[bluedolphin92]

First off, let me explain my story a bit...There's this guy that I know on another online forum who I've been friends with for quite some time now (though our friendship is pretty much just online). Back in May, I met him in real life for the first time. When we met, we ended up hooking up, though we couldn't actually have sex because he forgot condoms. Shortly after that, I noticed that he seemed more distant in his communication, and he finally told me that he couldn't do a long distance relationship with me, which I understood. (Though I had never mentioned anything about a relationship. I just asked him what our meeting meant.)

Well, after that, his communication with me went back to a bit more normal. Eventually, it started to move back to more flirtatious stuff, and he brought up how we never got to go all the way the last time we met. He hinted towards coming to see me again so we could, and I went along with it because I do still want him. Even if it can't be a relationship, I want to see him just this once. This went on for quite awhile but he could never seem to tell me when it could actually happen. I pointed this out to him and said it almost seemed like he was just joking, which led him to send me a picture of himself which suggested otherwise.

Well, after he sent me the picture, I asked him when I'd be able to see him in person. That was the most direct I had been with asking him when we could meet. He still hasn't given me any kind of answer and I asked him over 2 weeks ago. We've talked a bit since then, though not much.

Now here's the important part...
The last time I talked to him was past Thursday. We had a very short conversation through text in the afternoon. In the evening I sent him a text asking again when I'd be able to see him and since then...absolutely nothing. No texts, no private messages through the other forum, no conversations on the forum, nothing. I know he's been on his computer because I have him as a friend on Steam and have seen him playing games there. I've sent a couple messages through Steam just trying to initiate conversation but again, no response. Saturday was my birthday and he said nothing then, even though I reminded him through text. I have no idea if there's a problem with his phone or something but either way this total lack of contact with him is really upsetting me I'm worried that I freaked him out by asking when I'd be able to see him and now he's trying to avoid me or something. The fact that he's been like this in the past adds to my worry. He's never totally ignored me like this before but I still have to wonder.

How can I get him to say something to me? I've already sent several texts and don't know if I want to send more. I don't know what to do.

[NWgirl2013]

Please stop trying to contact him. I think it is clear that he isn't as interested in the flirtation as you are.
I'm sorry to be so blunt.
Guys want to be the one to chase. I know that sounds sexist and all that but it is the way they are wired. I can guarantee you this guy would call/text/write/message & see you, if he really wanted to. Better to let him come to you. And remember this for the future. The guy wants to be the pursuer. Always.
In the meantime, get busy with other things. I wish you the best...

[bluedolphin92]

Yes, it's becoming clear to me that he's not as interested in this as I am. But he had seemed really on board with it before. Why the shift in attitude?

[NWgirl2013]

Is that a rhetorical question?! Who knows why guys do what they do in regards to this sort of thing....?!
You have lots going for you, so, get going! Shake this off.
Onward and Upward

[bluedolphin92]

I guess you're right. It's just difficult for me to shake it off because I've never had a guy show this type of interest in me before. I really like this guy, he's been such a good friend for so long, and I would really love to see him again, even if it's only once. If he finally does get back in to contact with me and gives me some direct sign that he is interested, should I still take it?

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by bluedolphin92

. If he finally does get back in to contact with me and gives me some direct sign that he is interested, should I still take it?

Not after ignoring your birthday!

[bluedolphin92]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Not after ignoring your birthday!

Good point. I do wonder how he can explain that...=/

[themonster7]

How can you get someone to stop ignoring you without seeming desperate? You can't.
I know it's the last thing you want to do but you have to move on. I don't know why he's ignoring you now, I'm not in his head, but you just have to accept it.

[bluedolphin92]

I guess you're right

If he keeps this up, how long should I wait before trying to contact him again? No matter what happens I never want to lose him as a friend...

[NWgirl2013]

Just . Wait . Until . He . Contacts . You

If the friendship means anything to him, he will eventually. Just wait. When you think you can't stand it another second, wait some more.

[bluedolphin92]

Ugh. So I sent him one more message because I saw he was on Steam. Just trying to start a conversation, ask him if his phone is broken or lost or something. I seriously do not expect a response but I just...I had to. Just this one last message. After this I'm done until he contacts me, I swear.

[Jishkah]

It's difficult. Insanely difficult. I'm not going to lie: this will not be an easy battle, especially if you're so attached to him. It doesn't sound like he's attached to you at all... perhaps he was initially interested in the sex, and the sex, alone? I don't know. I'm not this person. Nor am I you, nor do I know of the entire situation, but it certainly sounds like he doesn't care about you nearly as much as you care about him, which is a terrible situation to be in.

What I can say, though, is that time will fix things. It doesn't sound like he's willing to contact you, which is going to hurt quite a bit, but it's still better than leading you on. Paranoia, fear, loneliness, over-attachment, all of that... it is a terrible, terrible thing to feel, and I wouldn't wish it on anybody, and it's just not fair that it happens to people, but it does. You cope with it, though. You deal with it. You push through it, because there's not much more of a choice, and then, eventually, you forget about it, regardless of how much you want the opposite, at the moment. At the very least, he isn't leading you on. Not anymore, at least...

K I'm just gonna go for the elephant in the room...I agree with everything said above but just want to add, maybe he's married? or has a gf? Already? And he got caught? I mean it could be he's just not that into you, but usually men (even the ones being chased) if they're sexually interested the first time, they don't let that dry up and rarely if they are being offered 'no strings attached' sex.

He could be different of course.

Or he could have an SO and he's not willing to mess that up for you...sorry to say that so harshly...even if it came with no responsibility. In any case, it will be difficult...I'm going thru the 'no contact' thing myself right now..and I'm crying one minute, furious the next, numb and mumbling next....but stick to it. You'll feel better about yourself and if he does contact you, for whatever reason, you'll receive the respect you deserve.

