone. Try to view texting and calling as a game of tennis; once you throw the ball in my court give me time and wait for me to throw it back... what do you think?"

She then tried to call me back (but I was busy and also texting the Other Friend) and so her call was sent to voicemail. I tried getting a verbatim copy of her voicemail (leaving out "Uhmmm" and such), so here's the best that I could do:

Voice-mail from Landlord/Roommate/Friend: "I respect your text message. I am going to be honest and open as you've been with me. I do not agree with how you handled the comment on Facebook. I feel that it was not as mature as what you could have done because it was a one time thing and you could have just deleted the comment. Instead you chose to - I really felt humiliated and kind of scolded. You said that you were learning to build boundaries and confront people. I really don't think confrontation is always the best thing - it was just a silly comment made by a friend to a friend. I thought that it would be okay; I understand that you were upset because you're friends with church and people you work with but I'm not friends with those kinds of people on FB, because my FB is a place where I can be myself and be friends with whoever. Also you just sent me a bunch of text messages saying -oh IDK- you were upset that I get upset when I can't find you. I'm sorry that's just how I am with my any of my friends. If I can't find someone for, let's say I haven't seen them, for twenty four hours and people are saying they aren't answering their phone or responding to texts and you know you say you went to sleep you know you slept for over twelve hours, according to you, so that does make me concerned and if you can't recognize it as me being concerned I'm going to have to stop being as friendly with you and that really makes me sad. I don't think we should text anymore, I don't think we should e-mail each other anymore. If you need to call me about rent or something like that or something going on at the house please give me a call. But I'm not going to want big long texts anymore. Or maybe you can e-mail me. Alright! You have a great day and I will not be texting you anymore."

*Please note, the Facebook incident that she's referring to is about the comment that she left on a photo I posted of myself at my cousin's wedding. A lot of my family members and people from church were liking the photo and commenting on it. She left the following comment, "I'd like to tie him to a bed and stick a twizzler up his a--."

I deleted her comment as well as left her feedback (this isn't the first time she's done this - once I posted a blurry pic of my bowling league teammates and I and someone asked how come it was blurry - and she replied that it was the steam from their v-----s and how I make them wet). Since I just deleted and didn't give her feedback, this time I wanted to give her feedback and I sent her the following message, "Hey, I didn't like this comment because this is a photo from a family event and those are my family that are commenting and liking it. The comment was a bit much for here. I'm actually working on establishing and maintaining better boundaries. I'm learning that not all of my comments or thoughts need to be expressed; most are best kept to myself. A large boundary that I'm working on is keeping all aspects of my sex life completely private and between only me and the other person involved. This is includes sexual comments and humor. I don't mind if you say that to me in person though (unless we're around others from work, school, church, neighbors, etc)! Take care and hope to see you around soon!"

She replied with, "i respect your feelings but am very sad that my humor was misunderstood. Since your FB is something that I cannot openly share, I am going to pull back from communicating via FB. I do not allow clients or church members to be friends with me on FB for just thius reason. Again, I completely respect your feelings."




Ugggh... I think I may even feel more frustrated now than before! She completely changed the subject in her response and made it all about the Facebook comment. She made herself seem like the victim in everything. She also couldn't understand that I don't want her to have an all out search party for me and that I need my space - her response of that's just me and how I am and treated me like I was the crazy one because I can't understand that she's just concerned. It's more of an intrusion to me really! Sometimes I just want my own space - she and I had just went out to eat and grab a drink the night before!

I honestly don't even know where to go from here. She doesn't want texts - so I can call or e-mail (thinking in writing may be better). I don't even know how to address this from here.

SOS!

*********************************************************

Here's my texts to my Other Friend -

Me: I felt annoyed, frustrated, and angry yesterday when I woke up to around five missed calls from you. If you call and leave a voicemail, I usually respond within twenty four hours (same with text messaging). There's no need to continue doing so... Try to view these interactions as a game of tennis, when you call or text me it's like throwing the ball into my side of the court. It's then once I get the ball that I hit it back over to you if I can (return call or text). Until then, just wait patiently as I may be distracted from the game. I realize that L/R/F may have asked you to do so - and you can simply let someone else know that if they have issues or concerns with me that they can contact me themselves to resolve it. I look forward to spending time with you and going to a game soon!:

Other Friend: Who had issues with u? And ui tghough wer goin tpo the game thats y i called cus i didnmt wanna miss it

Me: When I first answered your phone call you told me that she was worried about me and to answer her or call her and let her know that I'm ok. Please don't call me for anyone else - I'm happy to focus on you, me, us when we're together but you don't need to be a middle man. She could have called me herself. I realize you wanted to go to the game - that's fine. Very sorry for bailing out - will have to make that up to you sometime.

