[marjan]

I don't know how to control my negative thoughts and emotions. They pop up in my head when he's not with me and I have no control on them.....
Then I turn to be a nagging person!
I'm so afraid of losing him....We love each other and he's so good to me....He has two small kids and I don't have kids....That's our main issues....Kids like me and are good with me....However, when he's with his kids, I feel lonely and sad!
We are always together but yesterday he didn't come, and he went to his mom's home since her home is closer to the kids school and his work!
I felt extremely sad and I gave him so much hard time!
I know I don't want to leave him and we are really good together, but I'm not sure how I can control my negative thoughts and emotions....
And I know if I nag all the time and be depressed and sad, then he eventually gets tired of me!
It's been 7 month since we are together.....and we've been seeing each other every single days of these 7 months, not even one day without at least one hour spending time together....From the time that he asked me out for the first date till now, we've seen each other every day!

[cupofcoffee789]

I have a similar struggle. The times together are good but then apart is where all the anxiety hits and it makes me doubt everything! Hang in there, you're not alone

[antimonos]

Have you tried practicing some mindfulness skills, it might help give you back some control? Maybe even some DBT?

[boopei]

Originally Posted by marjan

I don't know how to control my negative thoughts and emotions. They pop up in my head when he's not with me and I have no control on them.....
Then I turn to be a nagging person!
I'm so afraid of losing him....We love each other and he's so good to me....He has two small kids and I don't have kids....That's our main issues....Kids like me and are good with me....However, when he's with his kids, I feel lonely and sad!
We are always together but yesterday he didn't come, and he went to his mom's home since her home is closer to the kids school and his work!
I felt extremely sad and I gave him so much hard time!
I know I don't want to leave him and we are really good together, but I'm not sure how I can control my negative thoughts and emotions....
And I know if I nag all the time and be depressed and sad, then he eventually gets tired of me!
It's been 7 month since we are together.....and we've been seeing each other every single days of these 7 months, not even one day without at least one hour spending time together....From the time that he asked me out for the first date till now, we've seen each other every day!

Wow! That sounds sooooo similar to my own situation, right down to the 2 kids!

For me, I find everytime I think a negative thought, I catch myself now, and try to offset it with a positive thought. It's hard (really hard) to do at first, but it gets easier.

I also have been trying to work on myself. Get my self-esteem higher. That man loves me no matter if I was 10 lbs or 10000lbs, but I am self-conscious, so I need to be stronger, and more confident. For me, it's re-connecting spiritually and getting healthy, do something for you, whatever it is you need to.. it might help!

It's easy to feel left out re: the kids, but just remember next time you feel that way, he's letting you share his, and his kids lives, so he's probably got a big enough heart, and love enough for all of you, equally. Some days your higher on the totem pole, and other days, the kids may be, but it evens out in the end

[aurill50]

I totally feel ya. I'm the same way (without the two kids). Its hard to change those negative thoughts. Usually what I do is mediate and try to ground those negative emotions and then banish them. If that doesn't work I count my blessings and try to be thankful for everything that I have in my life.

Its gotta get better from here. I wish the best for you and like cupofcoffee said you're not alone!

[marjan]

Thanks so much everybody.....I appreciate all of your inputs and I agree with you guys....I even know all of them, but I'm not sure why when I should use all these tools (e.g. mindfulness), I don't!

I'm feeling better today....Yesterday it was my first day of my period and I got so crazy before and during it.....I'm not proud of myself....

We talked a lot last night, but he told me that he's tired of it....and I understand....He's right....I'm tired of myself too....

He's an amazing person and we are totally in love, but I'm sabotaging our love.....He told me yesterday that kids wanted to be with me and they asked if they are coming over to my place, even his little son asked him if they can live with me....It makes me feel good, but sometimes, when they are around, it's too much work and I get frustrated!

I want to be good to him and I'm going to do that....I have to be less clingy and more loving and caring....I know he loves me, but if I show him all these bitterness, then he will eventually get tired of me....He's afraid of losing me too....He's afraid of me leaving him....

I shall make myself busier rather than concentrating on none sense.....

Thanks again for all your replies....I hope I stay focus on my life and no negative thoughts anymore....I want this man and I will make it happen....

with love
Marjan