Think sanity needs to prevail

Hi everyone,

Because I posted here yesterday and poured my heart out seeking a bit of sanity I believe its only right/fare to keep you updated.

We had a bit of an argument last night again. But we managed to sort it out and made a connection that gives me hope. She just made it clear that she needs me to be a husband and not interfere. She doesn’t want my help.

My natural instinct (as a husband) is telling me my wife is hurt and that I need to protect and help her. When we said our wedding vows it doesn’t stipulate terms and conditions it states: in sickness and in health, good times and bad times.

I do need to know though, where do I draw the line? When she starts sending photos of herself or makes personal contact or personal information? I don’t know how far to back off! Is this all normal?

I’m realizing that this whole thing is bigger than me (us) and that I can’t help. This is not making me feel well but I need to let her be. That’s how I can help.

I’m realizing that this site (chat room) she’s on is there 24/7 and she can go on whenever she needs help to cope. I trust her and I know she can look after herself. But I need to show her through my actions.

Thank you to all who responded to my first post and it will probably not be the last post. But it’s great to just speak and let go. Thank you I feel better.

Think sanity needs to prevail

I just went through and read your initial posting under New Member Introductions.
Have you been able to attend, any Al-Anon meetings? Those can help, where she is working through AA? (did I remember that, correctly?)

It's a fine line, isn't it? The one, where you are trying to be considerate, and compassionate and giving all the room, in the world to breathe. Yet, with that lee-way comes your own discomfort levels, and insecurities, etc. You, are also, in a vulnerable position.

Her response, to your bringing this up, was to lash out at you, and it left you sounding more confused and concerned, than need be. I can appreciate that, about this point. It was the reaction, that you received from expressing a valid concern, that would do it, for most. That is, raise concern and result in a posting, much like this one.

Of course, it's her business, what does happen in her recovery process, meetings, etc, are made to be catered to those in recovery. However, this touches upon something, that has struck my funny bone, all these years about life, men and women, marriages, etc.

When you consider, IRL, how these recovery groups are set up, it's quasi-public, with some off-shoot group meetings. Yet, everything, is happening in larger numbers, so to speak. Now, I see you point, as valid, about private one on one communications between men and women, that are not in any way related.

There's something, that could be expressed, as you go through marital counseling. Conversing, in the open, even on-line, much like, me and you, right here, right now...it's out in the open, isn't it?? That's much more acceptable, in nature, wouldn't you feel?

I've seen, these things occur, throughout the years, not necessarily here, but elsewhere. And it just gets under my skin, regardless of whether I was directly involved, watching these things play out, in the past.

One thing, single man to single woman. Isn't it? That's where, I'd personally draw the line.

That's just me.