[CaptainKirk]

I've just noticed some differences in treatment between my brothers and I. My biggest concern is that our parents will never take my side if there is a conflict between me and any of my siblings. They are always right and I am always lying, in my father's eyes. I'm not sure what I've done to make him think that, but he won't trust me with anything. I must be supervised and I'm not allowed to leave the house for more than a half hour. My brothers are allowed as much time on the computer as they like, while my time is restricted to two hours. When my math hating younger brother claimed that he is going to be an engineer, he was told to go for it. When I wanted to become a doctor, I was told that I would never make it. I realize that my grades are not the best, but I'm trying as hard as I can. For my brothers, a good attempt is fine, but if I don't succeed I'm a failure. I was told that discrimination is wrong, but I am also told that I am insane, delusional, and wrong. They speak freely about me as if I don't exist, and if I run away in tears to hide in my room, I simply get laughed at. The whole world seems to think that I have a happy, supportive family when in reality I don't feel like I have anybody behind me or anybody to care if I lose it completely...

[Quick Eye]

I felt the same way growing up. well similar anyway. they might just expect more out of you. are you the oldest? if yes that could be why. im still in a bummer mood as well so I cant give too great of advise but I can tell you once you move out spending time with your family is much more enjoyable. no household drama or politics. I got kicked out a few times and the one time I was gone for 3 months and when I came to visit it was so much more enjoyable. usually me and my dad were at each others throats but while living somewhere else it was like we were friends. just hang in there bud. btw you can do anything you set your mind to. ANYTHING. it may take work and many rough spots but the easy route is the circle route. youll just go in circles. keep at it and youll go places...believe me.

[CaptainKirk]

Originally Posted by Quick Eye

I felt the same way growing up. well similar anyway. they might just expect more out of you. are you the oldest? if yes that could be why. im still in a bummer mood as well so I cant give too great of advise but I can tell you once you move out spending time with your family is much more enjoyable. no household drama or politics. I got kicked out a few times and the one time I was gone for 3 months and when I came to visit it was so much more enjoyable. usually me and my dad were at each others throats but while living somewhere else it was like we were friends. just hang in there bud. btw you can do anything you set your mind to. ANYTHING. it may take work and many rough spots but the easy route is the circle route. youll just go in circles. keep at it and youll go places...believe me.

I'm in the middle, actually. Alrighty then, I'll try. Okay, thanks so much.

[A Red Panda]

My family was a lot like that too...

Some examples: I had to help take care of my mom's homedaycare. All the time. If she was booked to the full, I wasn't allowed to go and visit other people. My brother never once had to help, and often had his friends over WHILE I was having to help.
My brother was allowed to use the riding lawn mower. I was never allowed near it.
Mom expected to teach me how to cook a few meals and then I would start cooking a few meals a week - I refused when I learned that my brother and dad would not be taking part in this sharing. So my mom refused to ever help teach me to cook.
My brother was in Scouts, Hockey, Baseball, and then was in school sports like Soccer, volleyball, band.
I was allowed to be in Girl Guides. Anything else was ixnayed, due to costs and the fact that dad couldn't drive me there. Yet dad managed to be home to take my broher to his hockey games, and hockey was massively more expensive than anything I wanted to do. I didn't even want to be in Girl Guides.
Punishments to me had to stick. Punishments for my brother lasted less than an hour.
My brother's lower grades were never an issue. I, on the other hand, was expected to get good enough grades to go to university, and pay for it myself.

etc etc.

And yes, I got called all sorts of names any time I stood up for myself. and my mom and brother would egg me on until I finally gave them the response they wanted; to yell back. That way they could tell me to stop yelling and to talk calmly.

It was ridiculous. I got out as soon as I left for uni, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have essentially not contact with my brother, my dad talks through my mom, and my mom I talk with via text messages. I see them usually once a year.

There is hope for you, trust me!

[CaptainKirk]

Originally Posted by A Red Panda

My family was a lot like that too...

Some examples: I had to help take care of my mom's homedaycare. All the time. If she was booked to the full, I wasn't allowed to go and visit other people. My brother never once had to help, and often had his friends over WHILE I was having to help.
My brother was allowed to use the riding lawn mower. I was never allowed near it.
Mom expected to teach me how to cook a few meals and then I would start cooking a few meals a week - I refused when I learned that my brother and dad would not be taking part in this sharing. So my mom refused to ever help teach me to cook.
My brother was in Scouts, Hockey, Baseball, and then was in school sports like Soccer, volleyball, band.
I was allowed to be in Girl Guides. Anything else was ixnayed, due to costs and the fact that dad couldn't drive me there. Yet dad managed to be home to take my broher to his hockey games, and hockey was massively more expensive than anything I wanted to do. I didn't even want to be in Girl Guides.
Punishments to me had to stick. Punishments for my brother lasted less than an hour.
My brother's lower grades were never an issue. I, on the other hand, was expected to get good enough grades to go to university, and pay for it myself.

etc etc.

And yes, I got called all sorts of names any time I stood up for myself. and my mom and brother would egg me on until I finally gave them the response they wanted; to yell back. That way they could tell me to stop yelling and to talk calmly.

