How Often Do You Keep In Touch With Your Family?

How often do you stay in touch with your family? How often do you visit them face-to-face? And how often do you call them? Message/text message them?

I have only seen my adoptive father's side of the family maybe once (or twice) at the most since leaving my home state back in 2005 (eight years ago). I'm friends on Facebook with some of them; we'll like each others posts occasionally and have exchanged a few "Hey! How are you doing?"'s very rarely.

My biological father's side of the family is another story - and why I'm posting here on this forum about this wanting to know what others' experiences are like. For starters, I lived with them for two years and then went to live with my mother's side of the family in another state far away. This side of the family is extremely poor - and would never be able to afford gas or a plane ticket to come visit me. I remet them in the early 2000s and even moved back to the state in 2005 to live with my mother and to also get to know this side of the family better. I always feel like they believe that I'm not seeing them enough, not talking to them enough, etc. I don't know if they want to make up for lost time or what - I think it's just how they are since the entire side of the family lives in the same small town (for the few that are making any kind of money - they commute an hour and a half drive one way to the area that I live in now) - and the majority of them live side-by-side on either side of the exact same road. When I moved to the largest city in this state (about an hour and a half away from them) my grandmother acted like I was abandoning the family, didn't want to be apart of it, how come I'm not happy there, what does XXX-place have that this place doesn't have, how come I have to move so far away from them (it's an hour and a half in the same state), etc. She's always messaging me saying that she misses me, wishes I could spend more time with them, etc. They don't seem to factor in that I work full-time, go to undergraduate school full-time, as well as have my own life and interests that are far different from theres. My brother feels a lot of anger toward me for not being his big brother and playing video games, playing sports, with the dog, etc. He even once told me to my face (around others), "You're not my brother. I hardly ever see you - I don't have a brother!" They seem to think that my wanting to move is a thing to do with age - and that I'll move back in a few years (which, I know this isn't true for myself). Or that I'm just young and that I'll wise up - not true also in the manner they are speaking of.

My biological father is the same way - I get the feeling/impression that he may be a little resentful that I only see that side of the family a few times per year. I see them almost every Thanksgiving, Christmas, family reunion (or party, held ever year), other big family events (great grandparents wedding annivesary, weddings, etc), and occasionally 3-4 visits from during the rest of the year.

I'm mainly attached to my mother's side of my family - and I see and talk them less (they are spread over the entire country, on this side you kind of grow up and live your own life) - but have less friction with them, more attachment, etc. No one feels abandoned - in fact, they seem rather considerate that I may be busy and will ask when would it be a good time to call since my school schedule changes each semester, etc.

Rarely To Never ...

It's been 20 years for me.

Except for one attempt to reconnect with my sister.

She eventually ended up betraying my trust to our former abusers though.



Never Again!

Ever!

never, never and never!
the only contact i have had in ten years was a phone call from my brother when mothers second husband (my abuser) passed away, i was so relieved he had actually died that all i could say was 'good about time' my brother was not impressed, called me a bxxtard and put the phone down. needless to say i never got an invite to the funeral!
my family know nothing about my disability, as far as they know i am still running my nursery school and that is fine by me.

I talk to my mom on the phone probably once a week or so, I see her every two weeks when I pick my nephew up from his mom (my mom and sister live together). Our relationship has gotten a lot stronger since I moved out, but there are still times when she does or says something hurtful, and I'll go a month or two with only text exchanges. I only live an hour from her, so it's not difficult to see her.

I talk to my dad about every other week, but he lives across the country so I only get to see him at Christmas now.

I fully believe that family is not all biological, and the people who you are related to by blood are not always people you want to be around.

I am in e-mail communication and phone communication with my maternal grandmother. We chat a couple times a week. Hear from my maternal uncle, several times a year. Up to date, with my maternal family, cousins mainly via fb.

My paternal side. That's another story all together. I did text, and wished him a happy anniversary, early, last month. That was all she wrote....no response from the peanut gallery.

I don't have any bio family to be in touch with. My in-laws decided I was no longer part of the family after my husband died. So I'm not in touch with anyone.

It sounds to me like you are likely in your early 20's or so which is when this sort of thing gets settled. It is a little complicated to figure out at that age how often you should see your family even for people who's situation is not as difficult as yours. It generally kind of works itself out.

To answer your specific question, I haven't seen any of my family in person for 4 years (since my brother's wedding). But I also live in a different country than any of them. I don't actively avoid them. For almost a year now, I have worked at the company owned by my parents, so I talk to them several times a week over Skype, mainly about work related things. Before I worked at their company, I talked to them maybe once a month over Skype. 6 Years ago, before I moved to a different country, I would see my parents once or twice a year usually. As far as siblings go, I don't talk to them as much as I should... I'm way overdo for getting in touch with them actually. I haven't talked to one brother for about 6 months, the other for maybe 2 years! I talked to my sister maybe 3 months ago when she called to tell me she got engaged.

Everyone's relationship with their family is different though and like I said, it's usually some time in the early twenties when it starts getting sorted out what it will be.

As soon as I am financially independent, not at all. I hate that I still have to talk to them/see them.

We live far apart so we don't meet face to face at all. I keep in touch with the ones I like on Facebook (that's all I use FB for). I have a cousin in Scotland I like to phone but we don't connect often because of the time difference.

I don't think I'm a healthy example of family communication.

I haven't spoken to my dad since January. I started wondering why I make the effort to keep up a relationship with him when he has abused me in so many ways and caused me so much damage. I thought we were both putting equal work into the relationship until I stopped calling him. I haven't heard from him at all, not once. My mum texts and emails me quite a lot, but we don't see each other very often. Even though my parents live in the same town as me. (They visit my brother all the time though.)

I see my brother when I can but he lives quite far away. And the rest of my family either don't speak to me or live abroad and email once in a blue moon.

It sounds like you need to set some boundaries with some of your relatives. What if you made a point of contacting them for a weekly or monthly phone call or something like that so they don't keep fretting over when you'll be in touch?

Parents: I chat via text with my mom occassionally. I MIGHT see them once a year during my summer.
Younger brother: no contact. May hear bits and pieces of each other through mom and he sometimes makes an appearance when I'm visiting. This no contact is by choice.
Older sibling, SIL, nieces/nephews: used to have more contact via text/fb but this seems to have stopped. After being ignored last summer when I went to visit I have stopped putting in too much effort.
Aunts/Cousins: none.

I talk to my dad and my sister on the phone a few times a week. Since I live in a different state, I fly home to see my dad every Thanksgiving, every Christmas, and every year on his birthday. When my schedule permits, i will stay a full two weeks over x-mas or over the summer (his bday is in August). My sister and I coordinate out schedules so that we visit our dad at the same time. My sister and I also visit one another about once a year. Every few years, the three of us will take a vacation together. For us, this amount of contact and visitation is good. It was always expected that my sister and I would move away for college, grad school, and job opportunities, so living in another state has not been an issue. My dad would be quite upset if we didn't visit, but we also have the financial means to visit so that has not been an issue. We rarely see any of our other relatives though; we're just the three musketeers.