unable to FEEL for people

my attraction and interest in people - family, friends, men - is always intellectual only
i never seem to develop any sort of emotional attachment to them
i care a great deal for people in general - and, like everyone else, i care for certain people more than others
but it is a detached caring

normally i am interested in someone for only a short period of time - a few months at most - and then i become bored
it seems that i have learned all about them that i possibly can or want to - and i tire of them
i just reread that and it sounds horrible - but it is true

i have a few people in my life that i truly adore - i often refer to them as the people i've kept - and it seems that once a person gets into this category they will remain there always
i would do anything for them
and yet - it is still not really an emotional attachment

i hate being this way - ive tried for years to figure out how to change it but nothing has worked

any ideas on WHY i am this way with people or HOW i might be able to remedy my situation?

thanks

"Those who Dance are thought Mad by Those who Hear Not the Music."

This could be some sort of defense mechanism, if you don't let yourself get too emotionally involved, you will not get hurt. Do you let yourself open up to anyone? Tell them how you feel both in general and about them? Maybe you should try this with one person you really trust and see what happens. I think if you allow yourself to feel in one relationship and it is rewarding, maybe you can do it in others?

i have no problem expressing what i think or feel to anyone - it bothers me not at all (perhaps because there is no emotional investment)
i agree with you that it must be some sort of defense mechanism - i just know not how it came to be or how to be rid of it
i suppose i have some long term friends that i truly trust
and i believe if any sort of real relationship people have to share all of their thoughts and feelings - so this is not the problem
the problem is that i am not certain i have any feelings - or i at least am unable to access them
i love my children very much (i have two boys) so i know i CAN love - but ?????
still confused i am!

"Those who Dance are thought Mad by Those who Hear Not the Music."

<font color=purple>Hi. In your messages you often talk of those you care about and love and that shows you have feelings and are expressing them. Perhaps you are underestimating yourself. You say you can express yourself and you also express yourself well here. You talked about an intellectual level of interest in others. If this is presenting a problem and for a long time I think seeing a counselor about it might be the answer for you. They have techniques to help us when we have these sort of problems.

I wonder if you just haven't met any people lately who you really want to get to know better. Maybe there isn't a lot of compatibility with those you've met more lately, too. I don't know for sure, I'm just coming up with ideas for you.

When I was in college I needed to operate on an intellectual level. That's how many there are and to their benefit. It's almost a necessity there and it helps a person to be that way to get through the experience. Being very intellectual is rewarded in college, too. We can have our intellectual side and feeling side, too, at the same time. I think finding a balance feels better to us, though.

I think the reasons this is happening to you is within you and the way to get rid of it is working it out with a counselor. This may take some time and that's why I suggest it. Finding a balance might be helpful but the counselor can show you how best. There may be things to explore in depth. Best wishes to you and hope you keep posting and reading here. CQ</font color=purple>

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<font color=green>"The lesson which life repeats and constantly enforces is 'look under foot.' You are always nearer the divine and the true sources of your power than you think.
John Burroughs</font color=green>