Cant get over Girlfriends past

avlady · Aug 08, 2013, 06:33 PM

The past IS the past so why worry about it. People change, not like she needs to change or anything, but you are putting too much on sex!!!It isn't everything in a relationship, it's the little things that matter, sweet somethings in her ear sincre ones.How can you tell her you love her if you don't, you need to let her go and i'd hate to be the one to tell you it will take alot, but i will and you may have a hard time when the time comes along to really seperate.

Aug 08, 2013, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by C-Bass

Far from true...the 15 guys on her iist doesnt bug me at all...its the random encounter with 3 guys...if she wanted to start making more intimate memories with me...instead of telling me about her past ones more often then we have sex...maybe I coud get over it...but when she contatntly tells me she loves me and wants to be with me forever...but doesnt wanna have sex after telling me shes a nympho....wtf am i supposed to think?

I do get the impression that it's more about the amount of sex you're having, rather than her past... It's nice that you make all the effort to see her, but it really doesn't mean that you're 'owed'. You obviously feel some resentment - you put in the effort and she doesn't 'put out'. I wonder exactly, how much sex you do want - every time you see her?

I once had an amazing boyfriend, he was funny, kind, gorgeous - oh, so so gorgeous and just the best bloke to be with. One big problem? He wanted sex, lots of it. Every time we met, or stayed over each other's house. Now this isn't a problem in itself, it was his attitude whenever I said no, which wasn't often. Hey, I do not want to have sex sometimes, its my choice. Sometimes I just want to hang out, have a giggle, go to dinner, go to a gig or whatever. I certainly do not want to hear how I am supposed to give him a blow-job if I do not want to have sex. I want to give those when I am feeling sexy, happy, valued. When I want for both of us to have a good time. If it's gratification he is after and cares nothing about my feelings, then he should've got a blow-up doll.

You know, instead of feeling wanted, flattered that he fancied me so much, I actually felt the opposite. I felt my feelings were not understood, that his own need was greater than my own, whereas they should be equal, and I felt undervalued. I started to withdraw, had sex less and less because frankly, it annoyed the hell out of me. We split up. I loved him very much, he loved sex more. All he had to do was not get annoyed on the occasion I didn't feel like it, so simple.

I hope you understand this.

healingme4me · Aug 08, 2013, 07:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

I fellated him for, literally, hours -.

um, HOURS?! Hun, was something wrong with him?

healingme4me · Aug 08, 2013, 08:02 PM

Maybe, she was too young? Maybe, someone drew the line. Is it, that you just don't 'trust' her to tell you the truth, in the moment of an intimate conversation? Is it, that your own past baggage is coming out, in the anger you felt from that previous girlfriend, and somehow you cannot trust the new woman in your life?!

If she said, it was clothes on and no orgasms? Maybe the 4 of them, were in an experimental point in life, but somehow, someone, or all of them, decided, to not take it further? Perhaps, the guys with her, felt uncomfortable disrobing in front of one another. Who knows, I certainly wasn't there, and neither were you. But to not take her word on it, because your mind is racing over it??

Quote:

Originally Posted by C-Bass

Hey everyone,

This is my first post..I finally decided I need to hear other peoples view on whats been bugging me for so long. Thanks to all who read and take the time to reply.

Here we go...I have been dating this girl for 4 months now and when we first started dating I was head over heels in love with her. One night we were hanging out and something was on TV that somehow brought up the conversation of our "past". When asked about my past I bluntly said "I dont want you knowing my past or me knowing yours, nothing good can come of it, the only thing I cant deal with is if I have a girlfriend who has a history like this slut I knew in high school, She circle-jerked 4 guys in grade 9".....right after I said that my girlfriend tells me..."well, I had a similar experience but it was 3 guys and we left our clothes on...there was just touching and kissing, no orgasms or anything like that and i didnt touch them"

I find this hard to believe, what girl wants 3 guys to just "touch her" at the same time....what do 6 hands do down there that 2 cant?...I find it even harder to believe you can find 3 guys who just want to kiss a girl and rub her vagina at the same time 2 other guys are and not get anything in return...especially when they are in their 20s and alll sexually expeirenced...seems very highschoolish and odd....i just find it hard to believe that, that is all that went on. ....why bother telling me she did that literally seconds after I called the other girl I knew a slut for pleasuring 4 guys at once. she claims she "needed to get something out of her system....I have been asked to "Tag team" a girl with different buddies on numerous occaisions...but always said no cause easy girls just disgust me.

