I keep wondering "When will it be my turn?"

All of my friends are getting married and having children, and me? I'm almost 30 and I've never had a healthy or lasting relationship. For as long as I can remember, the only thing I've ever wanted was a good relationship. You don't know how confusing that is when you're 12. But I'm so incredibly toxic in relationships. I'm a great friend, but a terrible boyfriend. I don't think I'm really meant to find "the right person." I don't think she exists. But then why would God put that desire in my heart from such an early age?

He gave me the desire, but its almost impossible for me to ever achieve...

I know how you feel. I'm 33 and have only had bad relationships. All my friends are married too and it makes me really sad. You're not alone. I don't know if I will ever find the right guy.

And all i can ever seen to focus on is how much time I've lost instead of what time i have left. My twenties are coming closer to the end and I have nothing in life to show for it, not even any fun times

All I have are memories, the last 10 years have been a waste for me. I keep looking at time lost too. Right now I am at a stand still, nothing happens to me anymore. Every day just flows into the next, I have nothing to show for my life.

You aren't alone. I feel the same exact way

Same here, every day is exactly the same, dull and boring. Work, pass the time however I can, sleep if I'm lucky, repeat over and over...

I don't have a job anymore. I failed at that too. I fail at everything. Every day. Just existing. Watching life go on around me.

What little self worth i have is tied to having a job. now my depression is affecting my work performance and I'm afraid I'm going to lose it. If that teaspoons i think i will very quickly spiral down to rock bottom :'(

Listen... you should work on yourself first so that you can become a good boyfriend.

If every relationship you have is toxic, there is one thing that's the same in every one of them: you. And, since you recognize the fact that you're a good friend but a bad boyfriend, then you need to go back and look at each relationship. Figure out which things are a pattern in them that cause the toxic nature. Then you have to figure out where those patterns are coming from.

Example: I can't stand being left out. I know this comes from my childhood of not having any friends and my cousins purposefully not including me. So, this is an area where I have trouble in my relationships when I feel left out. It's something I know is my problem, and that I have to work on. I know why I feel this way, and need to remember the person I'm with no is not connected to the situations of the past.

Therapy, self-help books, support groups, or whatever might help you. But before you get the healthy relationship you want, you have to work on making yourself the best person you can be.