Girlfriend's Past

I am new to this and I think that I am posting to the right place. Please let me know if I am, but I am in need of help. I have been dating this girl for 3 years. I am 20 and she is 18 We dated once for about a month in high school, she broke up with me, dated another guy, and then we got back together. During the time she dated another guy, she fooled around with him. When she dated me the first, she never did anything with any guy, and I never did anything with any girl. Well when she dated him, she made-out with him once and was fingered. She also gave him a hand job. I was completely innocent when I dated her the second time, and we ended up doing everything together. Each other's first and everything. The problem is I cannot get passed the fact that she fooled around with that guy. I get over it for a while and then down the road, still 3 years later it becomes an issue for me and I cannot get over it. It bugs me so bad and lately it is affecting my sex life. It causes me to get out of the mood so fast and I don't know what to do. I tried talking to her about it and she tells me that it was a mistake, that she was pressured into it, her pants were still on, and that she didn't enjoy it. I used to use that to get over but in a recent "episode" when I tried talking to her about it, she said she did enjoy it, or she remembers telling her friend that it felt good. So this time its really hard for me to get over it because she took away the one thing that I used to get over it in my head. She then later told me that she didn't think it felt good, but I feel she only said that to make me happy. I'm not sure what to do. It's something that I cannot get out of my head and she told me that she doesn't want to talk about it anymore and gets really mad at me so I seeking help so that I can just let this go once and for all. Its hurting my relationship. What do you think? Please help me out. I want to be able to use what I used before to get over it but she then told me otherwise and then went back to her original story. I'm trying to use that but I like over analyze it and wonder why she would say it did feel good if every time she has told me before it didn't. I'm just confused and I feel lost. I just want this pain to end and go back to being happy with my girlfriend. We're perfect together in every way but this is ruining my sex life cause its such a big deal for me.

It is better you believe that she enjoyed it fully, but still chose you later because she enjoyed being with you even better. Hold on to that thought - do not go back to that crutch you had of believing that she did not enjoy it.

I can understand where you're coming from butI can give you some words and some advice and maybe a scenario or two. First yes it does suck but just think if she enjoys you doing the same thing with her it might be that it was good thing she had that experience with (we'll just call him "no more") now no more more then likely was not a good thing for her. She might have or might not have enjoyed it. But that's something that comes with these scenarios. Maybe she enjoyed what she felt but not who it was. OR everytime it was brought up she noticed you being upset by it and tried the different road and said she did enjoy it to see if it might've been easier for you to handle. The main thing is YOU were her first. That's something that no more could never experience or share with her. All he got was a hand job and you a man she actually cares for got to experience something she can never share with another man. Just don't dwell too much about it I know it's hard not, but everytime you start to dwell on it instead of bringing it up or asking her about it just grab her kiss her and YOU do what you are dwelling on about you touch her and you ask her what she wants you to do what feels good for her and focus on that instead of no more and her. Turn the dwelling negative thing into a positive and constructive thing that you can begin putting better positive memories and thoughts in its place with. If it's about what she did then just think back to the above statement about what you got to experience with her what he didn't.

Sex and love are two different things. There can be sex without love and vice versa. So if your worried about her still loving and being attached to him, I can say that since shes with you now, i dont think thats the case.
I guess i cant totally understand where your coming from because im promiscuous when im not dating, and so is my girlfriend, and its never bothered me. I agree with Hamster.