[evilregalreginafan]

I've never participated in this kind of forum so please bear with me.
I have a relationship problem & I have no where else to turn. My partner & I have been together for 18 yrs. (10 of those living together but now we live in separate apartments). Both my partner (I'll call her A) & I both suffer from depression & anxiety. Our relationship has always been an emotional roller coaster. We've fought so bad that a couple of times the cops have been called.
Making things worse, earlier this year A was diagnosed with cancer. She was actually diagnosed because she got so emotionally upset that I called the paramedics who took her to the hospital & then her disease was found.
A is an extremely difficult person to be around. She is negative, highly depressed, has a horrible temper, & sees herself as a victim. Just today when I told her that I thought I was coming down with a cold she actually said that I was jealous that she had cancer.
I have long suspected that our relationship is toxic. I feel like she takes out her bad moods on me, takes no responsibility, & now she's drinking a lot which makes her behavior worse.
I am alone & have lately felt increasingly helpless & trapped. I'm poor & have no friends & my family is out of the picture. Although I've been by A's side through her treatments it's never good enough. When the doctors say she doesn't need more treatment she won't believe it. All she does is ***** & complain (not about the cancer but the depression).
Does anyone have any suggestions? I need some help.

[healingme4me]

Sorry you are going through all of this, right now. I hope it's not terminal, the cancer, she has

I don't have a lot of advice, to give, other than to learn how to emotionally detach from her anger.

Originally Posted by evilregalreginafan

I've never participated in this kind of forum so please bear with me.
I have a relationship problem & I have no where else to turn. My partner & I have been together for 18 yrs. (10 of those living together but now we live in separate apartments). Both my partner (I'll call her A) & I both suffer from depression & anxiety. Our relationship has always been an emotional roller coaster. We've fought so bad that a couple of times the cops have been called.
Making things worse, earlier this year A was diagnosed with cancer. She was actually diagnosed because she got so emotionally upset that I called the paramedics who took her to the hospital & then her disease was found.
A is an extremely difficult person to be around. She is negative, highly depressed, has a horrible temper, & sees herself as a victim. Just today when I told her that I thought I was coming down with a cold she actually said that I was jealous that she had cancer.
I have long suspected that our relationship is toxic. I feel like she takes out her bad moods on me, takes no responsibility, & now she's drinking a lot which makes her behavior worse.
I am alone & have lately felt increasingly helpless & trapped. I'm poor & have no friends & my family is out of the picture. Although I've been by A's side through her treatments it's never good enough. When the doctors say she doesn't need more treatment she won't believe it. All she does is ***** & complain (not about the cancer but the depression).
Does anyone have any suggestions? I need some help.

[Rose3]

Hi - good for you for finding this forum. I just read your profile and see that you like cats and movies. Cats are so nice. And you're in the Montreal area - a city with much to offer. Your partner could be very ill (that cancer) - so hopefully she has a good doctor - I mean some things might be a somewhat beyond her control. It's kind-hearted of you to stay and be supportive for her. And I'm sure that it's difficult for her to have to accept this cancer. Has she always been difficult, negative, with a "horrible temper" while drinking a lot? But your own self-care - find some ways to expand your own social support network - you can take classes, do volunteer work, take on a job if you have time, take some art classes (one of my answers to just about everything) - meet some new people, make some new friends and acquaintances. Find some ways for you to have some distance from this toxicity. Or could the both of you go for some partner counselling or therapy?

[evilregalreginafan]

Thanks so much for your reply. I just wanted to say that my partner had surgery (in April) & the doctors have all told her that the cancer is gone & she doesn't need further treatment (no chemo or radiation). Of course A doesn't believe this & insists that the doctors are wrong. She's sure something is going to go wrong.
What you said about emotionally detach from her anger really hit home with me. It's just a lot harder said than done, especially given my dwindling self worth.

[evilregalreginafan]

Thanks so much for taking the time to reply. As I said I've never participated in one of these discussion forums & it's nice to get such quick feedback.
A has always been negative (she has depression too) & her drinking has been problematic for awhile. Lately I find that she'll do or say something when she's drunk that she can't remember hours later. For example, the other day she cancelled our plans, shoved me out of her apartment door, & said, "I'll see you whenever". The next day she asked what had happened to me & why didn't I come over so we could go out? I was shocked & all I could say was "Are you joking?" According to her I made the whole incident up (I wasn't drunk...stone cold sober). It's so infuriating!!!
I think your advice about making new friends & getting out is very wise. It's just hard for me but I can't live like this much longer. Thankfully I have my cats. They bring me such great joy & are so comforting.