[razeljenny]

I am so crippled up. I am fustrated, I am wearing the mask. I am so upset. I may need to sleep. I gotta do a bunch of Spanish homework. I feel so lithargic. I am so feeling so hopeless. I am egotistical. I am sad. I am worthless. I am angery. I am even mad a God. I am so so mad at everything. I screwed up and my stomach hurts. I am hopeless. I don't want to stalk Lar. I don't want to act out to fustrate him or anyone but I am so sad. I am so mad at myself and God. I can not accept the screw up. I had an ideal future with Lar. It was perfect. It was grand. He and I had so much to give, so much to share. Loved the same stuff. I went out of my mind slightly (but very much) on 2 fridays ago. Now it is all falling like gravity. I earned it and am a loser. I can't win for anything. I am so sick to my stomach. I want to throw up. I want to hide forever. I am a lost cause. razeljenny

[hillbunnyb]

raz, hon, you are not a lost cause, that's jsut what you feel like right now. one relationship ending is not the end of the world forever. i'm sorry you are feeling so bad right now. it must hurt to think your illnesses did the relationship in. it takes very special people to hook up on a one to one with us folks. but many here have found that special someone. endings are beginnings as well. leave the door to your heart cracked open for when a goody happens by someday. in the meantime, cut yourself some slack, please. being a crazy cripple is the pits, but, you are such a nice person. no more negative self talk (after you're done venting), ok? )))))))) ) ) ) razeljenny (((((((( ( (

[JustAPixie]

You may be a lot of things raz, but you are not a loser, and never think that you are!!! I'm sorry that you have to feel this way!!!!!!!!!!! I do hope you get some good rest.