I'm Too Dependent

I am well aware I am too dependent on my boyfriend. If we aren't able to communicate for at least a little while every day I get very upset and often cry. Before you ask or say anything, I am NOT in an abusive relationship. I definatly wear the pants in this relationship. I've done extensive research on abusive relationships and removed myself from an abusive friendship 2 years ago and this feels nothing like that did. So why am I so dependent? I love him very much and he loves me too. Is there something wrong with me?

What would you have sought in more frequent communications had they been available to you? Comfort? Reassurance?

Perhaps you simply miss him...a lot?

Yes I would've. My phone's been broke for a while now so we've only been communicating through Facebook which fine except for when I spend the whole day out. I fell like I miss him a lot but I don't know if that's a healthy thing or not.

Long distance relationship?

Sometimes I don't know or i wonder if there really is such a thing as being dependant too much when we are in love or just in a relationship. I think there is an amount of dependancy when we are in a relationship, because that is what a relationship is, we help one another. I guess if it gets out of control, as if someone is asking too much, that is where the line is drawn.

It's just my opinion, but I think there's a difference between being dependent and wanting to be around someone.

My question would be, can you function without him? Basically, can you do things by yourself and not need him to do it?

If you can function even though you miss him, then I personally think that's normal. If you can't do anything like can't leave the house or fold laundry or whatever, then I think something is amiss.

For example, my wife and I don't do well apart. We're like quail. Yes, we can both handle day to day life and get things done, but we're happiest when we have each other around.

There a difference between wanting someone to be there and needing them to be there. When love is just blooming, it can be a little hard to tell the difference (here I go again, getting all mushy) because that person fills your heart so completely.

Instead of focusing on his being gone, think about the good times you'll have when you're together again.

I've been there, done that! I was married to a guy from England. I had a problem with my paperwork to stay over there and had to return home. We lived that way for two years.

The difference here is he liked his freedom too much. Before I left England he spent more time in the pub than with me. So of course the problem was me wanting him too much. When he asked for space I wanted to know how much space was enough when he had an ocean between us already.

I gave him my trust and his freedom till I was tired of waiting on him. We ended up divorcing in 2009. I put it down to the fact that we might never have ever been in love for the whole 6 years we were living together.

I'm sure you are in a different situation. I can only say that if you enjoy a day out but think about him it's ok as that is norma. He most likely is the same and maybe feels bad he can't give you the time your begging him for.

I agree with all above, especially the part about drawing the line. Fact is, if it is a long distance relationship (as mine is) it seems to make it easier to 'neeeeed' him than it would be if you were in an average, uncomplicated by miles relationship. We've got issues to deal with, of course, but I've been working on taking a breath and not freaking out so much if it 'feels' like we're not communicating enough. It's not the quantity, after all, it's the quality, and that means a lot.

FB can be frustrating, but if you have a 'smart phone' you can try whatsapp...it's a free chat program for the phone and makes contact much much easier, is conducted in real time and is capable of sending pics of what you might be doing, so you can 'share' the experiance with him. I.E. my bf is coming over in a couple weeks and we're getting some furniture...so my 'job' was to find stuff we'd like. I went to the stores and took pics, sending them thru whatsapp so he could see and sorta be with me for the experiance. Made those moments of the day much more kind and my anxiety relaxed.

No he does live about 20-25 minutes away and because of gas price, work schedules and my parents tolerance I usually see him once a week.

I can and do function without him since we're only high school students. I just prefer and am happier if I am with or at least in communication with him.

I HAD a smartphone. It broke in July. I will get a new one in September. That's why we are communicating via Facebook. The part I find frustrating is I have to be home to talk to him. I can't send him a message while I'm on break or lunch or when I'm out like I was use to doing before.

I think you simply miss him. You are not dependent.

Also, as Shakespeare described so well in Romeo and Juliet, nothing fires the passion of teenage lovers quite as much as parental intolerance.