It was ridiculous. I got out as soon as I left for uni, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have essentially not contact with my brother, my dad talks through my mom, and my mom I talk with via text messages. I see them usually once a year.

There is hope for you, trust me!

I get in the worst physical fights with my brother. I have never hit him but get in trouble for pinning him to the ground, while he gets away with punching and kicking me like crazy. It makes no sense to me... but thank you, that does help.

[Thomi]

It's funny you mention this @ CaptainKirk because I was just having this conversation with some of my friends. I land in the middle of my siblings too but for some reason, my parents always expected more from me and held me to stricter rules than my older and younger siblings. I had to play a sport every season during the school year and maintain my grades at an A/B level or I would be grounded, I couldn't see friends or go anywhere on weeknights and on the weekends, I had to be home 9pm sharp. I had many more chores and if my younger sister refused to do hers, I was expected to do hers as well. I had to hold a full time job in the summer, buy my own car and pay for my own car insurance while my parents gave my younger sister a car and paid for her insurance. She didn't have to work full time, play a sport each season or maintain an A/B level of grades. When my younger sister got in trouble, I was punished as well because I was supposed to be watching over her. When I was in college and she was almost a senior in high school, I was working 2 jobs over summer break and was gone most of the day and all night and when I returned home, my father freaked on me because my younger sister told him she wasn't coming home at curfew because I didn't have to. He didn't ask me where I was or what I was doing, he just started screaming at me and grabbing me around the neck because my younger sister, who was only 3 years younger than me, blamed me for her poor behavior. My father didn't hit my younger sister but he had no problem hitting me and calling me terrible names. I don't know what exactly I did to deserve his abuse, but my mother told me it's because I always got in his way so even my mother won't support me to this day. Sometimes, the people you love are toxic to you and though it's easier said than done, you need to realize that it isn't your fault.

It's hard and I am sorry you're going through this. For me, the best thing I did was to focus on what I needed to become an independent adult. I went to college (and lived in the dorms which was heaven even though I'm still paying my college loans because housing was expensive) and I made sure I worked to be able to afford to live away from home after the summer my dad lost his mind on me. I see my family as little as possible (birthdays, holidays, special occasions) and I live my own life. I have a couple good friends and a wonderful husband who are my family and I'm happy to be away from people who don't appreciate me or treat me with respect. Some day, you'll have the opportunity to move away and things will be better for you. Make sure you're as prepared as you can be for that day: focus on what you need to live independently. If you want to be a doctor, go for it! Then, once you don't live with them, you can see if their treatment of you improves. I certainly hope it does. If not, you have your own peaceful home to return to. My favorite quote on this topic is- "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." ~Richard Bach~ I hope you find people who bring joy to your life.

[CaptainKirk]

Originally Posted by Thomi

It's funny you mention this @ CaptainKirk because I was just having this conversation with some of my friends. I land in the middle of my siblings too but for some reason, my parents always expected more from me and held me to stricter rules than my older and younger siblings. I had to play a sport every season during the school year and maintain my grades at an A/B level or I would be grounded, I couldn't see friends or go anywhere on weeknights and on the weekends, I had to be home 9pm sharp. I had many more chores and if my younger sister refused to do hers, I was expected to do hers as well. I had to hold a full time job in the summer, buy my own car and pay for my own car insurance while my parents gave my younger sister a car and paid for her insurance. She didn't have to work full time, play a sport each season or maintain an A/B level of grades. When my younger sister got in trouble, I was punished as well because I was supposed to be watching over her. When I was in college and she was almost a senior in high school, I was working 2 jobs over summer break and was gone most of the day and all night and when I returned home, my father freaked on me because my younger sister told him she wasn't coming home at curfew because I didn't have to. He didn't ask me where I was or what I was doing, he just started screaming at me and grabbing me around the neck because my younger sister, who was only 3 years younger than me, blamed me for her poor behavior. My father didn't hit my younger sister but he had no problem hitting me and calling me terrible names. I don't know what exactly I did to deserve his abuse, but my mother told me it's because I always got in his way so even my mother won't support me to this day. Sometimes, the people you love are toxic to you and though it's easier said than done, you need to realize that it isn't your fault.

It's hard and I am sorry you're going through this. For me, the best thing I did was to focus on what I needed to become an independent adult. I went to college (and lived in the dorms which was heaven even though I'm still paying my college loans because housing was expensive) and I made sure I worked to be able to afford to live away from home after the summer my dad lost his mind on me. I see my family as little as possible (birthdays, holidays, special occasions) and I live my own life. I have a couple good friends and a wonderful husband who are my family and I'm happy to be away from people who don't appreciate me or treat me with respect. Some day, you'll have the opportunity to move away and things will be better for you. Make sure you're as prepared as you can be for that day: focus on what you need to live independently. If you want to be a doctor, go for it! Then, once you don't live with them, you can see if their treatment of you improves. I certainly hope it does. If not, you have your own peaceful home to return to. My favorite quote on this topic is- "The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other's life." ~Richard Bach~ I hope you find people who bring joy to your life.

Thank you so much, that really means a lot to me... Thank you, I'll keep that all in mind.