It took me a while to decide if I wanted to try dating her or not...and I gave it a chance...for some reason I find that anytime we have sex the thought of this experience goes away for a bit...but then we started going 1 or 2 weeks before having sex again and I kept thinking "what did they do or other guys do that im not doing" .... to be honest she has no ambition when we are having sex....anytime she is on her period she bluntly says...."sorry, we cant do anything for a while" ... I would go down on her and give her oral and she never seemed to return the favour...we would just go into sex....I told her that I have needs and asked her if shes afraid or grossed out with giving blowjobs...she said no.....its been 4 months and I have yet to receive one aside from a tiny bit of action to get me up before sex...I have been going down on her alot...ill admit I like giving her oral so its not like I feel like im doing a chore or anything....but we started fighting cause I said I cant get these images out of my head when you barely want to touch me except when we have strictly sex....I have not encountered a girlfriend with a sexual past like hers and also never encountered a girlfriend who wont "help her guy out" the odd time while shes on her period. all the other times she says shes tired from work or not feeling good....but she always felt good enough to go out for dinner to restaurants and eat crappy food...I feel like shed rather eat then have some intimate time with me.

Am I selfish for feeling this way...I find i forget about her past when we have sex...but then we go right back into a drought and fight over the same thing....the last time we made up she told me she talked to her mom for advice...and even her mom agreed with me and told her I have needs and she needs to address them.....everything was all lovey dovey again the last time we made up...but we are right back in the same hole...Ive told her at least 5 times I am sexually frustrated so its not like she doesnt know whats been bugging me....I just dont know anymore....I cant put a ring on someones fingers whos had a threesome... I know she said it was just touching....but I just cant believe it...and when she tells me shes a nympho when we first had sex I was somewhat put back but excited at the same time.....yet we havent had sex more than once a week.....this is the most confused I have been with a women EVER!...we have a trip to new york coming up and I really need to make a decision before this trip as wether or not to stay with her. She said I could even ask her friend if i wanted...but to be honest...shes her friend..shes gonna back her up no matter what...and not to be rude...but I wouldnt trust her friend anyways...she had a boobjob so she could work at hooters and collect good tips...I have no respect for any women who modifies their body for a financial gain or for attention from multiple men.....im really stuck....help

hamster-bamster · Aug 09, 2013, 12:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healingme4me

um, HOURS?! Hun, was something wrong with him?

Well...he was a character in his own category...so, for a little background...I was on a LOCKED psychiatric unit. LOCKED. An older guy - a patient - came into my room and started kissing me on the lips - at least this is what I woke up to (I was on Seroquel, which is one of the most soporific medications on the market, so I probably did not wake up right away, so I am just reporting what I saw when I woke up). I told him to leave. Just very quietly kept telling him: "Leave. Leave. Leave." - you know, the way a magician would look at a snake, say something, and the snake would obey his command.

Then, when a nurse was doing her rounds, I told her what had happened and asked for a sleep medicine. The nurse did not believe me until I remembered that the guy's name was John. Then the nurse said that she would talk to him, and, refused to give me a sleep medicine since the locked unit's policy was no sleep medicine after 3AM. That was horrifying from the standpoint of professional ethics, and, also extremely idiotic - there was no NEED to talk to a guy as I was able to get the guy out by myself. I needed help with sleep and did not get it. I did not need her to talk to a guy. Also, if a crazy guy walks into a room of a woman on a locked unit, you do not "talk to that guy" - you fire all the nursing staff that failed to monitor the unit and protect the safety of the patients. The idea of "talking to a guy" was just beyond idiotic.

When my husband came to visit me in the morning, he learned of the story, got irate, and took me home AMA.

By that time he had been living alone with our daughters for about a week and a half. He told me that they were doing very well without me, and that he hoped that I would try to fit into their life. So, he was not bringing their mother home - he was basically bringing another child to try to fit in. So, I did not have sex with him - he was not treating me as his wife. After a while (a couple of weeks), he said that he needed to talk to my psychiatrist about why I was not having sex with him. He wanted my psychiatrist to double check my mental status and either reassure him that I was right in my decision not to have sex with him, or, influence me to change my decision. Unfortunately, at that time, I did not have any sense of humor. Not at all. Otherwise, I would have told him: "Dude. It is really not an issue for my psychiatrist. It really is not. Get it - if you want to have sex with me, I would be delighted to, but you need to treat me as your wife and the mother of your daughters. OK? You should not tell me that you had it all under control and in good shape when you were the only parent at home (I was hospitalized after the suicide attempt), and that I needed to "try to fit in"." Unfortunately, I did not say it. So I do not remember how exactly things happened, but we ended up in the older girl's room as described above, and yes, it took forever. Normally, it would not have taken that long. It was a "reunion" of sorts, in two ways: the first time after the suicide attempt and the first time after that hiatus that was caused by my reaction to his wonderful idea that I needed to "fit in".

