[Rhapsody]

..............................................................................................

[Rhapsody]

How could he honestly not know what flavor of milk-shake I like after all these years.... 20 years married / 23 years together?
.... from my side of the fence - just another way I am forgotten.

[Rhapsody]

What about ME?

....... the QUESTION of my entire LIFE, and I am growing weary of it, tired of needing and not receiving.

SAD SAD SAD - MAD MAD MAD - SAD SAD SAD

[Sarah37]

I understand your frustration. I feel the same way. I've been with this man who I love so very much for 2 years (lived together for a year and he moved across street, so we're neighbors in a relationship). I know what you mean about giving and not being received. Me, too. I've been depressed for a while. At the same time, I really do miss him very much and our intimacy.

[Rhapsody]

Thanks for the reply Sarah..... I just ate 7 tootsie rolls and turned up the volume on some music - But still no change in my mood, despair still has my hand.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Rhapsody]

I just don't understand how some MEN can be so in LOVE and yet they stay back and far from connection with the one they are supposed to be in LOVE with....
These days we are like two ships that pass in the night, but by day he does his thing and I do mine - no big hugs, kisses or long conversation - we have become more like brother and sister in our relationship.... other than we have sex once a week.... I NEED more I WANT more.... I am lonely while he seems content and in love - more of a noun than a verb.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - (and)

[nothemama8]

Honey remember his brains aren't between his shoulders, abit lower if ya know what I mean lol
Angie

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
nothemama8 said:
Honey remember his brains aren't between his shoulders, abit lower if ya know what I mean lol
Angie

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Teehee - then I am really in trouble..... for that one only works half the time too, when he wants it to..... still? - What About Me?


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Rhapsody]

I read this QUESTION and now I too wonder about it?

QUESTION:
“Why is it that when you get married your husband stops wooing you?” It is so true! I mean everyone’s life circumstances are different but why does that happen? Is it because we as wives aren’t so hard-to-get anymore? Should I play a little hard to get and then give in? I want to understand why my husband and other husbands almost give up on pursuing us?

....... Any One? - do YOU have an answer?


Thanks....
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[nothemama8]

I really think it's a male thing, the hunt is over (they don't have to look anymore), the wooing is past cuz ( they don't feel they need to impress us), the neat thing is no matter how we look they still love us and we love them.
Angie

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
nothemama8 said:
I really think it's a male thing, the hunt is over (they don't have to look anymore), the wooing is past cuz ( they don't feel they need to impress us), the neat thing is no matter how we look they still love us and we love them.
Angie

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

YES.... that is defiantly a good strong point and one that I am glad of after 23 years together - for lets face it I am no size 1 any more - lol.
I guess we girls still want to be found SPECIAL, and yes I know I should be able to see that I am special to him, for he is still around after 23 yrs and a few extra pounds - I just like to be able to experience the moment more, LoVe is more of a VERB for me and a forever NOUN to him.

Thanks... for the reminder / just feeling left and I hate that feeling.
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.
So how do I get him to want to spend more time with ME - out side of the bedroom? - to interact with ME like he use to, for that leaves me feeling wanted & special still.

[Perna]

My husband just isn't good at picking out gifts and items for me. I have to remember that he wasn't raised like we women were, to think about what others/men wanted. They're different animals and have to be taught by us to be the way we want them to be. I once complained to my T early in my relationship with my husband about something and my T replied, "Now how long have you known him? And how long did his mother have him?" LOL! I got the point. I mostly think about all the years I lived alone and realize now that I can live poor, alone and lonely, scared for my future and take out the trash or I can have a great provider and fun companion whom I know loves me, not have to worry about money and take out the trash. Not hard to choose between.

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Perna said:
My husband just isn't good at picking out gifts and items for me. I have to remember that he wasn't raised like we women were, to think about what others/men wanted. They're different animals and have to be taught by us to be the way we want them to be.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

YES... I agree, but believe me after 23 years together - he knows and he has been taught (over and over again) - so once again it is just a male thing from with in and not a lack of teaching. Sigh!!

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

P.S.

This is the REPLY that the QUESTION received....

If you don’t mind, let’s start off by getting something straight: men are very basic creatures. Most men model their behavior based on what their father did. I bet your husband’s relationship with you is similar to his father’s relationship with his mother. And let’s face it: previous generations were pretty traditional. An occasional card game with the neighbors, and a family vacation: that is as much extra-curricular activity as a typical family would have.
Men are trained to pay attention to anniversaries, birthdays and if you are lucky, Mothers Day. That is it! Most of us guys, by nature, are just not all that creative. (Well, there are a few exceptions but I don’t think they are going to be married to women.)

