Having sex withheld :(

Ok I think I have said something about this before. But it's got worse.

The guy I am kinda seeing ... well I have this little thing going on where I seem to throw up if I am stressed. It is random and maybe related to bulimia stuff I used to have ... But end of the day it's annoying but I can live with it.

Anyway he is so pissy with me at not seeing doctor (why? i know what causes it) that he WILL NOT sleep with me or do anything that involves fun stuff ... until I get it sorted out.

I also have a 'deadline' to sort it out by.

I am SO SO ANGRY we just keep having fights about it (on the phone, on MSN, by text, in person - although I haven't really seen him cos he is grump at me).

He has NO RIGHT to be so controlling - does he?

I am at the end of my tether. And for the record he does mean a LOT to me

Sunny .. it sounds as though he is worried about you .. And in order to get you to take care ofyourself and get this checked out he is having to resort to " taking things away" from you . I know it sounds childish.. but obviously something IS going on with you that is upsetting you to get you to throw up like that. Its upsetting him also evidently .. maybe to the point that he thinks that something you guys are doing is causing it. If he does mean anything to you and you are still doing this.. I too would urge you to get this checked out. Maybe he just doesnt know any other way of handling it. .. and you know you can be a wee bit stubborn about taking care ofyourself when it comes to medical matters. I dont mean to be mean by saying that ok? I care.. you know I do. Get your behind to the doc! k?

Hugz
Bethy

bethy i just don't DO doctors and im fine like now, it's the weekend, i am relaxed ...

ok maybe i am being stubborn but he won't even believe me when i said ok i'll try and go in next couple of weeks. no i get deadlines!!!!

*cries*

Sunny.. I'm sorry .. I didnt mean to make you cry.. Just worried about you too. I know you dont like doctors.. I know they are scarey for you. But this is something thats been going on for awhile now... I know your waiting to see if it " goes away" or " subsides" but do you deep down really thing that is going to happen? Hon.. he is trying to get you to put yourself first.. and take care of you! .

Do you think this is work related that your so stressed? Is something going on there?

Would you feel more comfortable if he went with you to the doctors? That way you got someone to be with you to hold your hand thru this? And to talk to to keep your mind off things? Just trying to think of things here that might help... maybe I am rambling.. IDK... Just please take care of you!!!!!!! oK?

no no you didn't make me cry ... im just about to cry with frustration ...

no im just super busy some 12 hour days and business trips away going on at the moment ... and im tired and blah from that ... but better in other ways (happier)

he wants 'proof' that i've gone, too

i dont want him to come with me he'd just say EVERYTHING and make me look stupid. plus he would know everything dr said and i would prolly be selective about what i told him.

i need to make up a convincing lie that i've gone that he will BELIEVE.

DSF, if he doesn't mean that much to you, why all this drama?? Tell him to go take a flying leap!

But I've gotta say, you need to take care of yourself better than that! It's your choice, though. However, it does sound like he cares about you and your health. If he does care, then I can't say as I blame him for being so insistent because of your own hesistancy.

I gotta put in my 2 cents worth here, I hope you don't mind. I don't think lying to him is the answer.. you care about each other and dishonesty is the quickest way to change that.... have you ever heard the saying..

" Oh what a tangled web we weave when we practice to deceive"

Well, trust me.. its not the answer.. the answer is to do what you must do to take better care of yourself and count him as a blessing for caring enough about you to take depserate measures to help you get well.

Take him with you to the doctor.. but tell him only one the condition that he not go in with you to be examined by the doc.. let him wait in the waiting room.. being there more for emotional support than anything... so you know you are safe because he is there.

I hope you get it worked out and that you are able to gain control over this medical situation soon... Good Luck!

Well I am glad I didnt make you cry.. and I can see why your feeling frustrated too. Thats putting in alot of time hon.

I am also glad your happier.. but there are some alarming things your saying here that well.. kinda go against a healthy relationship.

Maybe having him go to the office with you but not in the room... that would be proof.. and you wouldnt have to lie. Keeping secrets from him is not a good way to keep this relationship going and surviving.

And why do you think he'd make you look stupid? I dont get that.

thank you for the advice ... i dont know ... i just think its cos i'm kinda worrying about work and not getting enough sleep and stuff.

i dunno, im not really worried about the throwing up thing cos a lot of the time i'm absolutely fine (gonna be a piggy tonight going out for Japanese with friends). and it correlates with when i'm relaxed and happy - but like on a sunday night i might get sick before work. it is LAME.

i dont know, maybe i should just tell him to leave me alone altogether.

Does anyone else have advice?

Two friends at my support group expressed concern about me after I did an overdose & ended up in the ER. I made an appt. with my provider, then cancelled it, then made it again after they insisted. I think your BF is just trying to get you help. He cares. I don't want my husband to come to my appts. or have any info. (I haven't signed any release forms) about my condition. I understand that fear of revealing oneself, but you must reveal yourself to your doc to get proper treatment.--Suzy

OK

he is coming with me to see doctor
and gonna come in with me

we had a talk this morning and now its the best thing - he knows i'm going to go ...

so monday week 1pm ish

i know i suck not being strong enuf to go by myself

but him coming actually makes me feel better

sigh.

This is good. I am glad you are going. HOWEVER, I have a different slant on this than some in here. I would allow this, this time but would not allow him to manipulate you on other matters. This IS a matter of health

Nothing weak about needing the support of a loved one with you when you go see the doctor... I need that too... not that I get it.. I just often need it...

Let us know how it goes... and set up boundaries with your Bf..if you don't want him in the exam roon.. have him wait for you.. .there's nothing wrong with doing that.

Good Luck!!

i asked him to come in with me.

but then he said whateve i dont tell doc he will say
im stuck.

thank you for advice ...

in a way it is good cos it forces me to go ... i probably wouldn't otherwise, or i would get there and resort to just asking for contraception (which i have done before when going for something i don't wanna talk about).

i'm not sure what possessed me to ask him

If you are having concerns with what he will or won't say at the doctor's, you can (at the doctor's) just ask him to remain in the waiting room until you're finished. The doctor and staff will support you I think. It's great he's concerned about your health and working hard to get you to do what you "should" but once he gets you there, it's up to you to take care of your health; no one else can do it for you.