Bad "second date"

Well it's not exactly a bad second date.

First date goes amazingly well (we have so much in common and we are very attracted to each other) BUT I am not sure the guy is serious. The next day he was a bit uneasy, which was almost cute so I asked if he maybe had things to do and he left very relieved. For me that was the end of it. You know, nice night and fun conversation and just forget about it. I am a cautious person and we barely knew each other. Just a fling basically.

He mentions a party the same evening where we can meet but it sounds like a casual meeting so I don't really listen. The afternoon, I decide "hey, why not, let's see where it leads". I ask him on skype (yeah he's very social so half the people in a room have his skype) for the name of the place. He keeps me like 30 min on there to talk about the music he likes etc... It's interesting and fun and I decide to go to the party.
He seems very keen for me to come.

He arrives, comes to me and says hello with a nice smile and... completely ignores me.
When I tell him it's rude, he says he doesn't understand and that we are not married :-O
The evening turns into a disaster, because I'm pissed of course and he makes half-hearted efforts to show me he cares but it feels not like something he wants to do but "how do I keep her from being pissed".
At some point it gets too much and I leave without saying anything.

The next day I feel a bit bad at my childish behavior. Yes, I was rightly pissed but I should have stayed relaxed and told him I was leaving.
He says he's horrified about my reaction. It was a nightmare, that I was very far from a perfect person (gee). He's angry but pretends he's not. After talking about it he seems to soften down a bit. He says it's over and I shouldn't analyze it anymore, that we were good.
He doesn't see anything wrong with his. I took most of the blame because it was pointless to dissect the situation that early in a dating process (although was there one?). He broke up recently with someone which doesn't help but that doesn't mean he's into me either.

A few days later he said he moved on, and wanted it to be "casual", "with talking to the other people in the room" (whatever that means), he wants to forget the bad evening, "why not", but it will take time, so I said "ok then, let's forget it then" but he wouldn't tell me if he meant "moved on" from the dispute or moved on from the idea of "us" (not that much to move on from). Impossible to get a clear answer.

He said he was into me before (like 24 hours long) but not anymore because of the terrible evening at the party. When I said "should we forget about it then?" he told me he couldn't take a decision now. Yeah right.

We have seen each other once again on a party by chance (well he knew I was there but it doesn't mean he went for me) and it was civil, almost friendly but pretty weird. He ignored me most of the evening. First he talked with a girl next to me then he physically moved further away during the evening. I stayed cool and equally friendly to everybody. I enjoyed myself at the party, had a few good laughs but of course it was affecting me so... One guy you seemed to fancy me a bit (too young) said "well you're trying but I can see that something is stressing you" (well I hope my former date didn't notice that I was laughing a bit too hard at some people's jokes).
I talked to him briefly about his job and this and that. He was almost aggressive towards me. He made even fun of me in a kind of cruel way at some point before catching himself. He flirted with 2 girls in a very unnatural way clearly for my "benefit".

I guess he's afraid I want a relationship and is trying to disgust me. I don't think he was trying to make me jealous. I know he does care a bit but I really don't think he was that into me. When I said "let's call it just sex then" he protested loudly. Although all the many compliments he made in the beginning were all linked to sex or appearance. I know he liked my mind but he didn't make compliments about it.

What should I do now? We are in similar clubs and we go to the same events. 1) Should I stay away from all the events?
2) Go but don't talk to him at all,
3) Talk to him casually and pretend I don't notice his efforts at keeping me at a distance. Distance myself inside.
4) Write him a note explaining that I was glad we could talk again and tell him I know full well he's not into me and that's ok, we'll find someone else and explain that if the weirdness stays I'll just stop the contact?

3 has my preference although I wonder if the aggressive tone will go away. Yesterday he barely said goodbye. He demonstratively grumbled like he didn't give a ****.

Now he's in "I want to have fun", "Yeah, party time" modus. I have the feeling it's a new chapter in his life and not sure he's actually interested in any relationship.

I am tired of all this. We did have a lot in common but I don't think he ever was into me. I am distancing myself inside. Thankfully I never really believed he was interested.

I just posted Sexting/Texting, etc. Though I'm sure you are younger, and with my situation I probably shouldn't be giving advice BUT I guess it doesn't matter how old a man is---their behavior can be much the same. I don't know if you'll number this as one of your choices but I say:
Don't ignore him if he says "hello" or similar, but don't talk to him either. Just say "hi" and move on. Whatever you do don't approach him to say "hello". Don't attempt to converse if he tries to engage you, excuse yourself and go put on lipstick. If possible, in a group or otherwise try to position yourself with your back to him. If he enters a group or conversation in which you're involved, stand your ground. You have as much a right as he to be there. Act casual, remain neutral, don't react or respond to what he says, and move on before it just becomes the 2 of you in a "group". JMHO.

Sounds like you are both in the same social circle, so unless you plan to no longer hang out with your friends, option 1 doesn't seem practical.
I wouldn't bother with a note. Because he invited you to that party, spent 30 minutes skyping with you and when you arrived, he up and walked away after saying hi? Um, what about the night before, right?. You are correct, that was, indeed rude.

I would, probably not give him the time or day, or just a curt hi/bye/weathers nice/see you around. He doesn't sound like he's worth the air you breath.

If a man cannot show some appreciation for the woman who lies beneath the skin, he doesn't deserve what's under the clothing, jmho!

Sorry he turned out to be a piece of sod!

Option 3, as well.

Next time, if you get into that situation when you are invited to a party by a guy who then does not pay attention to you, DO NOT ACCUSE HIM of rudeness but just leave the party or find something (other than him) to occupy you while you are at the party.

