[gibbymommy]

I posted here earlier about my husband who leaves for days at a time when we argue and sometimes threatens or implies divorce. He left on Sunday and today is Wednesday and no contact. I tried to call on Monday and no answer. I have been ok but today I am sad and cring and want to call and talk desperately. If I call and he doesn't answer it feels like he is just taking more control over the situation. Should I call him? Should I wait and see if he calls me? Do you think he will call eventually.

[Truth in Ruin]

I would call. The worst thing that could happen would be that you're still in the same position, so no risk. My question is where is he staying? Does he stay with a family member? I mean, where exactly is he staying at?

[gibbymommy]

He has a job that he travels a lot. He just drives to where he needs to go and stays in hotels. His work covers the cost of hotels and expenses when he is traveling. He told me he was going to Wisconsin (which was the plan before we got into and argument) then going to Georgia where his corporate headquarters are for the rest of the two weeks he will be gone.

[Truth in Ruin]

I see. Well threatened with divorce doesn't sound healthy at all. Do you think he says that out of child like immaturity, or do you think he really means it? Maybe more importantly, are you unhappy? Maybe you should talk to him about couples counseling.

[gibbymommy]

I really don't know if he means it or not. He always says it when he is packed up and going out the door. He says I just don't give the situation time. I push him too hard but in my opinion 3 days is not pushing. I have waited two days before calling a few times and he said I just don't get that men go into "caves" (he read that on the internet) and I need to give him space.

Originally Posted by gibbymommy

I really don't know if he means it or not. He always says it when he is packed up and going out the door. He says I just don't give the situation time. I push him too hard but in my opinion 3 days is not pushing. I have waited two days before calling a few times and he said I just don't get that men go into "caves" (he read that on the internet) and I need to give him space.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way again. But in my opinion it's a crock. If something 'happened' to him, I fully believe his company would notify you. He is just trying to control you....and he seems to be achieving this goal.

Don't call...go for a walk. Go out to lunch / dinner. Go find a dog to pet or a friend (like on here) to rant at. But don't call.

He's done this before, he has a history. Like I said in your earlier post...use this time to prepare for the time he makes good on his threats. In the mean time...much like a spoiled child, he expects you to react the way you always have (thus demeaning you in his eyes...sorry) so DON'T DO IT.

[hannabee]

I hope I'm wrong, but it sounds like he could be leading a double life????? And how you would find something like that out, I haven't a clue. Good luck to you I hope things get better soon. You and your child deserve better than this!!!

[gibbymommy]

Just an update. I did not call him today. I am a real "lets talk about this" type of person so it was pretty tuff for me. I really think just posting in here and reading the posts have helped a lot. Tomorrow is another day.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by gibbymommy

he said I just don't get that men go into "caves" (he read that on the internet) and I need to give him space.

He feels, that three days or more, in a marriage, when he's out travelling, is 'man cave' appropriate behavior for not at least, keeping you posted, that he's ok? I, as a woman, get 'man caves.'. Aren't you the woman, he made a commitment to, and presumably, asked to marry him? (I say, presumably, since there are instances, where women have asked men to marry them, but I digress.)

You asked, in an earlier posting, if this was just his way of controlling the situation?

Well, it's keeping you wondering. yes. You sound like you feel miserable and miss him terribly. yes.

He seems to hold a lot of power, over how you are feeling. I, personally, do not like it, when I allow myself, to allow someone else to hold power over my emotions.

Which is more painful, being single, or the way, you are feeling, right now?