[Nicks_Nose]

As a woman in my middle years, I am hearing more discussions of Erectile Dysfunction among my age group. While I can understand the association of it with aging, or stress if one is single/divorced/widowed and seeking relationships. Why oh why, if a healthy relationship has existed for many years amongst a couple, does a man suddenly question his worth as a man to his partner if they have been together for many years, simply because he cannot get an erection?

Why does that one appendage mean so much to men? Why do men still put so much weight on that one appendage to represent manhood when so many more important things such as devotion, wisdom, honour, honesty etc mean so much more to a woman? A woman wants to win a man's heart and mind. Everything else on the body is ornamentation. That specific body part can be compensated for and many men have other "skills" in that regard. Many women have other errogenous zones that they find just as stimulating and satisfying. Heck, there are gadgets that women can use. Women do NOT need that body part from a man anymore. We do need respect, devotion, friendship, understanding, laughter, etc.

When will men realize that that appendage is not the be all, end all of life? The way men get on about it, I am surprised they do not have churches with phallic symbols and prayers for it (or maybe they do).

[aurill50]

You know that's a really good question. It might have to do with a man's primal instinct to mate and care for his loved one. Our minds are still wired with animal instincts to protect ourselves and such. So maybe its something left over from our ancestors like our reaction to stress.

Just a theory.. I could be wrong.. Or its linked to his self-esteem.

I dont' think this question really can be answered very easily. I don't necessarily adhere to the ideas of "primal instincts" or other ideas that it's related to animalistic nature but I do believe it has to do with men (generally) being wired differently. You could possibly pose the same type of question to women that had breast cancer end ended up having surgery to remove their breasts. It affects them very strongly too, I believe. I think it's very similar to how men feel about their "manhood" and their ability to use it.

[Nicks_Nose]

I guess, since I have always been small chested anyway, I probably would not feel such a tragic loss. However, I cannot predict what I have not experienced. I have to respectfully acknowledge that. Perhaps I might be more understanding if I were to be in such a position of loss at some time. I do not mean any disrespect in the statement, but it has always been a question I have wanted to ask.

I, as a woman, have tried to help a former mate understand that I loved him as he was, ED and all. However, he could not believe me. He was convinced in his own mind that a woman could not love him if he was not a "full" man anymore. I could not comprehend it then and still am trying to grasp it now, many years later. This is why I ask it.

[Harley47]

I like your list of what, ideally, a woman seeks out of a man. I wish that was more prevalent in my age group.

Sandman brings up a good point, I think, and I think using his logic the argument could be reversed on the opposite gender. Speaking for myself (though I've no firsthand experience in the regard), it's a perceived "failure" or, perhaps more aptly, a "defect" on our part if that "doesn't work," so to speak. We, I suppose, have certain expectations out of what women expect, and much of it is socially and culturally enforced. It's not per se true nor is it an entirely rational line of thought. It's not that we necessarily hold "it" in such high regard for ourselves. Rather, I think it's an anticipation of expectation that leads to such a focus.

My two cents, at any rate.

[Edda]

Originally Posted by Nicks_Nose

Why do men still put so much weight on that one appendage to represent manhood when so many more important things such as devotion, wisdom, honour, honesty etc mean so much more to a woman? A woman wants to win a man's heart and mind. Everything else on the body is ornamentation.

I have to disagree with your generalization of what women want. While the qualities you listed are of course extremely important, I am someone for whom sex is an absolute must as part of the full equation.

I give you that if someone's life partner develops ED with age, that is certainly not a reason to end a loving marriage/relationship. I haven't been in that position myself.

[Nicks_Nose]

See, for myself, I have tried to find a more meaningful relationship beyond the physical and it has always seemed to me that a man only wants the physical. I have sought out relationships beyond the sexual acts so the lack of intimacy does not turn me off. It actually entices me. I seek out stimulation of the mind, the senses, the joy of mental and emotional bonding before the physical. So the physical is lower on my agenda.

[Edda]

Originally Posted by Nicks_Nose

See, for myself, I have tried to find a more meaningful relationship beyond the physical and it has always seemed to me that a man only wants the physical. I have sought out relationships beyond the sexual acts so the lack of intimacy does not turn me off. It actually entices me. I seek out stimulation of the mind, the senses, the joy of mental and emotional bonding before the physical. So the physical is lower on my agenda.

I think it is all down to personal preference.

I by no means want to give the impression that a profound mental and emotional connection is not important. Of course it is. I just don't see sex as something separate or lower. I think that great sex is actually pretty much the most amazing expression of all that dynamic between two people. Something that is so much more than the sum of the parts.

I also disagree with the notion that "a man only wants the physical". I think many of them want much, much more.

Edited to add: Lack of intimacy is actually a major turn off for me. Like I said, it really is about personal preferences.

[yellowfrog268]

I would be freaked out too if a part of my body stopped working. Especially if it was one that brought myself and my partner pleasure in the past.

Also, virility has always gone hand-in-glove with the definition of manhood. That's not to say that it is the sum total of manhood but it's always been a very important part of men's lives. I don't see it changing anytime soon.

[HealingNSuffering]

Originally Posted by Nicks_Nose

As a woman in my middle years, I am hearing more discussions of Erectile Dysfunction among my age group. While I can understand the association of it with aging, or stress if one is single/divorced/widowed and seeking relationships. Why oh why, if a healthy relationship has existed for many years amongst a couple, does a man suddenly question his worth as a man to his partner if they have been together for many years, simply because he cannot get an erection?

Why does that one appendage mean so much to men? Why do men still put so much weight on that one appendage to represent manhood when so many more important things such as devotion, wisdom, honour, honesty etc mean so much more to a woman? A woman wants to win a man's heart and mind. Everything else on the body is ornamentation. That specific body part can be compensated for and many men have other "skills" in that regard. Many women have other errogenous zones that they find just as stimulating and satisfying. Heck, there are gadgets that women can use. Women do NOT need that body part from a man anymore. We do need respect, devotion, friendship, understanding, laughter, etc.

When will men realize that that appendage is not the be all, end all of life? The way men get on about it, I am surprised they do not have churches with phallic symbols and prayers for it (or maybe they do).

As previously stated, it is a culturally enforced thing. That is great you appreciate those things in a man. Every time I've offered those things + great sex to a woman I was pushed to the side in favor of a man who doesn't treat her as well. I think many women are attracted to the whole bad boy image and don't respect nice guys very much. Hence the saying "nice guys finish last" rings true in many cases.

Somebody else already said this but I'll reinstate it, it is a part of our body that has worked since childhood, just like anybody whose body part stops functioning there will be distress, luckily modern medicine has pills for this problem many older men benefit from.

[Nicks_Nose]

I agree that the loss of any body part is stressful. I was simply wondering why so much more emphasis is placed on a man's persona in relation to this one body part more so than losing an arm or a leg would be.

A loss of a leg would definitely change a person's life and their abilities and options. However, I have never heard any mention of loss of identity as much as one does with this body part.

While physical pleasure is of some importance, it is not as important as many people think it to be. I think the emphasis our society places on physical pleasure it out of balance and markets it so out of proportion in relationships as the be all end all of one and that is not so. Relationships can adjust for other means of pleasure between a couple that do not have to be so traditional. Men do not have to feel as bad as they do about it.