[eskielover]

My frustration level has been building up to the point where I have completely lost my tollerance lately. I have looked at the possibility of my being overly sensitive & overly critical. The thing is that what is bothering me always falls under the same 4 catagories & not everything that is said.

I continually get annoyed when I am asked a question & the person answers the question to me before I can.

Along the same line, when I am trying to say something, my sentence gets finished before I can get the words out, & the words that are put into my mouth aren't even what I was saying.

Let's top this off with the fact that I sometimes ask for help. There are times when I want to get something done before I need the help, but I am told not to do what I am doing. The agrivating part is that what I am being told not to do isn't even what I am doing. Doesn't even bother to know what I am doing before telling me not to do something.

I have always hated condisending comments & put down humor.

These were issues 30+ years ago & things I refused to even tollerate at that time. They have always existed, but seem to have become a constant lately. It's not even once or twice a week, but once or twice a day. The worst part is that there is no way to escape it being that we are together 24/7. So I end up blowing up. I am so tired of reacting & blowing up only adds to my anxiety attacks as if I don't have enough anxiety issues anyway.

It makes me so mad, feeling like I am not being respected & that everything I say is being ignored. I try to find out what is causing this problem, but can never get any answer except "I donnn't know" or "whatever". The most childish answers which only make me more angry than I already am. I have used up my tollerance.

Just curious is others are dealing with similar issues,
Debbie

(((((((Eskielover))))))) It doesn't sound like fun at all. Sometimes you need to whack someone upside the head with a 2 by 4 to get their attention.
I hope he comes around for you without your having to go to any extremes.
In the meantime-can you find a way of laughing at his stupidity so it doesn't make you so upset? You can't change him but you can change the way you react to him.
Otherwise, you'll probably stay upset for awhile or packing your bags.
I'm sorry you're feeling so frustrated.

[SeptemberMorn]

Debbie, you know what Dr. Phil would tell you, right? "Is what you are doing working for you?" Obviously, it's not.

You and I are in the same boat as far as those men in are life are concerned. I get the same answers you get; "I don't know" or "It happens before I realize it."

Like Jax said, if he hasn't changed in 30 yrs, he's not goin to. What you need to change is how you react to it. That's the point. Don't REact. When he does these things, STOP, realize that it's NOT about you, but about HIM, and then decide what you're going to do differently from what you've been doing all these years. You can ignore him, but don't stuff the feeling. Let it go. Or... you can snap him between the eyes with a rubber band! LOLOL No, just kidding! OR!! Ship his butt out! That's what I did!

Good luck, Hon.

[seeker1950]

Eskie...I have to admit, I'm never bothered by all the things you recounted, though I too experience them from time to time in my interactions with people.
My dealing with the same issues over and over again has to do with making the same personal mistakes, especially in romance. It equates to having stuck my hand in the fire enough time that I've finally learned and stopped it!
I did have an experience the other day which momentarily offended me. I was talking to a younger male teacher from my Related Arts team, and he simply walked away while I was in mid sentence, to go talk to a young female teacher! Yeah, I was a little hurt and offended, but then I reminded myself I have no basis for communication with this coworker and brushed it off! Later, he did come up and finished commenting on the conversation, and I thought, "Yeah, uh huh," and went on my way.
You're a sweetie. Just brush off those offensive people, I say!
LOve
Patty

[Perna]

Were I you with those kinds of problems I'd think up 2-3 sharp/"sarcastic" replies to interrupt the person answering for you; things like, "Thank you ______ for your answer to the question that was asked me; now if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to give my answer." Especially if it is the same person making the same social mistake. But if it is the same person, maybe I'd start by "warning" them, pointing out to them that I was asked the question and would appreciate it if they'd let me answer. Some people haven't learned the "rules" for some social interactions and have to be "trained". My T use to help me sometimes by doing that, cutting in to let me know when I was out of line. It seems cruel but it doesn't have to be, can be educational and help the person in all their interactions.

[chiz]

hello,

maybe it is time to let him feel that he should not be doing this to you. Sometimes, people do this to us because we let them so. Try to have a serious talk with him, open a good conversation, regarding your concern and let him understand. It is very important that you communicate with him your feelings. I know this might sound impossible, but do try it. Let him know how you feel. If it did not affect him a bit, it is time that you have your stand so that he will not only hear it from you but actually feel it until he realize what he has been doing.

[tlynn1019]

:

I feel your pain!! I go through the same thing. I am going to therapy because of my relationship "issues." (This should keep my therapist busy for a very long time My husband says the same thing, "I don't know," all the time and that gets me so aggravated too!!! However, I realized that I do love him very much so I decided to chill out, talk to my psycologist and get some space as well as give my husband some space too. I decided that I should try to concentrate on the positive things about my husband and our relationship. I found that I am always dwelling on the negative and then that's all I can see. I'm grateful for the little things my husband does such as, taking out the garbage, getting the oil changed in the car, taking care of the lawn, etc. Lately, things have been better between us. I can't change him so I have to change me. I pray for my husband and my marriage and I leave him in God's hands (because it's going to take a miracle to change my husband - and I don't do miracles!) LOL!
Hope you feel better, TLYNN1019

[curley]

Eskie, I know you have been upset about this situation for a long time. I also realize it is easier said then done to leave a relationship you have been in most of your life. I hope you can get strong enough to kick his butt out and make him stay out of your life. If he has been this way for 30 years....he is not going to change. And why should you put yourself through it any longer!!!! I know you would feel much relief without his aggravation

[Cerah]

I do - and until I catch myself causing the problem, and correct it, I continue over, and over, and over, dealing with it. Thank Goodness I have become an old hand at it, and my problems with other people using me for a doormat have magically diminished.

I learned years ago to write things down, the one place I still do this is with any family contact. I am amazed to read about events after the fact, realizing all the lies, all the accusations, most of all I am amazed at my involment in it.

My family has learned when they see me whip out that pad, and pen to shut up.... this has worked wonders for all of us....
With pen in hand, we ALL become responsible for what we say, and ALL of us can be guilty. tee hee... I can't wait for christmas...

I wonder how excited my family is about it..... tee hee....

[mywitsend]

I am dealing with the same issues over and over too. Mine is that when he is angry he is out of control and when I say anything he says "You're out of control.". He also tells me that my feelings don't matter, that they don't make things real.

[TYMBERWOLV]

I suggest for you to read a book called "Love Talk" by Dr. Les Parrott

It gives suggestions and pointers on how to deal and communicate more effectively with your spouse. Also it will pull out all the fears each one has in their relationship .. Once the fears have been established and heard then you will have a better understanding for the actions or reactions you might have received in the past ot future