Other Friend: I never said that she was freaking cus u didnt answer the first two time i called u n she started saying wierd **** wasnt me logan

Other Friend: she didnt even have my phone tho unless she used it wen her husband wads doing my water heater.

Me: I had five missed call from your phone number yesterday during that time - 12:23 PM, 12:23 PM, 3:12 PM, 3:35 PM, and 4:30 PM. I know you did tell me to answer her or call her since she's worried - because I remember being like, "Oh great... Not this again!" in my head. I'm not mad or disappointed in you - you didn't know.

Other Friend: Yea cus she was annoying nme i needed u

Me: Ok - one call with a voicemail or text will do

[Pepsiholic2013]

PS:// she just deleted me and blocked me from her Facebook

[unaluna]

She needs medication - and I mean that in the kindest way, because she reminds me of a younger me. Something is very wrong there. Really no sense of boundaries. Was she abused? Something was messed up.

[Citrine]

Originally Posted by hankster

She has a pretty active imagination. She has control issues, and a lot of hostility. Is she in therapy or on drugs or what? Maybe she needs a cat.

Thats insulting. Cats dont like to be around people like this.

[Citrine]

I think she sounds a bit nuts. Undiagnosed non lucid nuts. She may be on drugs? or needs meds?

[unaluna]

Originally Posted by Citrine

Thats insulting. Cats dont like to be around people like this.

Wait... what? Active imagination - always staring at NOTHING; hostile and control issues - cats ARE people like this!! Honestly you made me lol! You're right, I wouldn't want to do that to a cat!

[healingme4me]

Unless, her first reply in the first major paragraph, was tongue in cheek, there's a serious lack of respect. Even if, it's not tongue in cheek, there's a serious lack of respect. If it's not tongue in cheek, even if the substance is removed, the person, underneath will remain the same.

She blocked, FB. R/L/F sounds like treatment is needed, whether it be rehab or therapy...which therapy would come through rehab.

[Pepsiholic2013]

She's not on drugs as far as I know or can tell. She does have Xanax, and she does self-medicate with wine. She has indeed been abused in the past - her father was a black-out alcoholic and would come home and beat her mom and yell at the children. One night, the mom took off without a notice and never came back. They are in touch now; mom lives in retirement home way down in the deep south. The father after that happened, ended up meeting another woman and ran off with her. Even though they live just twenty minutes or so apart, they only see or talk to each other when they need something. She's been living in this same house all this time, fixing it up, living here, etc. Her father just told her that he's not giving her the house - but to his wife (her stepmom's) son and his girlfriend since they are getting married and planning a family. After both the mom and dad left, she was raised by her grandmother. She will tell both funny (cute grandmother stories) and mean stories about her grandmother - like the grandmother pulling her hair, calling her an ugly slut when she was a little girl, locking her out of the house at night and then calling the police in the morning saying that R/L/F ran away, etc. The grandmother was sexually molested/raped by her father her entire childhood until she left home (generations of sexual abuse in this family). The R/L/F ended up having two kids when a teenager with a guy that ended up being addicted to heroin (they don't know what happened to him now - last saw him a few years ago on the streets all skinny and with all his teeth missing - would be in mid-30s today). The R/L/F ended up marrying a man that is a registered sex offender (found out he was having an affair/relationship with his pre-teen/early teenaged daughter), with her son and daughter living together with them both. She would tell me stories about how much she loves her husband, and yet she was so afraid for her daughter that she wouldn't let her out of sight. If R/L/F was in the shower - she would make the daughter sit outside with her back facing her! She thought this was so loving and doesn't understand why her daughter can't stand her - and when she told me that I thought, "Holy hell!!! I don't blame her daughter for having too much of her mom! No wonder she wants away so badly!" Both her daughter and son have been taken out of her custody and are living with her father (no longer an alcoholic). Her son has been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder - and both kids are in alternative school and have emotional problems. Blames the judge's decision about the kids saying that the judge didn't like her because she was jealous of her (her pretty blonde hair, etc).

She's had numerous people block her on Facebook, avoid contact with her, freak out on her, etc. Always, she's the victim, they were jealous of her and didn't like her, etc.

She does have animals. In fact, in her country home she has an entire family of chickens, ducks, rabbits, five dogs, some foster pets, and many numerous cats around the place.

She has attempted therapy many times in the past... but each time there's always a "problem." This last time things seemed to be going great until she missed an appointment (bad time management) and the therapist never called her - if he's too busy to call me then he doesn't have time or care about me, etc. She's never gone past a few appointments. Totally turned off toward the idea of therapy.

[unaluna]

Wow. She's like her own tv reality show. Poor thing. I mean she's had it rough.