[missninaw]

I have been seeing a man periodically. We are both in our thirties so we are not kids. At first the relationship was good but then he started trying to be controlling and I am not the kind of person to let a man control me. If he doesn’t get his way he will ignore me or if I do anything he doesn’t like he will ignore me. Then just when I have forgot about him and mentally moved on from him he will contact me to say he wants me. We will continue to text each other getting on well and then if he suggests meeting up and I cant do that day due to work commitments he will then go in another mood and ignore me again....and then the same thing happens. I wanted to make things work with us and I have tried to be nice but everytime I do he will just get nasty with me....and when I try to make things better with us he will take this and use it to be nasty. It seems to me like he only contacts me so that he can try to make me feel bad. Yet whenever we are together he will tell me that he is in love with me. We have a lot of chemistry with each other and the sex is very good but it just seems although we can never get along unless it is all on his terms. He texts me again today weeks later and I was actually the one who was mean to him as I knew which way things would go if I was nice to him. He told me to forget it and once again disappears. He seems to get a kick out of being horrible to me but I don’t know why....and Im not sure why he does not just leave me alone instead of doing this it has been going on for months. I know not to waste my time on him now but I just cant understand why he does this and would like to know why. I think it may be a form of sadism and he enjoys trying to gain control and being nasty. I would like to know peoples thoughts on this. Thanks

[SilverNeurotic]

The best thing you can do for yourself is cut ties with this person and move on. Do not let him contact you, have him blocked on your phone, social networks, etc. Controlling people are NOT worth getting into a relationship with. You are just setting yourself up for heartbreak.

Originally Posted by missninaw

I have been seeing a man periodically. We are both in our thirties so we are not kids. At first the relationship was good but then he started trying to be controlling and I am not the kind of person to let a man control me. If he doesn’t get his way he will ignore me or if I do anything he doesn’t like he will ignore me. Then just when I have forgot about him and mentally moved on from him he will contact me to say he wants me. We will continue to text each other getting on well and then if he suggests meeting up and I cant do that day due to work commitments he will then go in another mood and ignore me again....and then the same thing happens. I wanted to make things work with us and I have tried to be nice but everytime I do he will just get nasty with me....and when I try to make things better with us he will take this and use it to be nasty. It seems to me like he only contacts me so that he can try to make me feel bad. Yet whenever we are together he will tell me that he is in love with me. We have a lot of chemistry with each other and the sex is very good but it just seems although we can never get along unless it is all on his terms. He texts me again today weeks later and I was actually the one who was mean to him as I knew which way things would go if I was nice to him. He told me to forget it and once again disappears. He seems to get a kick out of being horrible to me but I don’t know why....and Im not sure why he does not just leave me alone instead of doing this it has been going on for months. I know not to waste my time on him now but I just cant understand why he does this and would like to know why. I think it may be a form of sadism and he enjoys trying to gain control and being nasty. I would like to know peoples thoughts on this. Thanks

well when you say "I know not to waste my time on him now..." I hope you mean it because frankly I don't know what it is you had based on the description of the back and forth... Not sure what kind of chemistry you had at all really. The sex was "good" but fact is, sex with someone that you're truly clicking with and getting along with will definitely blow whatever you had with this guy out of the water

"...can't understand why.."

Seems to me he's a control freak and a manipulator. you've said you're not one to allow a man to control you and for that reason you pose a challenge to him to overcome and that's probably what's intriguing to him. It's not that he wants the pain of dealing with not being able to control you but that if he can "conquer" this ... it will be a sort of triumph to him. Thing is every time you've come back and tried to make it work, it's been an invitation to him to keep working on you and that the challenge is still available to him. ignore him and let him get tired of waiting, let him move on.

you can do way better than this.

[oldlife_disrupted]

"I think it may be a form of sadism and he enjoys trying to gain control and being nasty. "

You may be right but you might also be over complicating it. Sometime a-holes don't have reasons for doing what they do, they're just being themselves.

[shezbut]

Originally Posted by missninaw

I know not to waste my time on him now but I just cant understand why he does this and would like to know why. I think it may be a form of sadism and he enjoys trying to gain control and being nasty. I would like to know peoples thoughts on this. Thanks

Well ~ you said it. You know not to waste your time on him, but you continue to do so, despite his sadistic ways. He's got you hooked, and that's how it works. Get out now, before it moves to the next level. Believe me...there are further, scarier dimensions than these.

The best advice that I can give you is to stop giving in NOW. Change your phone number, computer address, etc. You really do need to protect yourself from letting this relationship go any farther.