Back to OP: maybe, if you feel resentful, as riotgrrl suggested, you should actually stop giving the gf oral sex for now. Then you will feel less resentful and would suffer less from the feeling of being treated unfairly.

healingme4me · Aug 10, 2013, 12:50 AM

Was he purposely making it forever? Was he a punishing type of man? At first, I wondered if he had something physically wrong with him. After this story, hun, that sounded like an act of abuse

Quote:

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Well...he was a character in his own category...so, for a little background...I was on a LOCKED psychiatric unit. LOCKED. An older guy - a patient - came into my room and started kissing me on the lips - at least this is what I woke up to (I was on Seroquel, which is one of the most soporific medications on the market, so I probably did not wake up right away, so I am just reporting what I saw when I woke up). I told him to leave. Just very quietly kept telling him: "Leave. Leave. Leave." - you know, the way a magician would look at a snake, say something, and the snake would obey his command.

Then, when a nurse was doing her rounds, I told her what had happened and asked for a sleep medicine. The nurse did not believe me until I remembered that the guy's name was John. Then the nurse said that she would talk to him, and, refused to give me a sleep medicine since the locked unit's policy was no sleep medicine after 3AM. That was horrifying from the standpoint of professional ethics, and, also extremely idiotic - there was no NEED to talk to a guy as I was able to get the guy out by myself. I needed help with sleep and did not get it. I did not need her to talk to a guy. Also, if a crazy guy walks into a room of a woman on a locked unit, you do not "talk to that guy" - you fire all the nursing staff that failed to monitor the unit and protect the safety of the patients. The idea of "talking to a guy" was just beyond idiotic.

When my husband came to visit me in the morning, he learned of the story, got irate, and took me home AMA.

By that time he had been living alone with our daughters for about a week and a half. He told me that they were doing very well without me, and that he hoped that I would try to fit into their life. So, he was not bringing their mother home - he was basically bringing another child to try to fit in. So, I did not have sex with him - he was not treating me as his wife. After a while (a couple of weeks), he said that he needed to talk to my psychiatrist about why I was not having sex with him. He wanted my psychiatrist to double check my mental status and either reassure him that I was right in my decision not to have sex with him, or, influence me to change my decision. Unfortunately, at that time, I did not have any sense of humor. Not at all. Otherwise, I would have told him: "Dude. It is really not an issue for my psychiatrist. It really is not. Get it - if you want to have sex with me, I would be delighted to, but you need to treat me as your wife and the mother of your daughters. OK? You should not tell me that you had it all under control and in good shape when you were the only parent at home (I was hospitalized after the suicide attempt), and that I needed to "try to fit in"." Unfortunately, I did not say it. So I do not remember how exactly things happened, but we ended up in the older girl's room as described above, and yes, it took forever. Normally, it would not have taken that long. It was a "reunion" of sorts, in two ways: the first time after the suicide attempt and the first time after that hiatus that was caused by my reaction to his wonderful idea that I needed to "fit in".

Back to OP: maybe, if you feel resentful, as riotgrrl suggested, you should actually stop giving the gf oral sex for now. Then you will feel less resentful and would suffer less from the feeling of being treated unfairly.

hamster-bamster · Aug 10, 2013, 12:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Was he purposely making it forever? Was he a punishing type of man? At first, I wondered if he had something physically wrong with him. After this story, hun, that sounded like an act of abuse

No, I do not think that one can control such things. And, I enjoyed it. I think it was just something unusual going on. He was not purposely making it last forever - he was being authentic. Also, it was the first sex act in about... three weeks or so?.. and he was used to frequent sex. So it could have been a result of a bit of abstinence, perhaps? (he did not masturbate, not because he thought it was a bad thing, but because he needed a real live body in his bed, and, did not have a fantasy life).

Thanks for the "hun" and "hug" though

. Much appreciated.

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