He likes me!? He likes me not!? He likes me!? Likes me not!?

Back in October 2012 (still kind of new to the city I'm in at the time) I met another man that I really liked at a social networking event - he was a lot older too (Twenty-four years apart actually - I'm 24, he's 48).

Nothing ever happened since then up until recently. We had seen each other since then - overlapping friends, same hangout places, etc. and never anything more than the casual hello and small talk. We did make out once at a bar when really drunk, and then another time at a friend's apartment.

A few months ago I ended up really connecting with him when we both ended up at the bar on slow night. We walked out to my car and made out and then I left and went home. I sent him a text message saying that I'm glad I really got to know him tonight and that I would like to spend more time with him. He replied that he was very glad to hear that - that he's tired of other people saying they want this or that and then being fake. He said he respected me a lot for not doing anything more than just making out. He said he liked me a lot too and wanted to spend more time with me.

We haven't been together that much since then. We went out to eat two times at a restaurant in town that we both like, and have hung out at a bar here and there occasionally. Each time has been followed by a make out session but without going further (I get nervous).

I don't want to go further with him until he tells me his HIV status. I've heard from other people that he is HIV+. He is very private and doesn't like to talk about negative things much - it took him years to tell his best friend that his dad died (and he has talked about his dad with me; but never any mention that his dad died years ago). If he is HIV+, then I need him to be honest with me. I would still consider becoming intimate with him, but would always wear protection. I need him to be honest though - although I've never told him that (how would I bring that up without saying other people know and have told me things).

Recently, we met up because I had to go shopping for a pair of shoes. He said we could go to Kohl's since he has a Kohl's card and I can get his discount on top of whatever the sale price was - so went to Kohl's and bought some boat shoes. I decided that I needed the next lowest size since there was too much movement in the heel - and so we met up again to exchange. The store didn't have the next lowest size so he said he would order it online for me.

We ran into each other at the bar a few days later and I asked him about it, and he said he hadn't ordered them. I think I may have pestered him about it. I also had a little bit to drink and kept hugging him - he didn't hug back or have his legs/knees turned toward me (body language looking back wasn't really into me at the time).

Then I heard nothing from him. No texts, no phone calls, etc. I sent him a text a few weeks later asking if he wanted to go to a festival with me, and got nothing back.

I was hanging out with another friend one day and he started to tell me about him and another one of his friends having a little tiffy with each other because they both met and liked the same guy that they met on Adam4Adam (a gay sex hookup website). The other friend of my friend ended up being the guy that I liked (the one I'm talking about in this thread).

Then we ran into each other this past Thursday night while at a social networking event (the same one where we met each other back in October 2012; but at a different venue). Things seemed a bit awkward between us at first, but then he came back and sat next to me and started to introduce me to people he knew since I wasn't speaking much. Then we ran into each other after the event at the bar (a mutual friend was in a show) and he ended up making out with me, hugging me, etc. He asked me if I had got his texts, told me that he kept texting me but he thought I was ignoring him. I told him I've got nothing, and he said that I must've blocked him (I haven't). Then he gets up to go get another drink - and when I look back over he's over in the corner dancing and making out with another young guy (right across from me)!

I felt so hurt and betrayed and tears formed in my eyes. I was angry at him - I wanted to punch him! I wanted to hurt the other guy too! I didn't do anything though except kept enjoying the show (this was a major accomplishment of mine, in the past I would've left and let it ruin my night). The show was fabulous; one of the best nights ever and also one of the worst. This guy was the first guy I've shown an interest in for over a year, and he's the furthest I've gone with in over six years (yes, just making out).

I'm still struggling with whether or not he likes me. I once texted him that I found it a bit hard to get to know him and that I do want to know him better and he replied, "You'll probably be better off not doing so..." Even if he's no longer interested in me, doesn't want to pursue a relationship or anything... I still want to know if he truly liked me or not. I'm hoping that he did - and that life just got in the way. I'd like to work things out... but don't know what to do. I feel very discouraged; like it's not worth putting myself out there anymore 'cause I only get hurt when doing so.

It sounds like he is more trouble than he is worth... sorry to say, and it sounds like he has some issues with his hot and cold behaviour, and that he's not that into you. It's very hard, but perhaps let this one go? Sometimes we never get the answers we want either, which is hard.

Please do not let the above bit put you off. I know you're hurting at the moment, but this man shouldn't be the yard-stick with which you measure all potential partners. He was just the wrong one, wrong time. There will be more stable and more straight-forward people out there for you!

Hugs.

Thank you for your reply riotgrrrl! Your response has both confirmed what I needed or wanted to hear, as well as what I didn't want to hear. I do believe that I may have fallen for someone who is unavailable; which I have a history of doing... yet somewhere within me, I want to believe that he's special, he's nice. I see his personality in public and he seems so sweet to others including myself. I guess I am going to have to just keep on living my life and to try to meet other people - but here's the thing... everyone that has ever talked to me that was interested in me as ended up having problems (drug addiction, full blown personality disorders [usually Borderline and Narcissistic], extreme low self-esteem, etc)... how come normal or health people never show an interest in me?

I am not sure why you attract these folk with problems.. Where do you meet them as a norm? I wonder if it's worth trying something new. And I wonder too if that it's your own kindness and understanding (you seem to come over as very patient with this 48 year old man, wanting to over-look the bad behaviour even tho he's given you the ring-around) that makes them want to be with you? Some people like to abuse kindness. Perhaps being a little more strict with yourself and how much rubbish you put up with may help - it certainly will help with the heartache anyway. You really do deserve better, and to be with someone who's as kind as you.
How is your own self-esteem too? Sometimes feeling unworthy can attract the wrong sort, whereas giving off a vibe of confidence and self-worth can attract similar sorts.

Anyway, please ignore me if am talking rubbish! I wish you well, and please be kind to yourself while you heal. Go spoil yourself, do something nice, see a good friend.

Hugs.

I hope you can heal from this situation, i say you are too god for this man. I'm sure he does like you and alot, but maybe he's going through some things you don't know about and he's afraid of being confronted? I'm sorry I don't have much to say about this but i think you should keep your head up and look for someone as nice as you

If he likes you, you'll know. He'll make it obvious to you and if he doesn't, he's probably too shy and too much trouble. If he doesn't, you'll be confused. If you like someone, your mind will try to come up with all of these weird different reasons and signs to convince you that he does like you back in order to protect your feelings even though they are so minor that they mean nothing.