If you want your husband to continue the “pursuit” and to “woo” you, you have to get over the idea that it should come naturally to him. Most guys want to please their wives, but truly, truly don’t realize that what they were doing when they were dating was something that would need to be continued over in marriage. And it feels awkward to them, and they need lots of encouragement, not criticism.

So my suggestion is to 1) assume that he would love some romance but just doesn’t have the energy or thought to arrange it without a bit of help, and 2) take him by the hand, and show him EXACTLY what you want him to do, and 3) repeat the process (a lot). Show him all the things you want him to do and then tell him “I’d like to do this more often.” And also show him exactly how delighted you are when he does try, even if it’s not perfect. (I’m sure you can think of something that will fire up his incentive system!)

Main caution: Don’t get caught up in blaming your husband for all the things he doesn’t do. Never, ever, EVER criticize his tentative efforts, or you have just ensured that he will never try them again. In fact, that may be one reason why he’s shut down, and if you think it is, ask for forgiveness. The point is to get the activity you are missing back into your lives. This is going to take time. Eventually, your husband will find particular activities that BOTH of you enjoy and he will take the initiative to keep it going. Keep in mind, we are just men.

* * * * * * * * *

Hmm -

[Sarah116]

Yuck, you have to forgive him thought he meant no harm it is not like he meant to upset you. Even know it may be really hard and you might be so upset you are probably thinking the not good version of DH.

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Sarah116 said:
Yuck, you have to forgive him thought he meant no harm it is not like he meant to upset you. Even know it may be really hard and you might be so upset you are probably thinking the not good version of DH.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

No No - that was not an answer from my husband, but rather the answer a so called T gave to the lady that asked the first question that I placed on this thread.

SORRY for the confusion...... but any ways What do YOU think of his answer?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Rhapsody]

I guess my real question is "WHY ARE GUYS LIKE THIS"
- they will woo you until they get that ring on your darn finger, then almost over night or with in years - they STOP! - Why is that?
I have known people that are dating / living together for years...... some over 10 years and then after they finally marry - it STOPS!! - go figure - once again, WHY?

Any one got a legitimate answer for this strange occurrence?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Kellyann]

If you find out why men are like this, please let me know. My husband is the nicest guy, but terrible husband and step father. I work two jobs, about 70 hours a week and he gets mad at me if I say I am tired, because he feels guilty. He only works one job. He does even have to take care of the kids, they are teenagers. My husband only works one job and he only pays his blls. Lucky me I get the rest of the bills.
Anyway, I cannot understand him. We have only been married 7 years and we are drifting apart faster and faster. I just get treated like a slave and not a partner. So I would agree hubands GRRRRRRRR

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Kellyann said:
If you find out why men are like this, please let me know. My husband is the nicest guy, but terrible husband....

Anyway, I cannot understand him. We have only been married 7 years and we are drifting apart faster and faster. I just get treated like a slave and not a partner. So I would agree hubands GRRRRRRRR

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I guess this is all we have to hold onto - if you believe this to be the truth of the matter......

Quote of the T
If you want your husband to continue the “pursuit” and to “woo” you, you have to get over the idea that it should come naturally to him. Most guys want to please their wives, but truly, truly don’t realize that what they were doing when they were dating was something that would need to be continued over in marriage. And it feels awkward to them, and they need lots of encouragement, not criticism.

IMO & Expereience:
Men just do not seem to really care to put the effort into the woman once he has her..... and they are scared of being to close where the heart is concerned, therefore, they remain distant.


LoVe,
Rhapsody - (still sad) - - (and confused)

[Rhapsody]

I wonder what DOC would have to say on this matter...... both as a man and a T?

.... DOC can or would you please give your input on this matter?


Thanks...
LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Sarah116]

Rhapsody why don't you email him it or PM that sounds like an idea.

[Rhapsody]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Sarah116 said:
Rhapsody why don't you email him it or PM that sounds like an idea.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

Ok - I will do it............... I will send him a PM with the link to this thread so that he can paste his reply here for us all to read and to learn from.... thx.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[Rhapsody]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr - My husband just got up for the day and I am already wishing he would go back to bed..... I felt better being by my self this morning. What to do? - for just the site of him drives my nerves over the edge right now.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

[nothemama8]

Rhapsody, make the first move honey,
1. Mail him a certificate for a dinner and movie night (get rid of kids for that night)
2. Send him flowers with a card saying he now owes you a date night
see if these work
Angie