[angrymanic]

My wife and I have separated due to my lack of managing my bipolar. Since the separation I have changed my meds as as I have neglected to inform my pdoc of my issues, began therapy, and joined a support group. I have also changed my diet and began to go to the gym. I'm hoping she sees the changes but I'm afraid it's a little too late. I'm going to stay involved with my family because of the kids and the fact that I want her to see my changes. How do I go about reconnecting with my wife, without being too overbearing?

[Perna]

I would engage with your wife through engaging well with your kids. She will be able to see the changes there and in your communication with her about the joint care of them. Just tell her what you are up to (the gym, support group) as you schedule time to see the kids ("Let's see, I go to my support group on Tuesday evenings, so Tuesday is out,. . .", etc.

Let her invite you back into her life instead of pushing to be included.

[healingme4me]

I agree with Perna, here.

Keep working on yourself, and maintaining a relationship with your children.

If she decides, that she wants to try to reestablish a relationship with you, as husband and wife, great, if not, at least you will be making effective changes that the children can respect.

I am not sure, if changes alone can fix whatever troubles over time, that led to separation. Acceptance, that sometimes resentment built over time, can prevent a person from wanting to try again, is important in the separation process.

And, if it were to lead to divorce, just realize, you are setting yourself up, by changing your lifestyle and managing your illness better, for a better future.

Is your wife, also in therapy? I am having a tough time, believing that the lack of managing your bi-polar, alone, is at the heart of the matter.

[angrymanic]

The occasional manic episodes of anger when I lash out at her, never physical, she is over with. We are still staying in constant contact through text and phone calls so she is fully aware of my progress.

[BinaryMan]

I feel your pain angrymanic. I myself have bipolar and am in somewhat similar situation. My long time girlfriend of three years lived with me during my unmedicated and undiagnosed manic rages. Since then I have become medicated, joined a support group, go to counseling... but still the rift remains with us.

Women are difficult for even normal non-bipolar men to understand, let alone us with a disease that so vividly alters our reality. But if anything can be said truthfully is that women remember with their emotions. The times we yelled and screamed vile names at them, when we threw things around and punch walls and slam doors: They do not see a person suffering from bipolar, they see a man that is hurting them. And that is how it is remembered, a time of hurt and suffering where the person whom they loved with all their heart met their love with hatred and aggression. And, obviously, that is a very hard emotion to get over.

In the end there is nothing you can really do but give her space and keep her informed of your progress. It is ultimately up to her and how she perceives you. Maybe the good you do now with your treatment will slowly help erase those negative feelings from her mind. Maybe they are so strong that she will never forgive. It is a painful feeling knowing you pushed you loved one to this point. I am in such a position currently not knowing if the damage I caused is permanent.

Your in my thoughts, angrymanic. Good luck