Time and Space

Hi,

My story is pretty serious... I am not gonna make it too long. I really want your opinion.

I met him 6 months ago, fell head over heals. Both of us. Two weeks into the relationship he asked me to go on a 10 day trip to Thailand. After that I moved in with him. It was amazing.

When we met I was in a bad stage in life, no job, no flat, did not speak to my best friends etc. So, in a way he saved me. He gave me a roof over my head, got me job (a great one I love), helped me reconcile with my best friends and spoiled me with holidays, dinners and presents.

I was in heaven, he was the best man I met. I am Mediterranean, I say what I think, I get impulsive, I cool off. What would be a discussion, finding a solution would be for him a fight he needs three days to get over. He would tell me how it hurt him...

Last week we broke up in the most traumatic way. On Wednesday night I came home, he was not home, we did not speak much during the day. I call him, he does not respond but sends me a message immediately saying: "hi baby, how are you? missed your call. give me a kiss". I start freaking out because he did not pick or call back. All turns into a huge mess of shouting, not picking up the phone, me hanging up. Me locking the door, sending him a picture of it and telling him not to come home. By 200% this was the worst fight we had...

He stayed at a hotel, I told him not to at the end and that he is risking us but he did not listen.

The next morning he rushed into the flat, put £500 into an envelope, put it in my luggage and told me he is kicking me out and I have until 12pm to leave his flat. That he has done everything for me and I am a selfish *****. That he has no feelings for me and wants me out of his life.

He leaves and I am crashed and can't move from the floor. The next day we were supposed to go to Spain for the weekend. The day before he woke up saying he can't wait to spend the weekend with me at the beach and a day later he never wants to see me again.

It does not stop there. I OD'ed and told him that. He came home with the police, calling an ambulance. He cried so much that he could not breath, speak, he was shaking. I could not look him in the eyes and he did not come to the hospital. He said he couldn't, his best friend from high school killed himself.

I was fine. My friends were there. The next day I packed my things, left my keys on the table with a letter apologizing. A day later he texted me saying he does not want to speak for a couple of weeks until all is settled and needs time and space for himself. If he needed 3 days to recover after a little fight, how long was this one gonna be?!

Two days later I could not resist and told him how I miss him and how I don't understand. He basically said it was all my fault, he made his decision even it is hard, it is his choice.

Another two days later I asked him if he wants to say a proper goodbye. He said yes, but not now, in a couple of weeks. I am not even sure he means it.

He always told me he wants me to be independent. Now, I am getting my own flat and my job is going well and keeping me busy. I want to see if we have another chance but he would not speak to me.... I wish I could turn back time but I can't.

I need your advice.

Thank you.

He needs some time to himself to cope and get over his friends death, we all do strange things when a person we know and love has died. maybe this is just one way of him coping with his loss, he probably doesn't want you to see him in the way he's in so i hope you can understand that. He needs time to heal, and is probably worried about losing anyone else too.

Thank you for your answert but his friend died in high school. He is 34 now. I believe there is a misunderstanding.

Definitely, sounds like he needs some cooling off time. After all, that was quite a fight and could cost you your life. I'm sure it took him back to where is still grieving for his friend. I would give him the time he need so deal with the situation before pushing him to meet up.

avlady, I don't think the friend killing himself was a recent thing. That was just the reason he wouldn't go to the hospital because it brought back those memories.

SamTim, I'll be honest here. From your description of how you acted, I would not want to be with someone who acts like that either. It sounds like you have a problem controlling yourself, and if this type of behavior is a regular occurrence (even to a lesser extent), I can certainly see why he broke it off. As far as I can tell from your description, you started a HUGE fight over absolutely nothing. That's some pretty over-the-top overreaction there, and a lot of people like to avoid pointless drama in their lives.

It's impossible to tell whether he will eventually agree to see you again, but if he does, I suggest you take it slow with some dates so you can remind him why he loved you and show him that you can learn some self control.

The part over a screaming match, right after he texted you? I, don't think, I'd be able to handle screaming matches in any relationship. Sure, you are from a passionate background, but there's being passionate and there's what it sounds like is going on in your relationship.

You called to tell him you OD'd, glad you were OK and out by the next day. That can be construed as manipulative. And perhaps, why he's taking his space.

Sounds like things, moved really, really quickly, in the relationship. The more you try to contact him, before he's ready, the less well it will reflect on your future.

Hope you are able to sort through, what brought you to this point, to fix it, and move forward.

the screaming started because i called him four times and he did not answer or say why he didnt pick up. but throughtout the time i was calling he was only texting me. which really confused me and made me feel insecure... i am not trying to excuse it... it was really bad...

i made a huge mistake... i admitted and asked for forgiveness. i started counselling. found a flat. my job is going well. im two weeks i turned things to a positive. the only thing that is missing is him speaking to me.

the last conversation was 10 days ago where he said he needs time before he can meet me. two days after that i admitted my mistakes in the relationship and asked for forgiveness. he never replied... i never said anything to the OD because i am hoping i will be able to explain when we meet...