His behavior is your data. To get untainted data, you should not interfere with how he goes about the evening on his own. It does not make any sense to relate to people who are, on their own, rude, but can get better with pointers coming from you. You do not need such people. You only need people who can manage being nice without your pointing them in the right direction. In other words, everything is a litmus test, and his behavior at the party was a litmus test. To administer a litmus test properly, you just mix the ingredients and stay back - you do not try to interfere.

Thank you for your advice. I bumped into him at a party. I said hello, smiled and that was it, I ignored him otherwise.
The next night we bumped into each other again and we went on mostly being on our own but we exchanged a few words. It was distant but a bit friendlier.
I did what you suggested and watched the guy. He is a flirter (4 women glued at his every word) but I noticed he was more intensely flirting with one girl he told me was "great" the night he met me.

So I figured I should find out more.
We ended up 4 people after the party. He brought each one to the metro station (clearly one of them thought he was going to have sex with her, I could tell and I'm pretty sure he already had sex with the other one, another "friend with benefits" of his probably).
I was left (and I saw the next thing coming). He invited me over to his nearby place for a drink and quickly came to speak of sex but in really crude terms that made it clear he wanted sex without emotions. He talked about great dirty sex he had with a friend. I am not a prude at all but the way he talked about this was so detached, cold and almost dirty.

I let him speak. He said that after the first night he was interested in me but that he felt kidnapped at the party the next evening, given the feeling he couldn't talk to anybody else (ridiculous, I never said anything like that, I just found it odd how he ignored me in the beginning and then seemed so defensive and half-hearted, asking me private things and then jumping up in the middle of it to go back inside). He made me feel totally confused and the only thing he came up with was "we're not married", "you make us sound like an old couple"... Clearly he blames me for ambushing him, for causing a nightmare. He said when I left without saying bye, it was actually a relief and that I was overanalyzing everything.

He added that I killed every interest he had in me on the first date and that now it was casual. He said that he was talking to another girl and wanted to be free in case it worked out (this is within a week of meeting me). He said she was a friend but he was hoping for more. That if it didn't work out, maybe he would consider me :-o
He was really rubbing it in that he wanted to sleep with other women ("so you can't say, I didn't warn you")
He said that it was normal to have open relationships, dating several people (with lots of sex of course) and that love could develop or not, but that there was absolutely no guarantee.
He said he didn't trust me since the argument. When I asked why, he got angry: "here we go again, analyzing everything!"
He mentioned "F*** buddies" lamely saying that he didn't mean that (yeah he did).
I told him that it was very convenient...for him. That it just meant that someone would be hurt and that someone would be me. He said that "if only one person loves, it's called a disease".

He made me feel like a needy, possessive creep, that had to be kept at bay.
He didn't seem to care one bit about how hurtful he was being. All he wanted was being clear.

So I told him that actually when he contacted me "to have fun", I got his message 100% (which is true). I thought it was a one night stand. He mentioned we were on a " first date" that evening, not I. He invited me to the second evening, not I, nor did I expect it.
He told me that we were the same, soul mates. I didn't really answer (too early).
All his compliments were otherwise on the sex and my body.

When I told him there would be no casual sex, he said "I thought so" but when he heard that I initially went into it as a one night stand (which he refuses to call like that: "let's not label everything"), he got excited and friendly and thought that there was a chance for sex. Again I said no.

So in short: he got interested in a girl to the point of thinking she's a soul mate, then loses interest after one argument, not caring a bit about her point of view, distorting it to a farce, then declares it's casual and yeah maybe it could develop into love but in a casual environment and she should really consider it.
He said that's how his ex-relationship with his big love developed (yes but that one ended, didn't it).

I have a hard time believing he was interested in the first place.

When I refused the sex, he immediately avoided any physical contact, even innocent and he became emotionally cold and withdrawn.
He let me check my email (I did that on purpose to check his reaction) and sure enough he checked if I wasn't trying to go into his mailbox. Remember, I am a controlling freak, who will suffocate him!
When I left he refused to talk to me so I just said I was lame to blame me for destroying the chance of a relationship and to say "I don't trust you" and letting me figure out what it meant on my own (I guess he doesn't trust me not to smother him). He said "yeah you're right, do it on your own. Keep the stress. I don't want it."

I am so angry because he made me feel like I destroyed everything because I seemed possessive and irrational at the second "date". He is a serial dater, obsessively into sex, but he plays the romantic soul who saw so much of himself in me and who wanted something serious but I ended up being not trustworthy.

Yeah...clearly not a good catch. I am glad you see it.

Thanks. Are guys like that designed in a North-Korean lab or how come? :-/

More likely homegrown .

Yes, I guess so.
Actually I've know a guy who behaved similarly. He was dating a psychologist, which was a bit lucid, but he drove the poor girl crazy and blamed her all the time for everything. She broke up with him several times. I have no idea where it stands now, but you could barely talk to both of them. At the merest hint of criticism they shut down completely and become passive aggressive. No sensible conversation is possible.

Well, not looking forward to seeing the guy again :-/ I blocked his updates on my fb timeline and he can't see me on the chat, and of course I stopped interacting with him in any shape or form.
I thought about removing him but since I will seem him again almost every week, I am not sure about wanting to go the hostile route either. It would be weird.

I am tired of this frankly. It looks like it's gonna be difficult to have a normal, friendly relationship with him after he offered friends with benefits (gee, I'm still so moved that he thought I was "super hot" but otherwise not worthy of his attention).

I wonder why I always end up in this situation. But here he was the one who contacted me. I didn't pick him.
Apparently I also silently attract this type of guys. I must look too understanding or something. If they want absolute understanding, they can only find fault with me when I turn out to be normal, which means sometimes upset with them.

So maybe I should drop some nasty comments in every conversation