Rikki Lee Jones has a good quote: '...if he offers it take it, but honey don't give it away if he don't appreciate it...'

[bluedolphin92]

Originally Posted by Jishkah

It's difficult. Insanely difficult. I'm not going to lie: this will not be an easy battle, especially if you're so attached to him. It doesn't sound like he's attached to you at all... perhaps he was initially interested in the sex, and the sex, alone? I don't know. I'm not this person. Nor am I you, nor do I know of the entire situation, but it certainly sounds like he doesn't care about you nearly as much as you care about him, which is a terrible situation to be in.

What I can say, though, is that time will fix things. It doesn't sound like he's willing to contact you, which is going to hurt quite a bit, but it's still better than leading you on. Paranoia, fear, loneliness, over-attachment, all of that... it is a terrible, terrible thing to feel, and I wouldn't wish it on anybody, and it's just not fair that it happens to people, but it does. You cope with it, though. You deal with it. You push through it, because there's not much more of a choice, and then, eventually, you forget about it, regardless of how much you want the opposite, at the moment. At the very least, he isn't leading you on. Not anymore, at least...

He never used to be this way, though. Only recently have I started to have these doubts about him. He just doesn't seem like the type to only be interested in someone for sex. I don't know what his deal is, and that's the main problem I'm having. I just can't get him to talk to me

[bluedolphin92]

Originally Posted by KathyOlivia

K I'm just gonna go for the elephant in the room...I agree with everything said above but just want to add, maybe he's married? or has a gf? Already? And he got caught? I mean it could be he's just not that into you, but usually men (even the ones being chased) if they're sexually interested the first time, they don't let that dry up and rarely if they are being offered 'no strings attached' sex.

He could be different of course.

Or he could have an SO and he's not willing to mess that up for you...sorry to say that so harshly...even if it came with no responsibility. In any case, it will be difficult...I'm going thru the 'no contact' thing myself right now..and I'm crying one minute, furious the next, numb and mumbling next....but stick to it. You'll feel better about yourself and if he does contact you, for whatever reason, you'll receive the respect you deserve.

Rikki Lee Jones has a good quote: '...if he offers it take it, but honey don't give it away if he don't appreciate it...'

He's definitely not married, and doesn't have a gf as far as I know. Doesn't seem like the type that would ever cheat either.

One thing that I worry about is that he thinks I want a relationship with him or something and that's why I want to see him. Even though part of me still does wish he'd at least try a long distance relationship for awhile, I understand that I have to respect his feelings about it. I mostly just want this to be a one time thing, since we couldn't do everything the last time we met. I just want to do it right, see him just this once, and then go back to just being good friends. That's all I want. But I can't tell him that because he won't talk to me at all.

It's just so hard to not contact him though. Even though I've started to get in the mindset that I'm just never going to get a response, it just gives me a tiny sense of relief to send him just one message.

[LadyShadow]

It doesn't sound like he wants anything to do with you anymore.

That's harsh, but I agree with what a lot of the other posters said and I just wanted to say I used to feel the exact same way when guys have done that to me.

I was always chasing after them and they really do like to do the chasing. He may just be avoiding you because he just doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore and just doesn't have the balls to tell you why.

That's the worst. But after this message if he still doesn't contact you, you should just try and forget about him.

[bluedolphin92]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

It doesn't sound like he wants anything to do with you anymore.

That's harsh, but I agree with what a lot of the other posters said and I just wanted to say I used to feel the exact same way when guys have done that to me.

I was always chasing after them and they really do like to do the chasing. He may just be avoiding you because he just doesn't want to have anything to do with you anymore and just doesn't have the balls to tell you why.

That's the worst. But after this message if he still doesn't contact you, you should just try and forget about him.

I doubt he "doesn't want anything to do with me".... At least I certainly hope that's not the case. We've been friends for about 7 years now, I can't believe he'd just want to throw that all away so suddenly.

I can believe that maybe he just doesn't want to see me in person again for whatever reason, and doesn't have the balls to tell me THAT...

[LadyShadow]

Seven years is a long time to talk to someone then turn your back. I find that hard to believe too. But maybe he doesn't want to see you and is tired of dodging your questions to see him?

I think maybe he just doesn't want to persue anything with you, and thinks you want a relationship.

But for some reason he is not choosing to contact you, so I can't help but think that maybe he is throwing the relationship away even though you might think that makes no sense.

[Trippin2.0]

You cant.

Sending countless messages is desperate no matter which way you spin it, you are desperate for a response. Same with clingy, you're clinging onto the idea of your relationship/friendship.

So in short the clingy desperation already shines through brightly.

How about you type whatever it is you feel compelled to say to him in a memo or word doc. That way its out of your system without actually sending it to him.
I do that when my bf is in his mancave, I harass my memo instead of him

He's not responding and only he knows why, I suggest you leave him alone because you'll drive yourself and him nuts with forcing the issue. You can't make him explain himself and you cant make him want you either.

Maybe he'll want to reach out and explain once you stop contacting him. Maybe it seems like a "hot topic" and he wants to avoid starting a fire, so he may be waiting for you to cool off and calm down. If that's the case, the more you text, the longer his silence drags on.

[IndieVisible]

Originally Posted by bluedolphin92

Yes, it's becoming clear to me that he's not as interested in this as I am. But he had seemed really on board with it before. Why the shift in attitude?

Sorry to say but the excitement for him has passed. Some guys prefer the chase, after the capture and control it's time to move on. He never looked at you as a relationship waiting to flourish. All he saw was a possible score. That moment has passed and highly unlikely to reoccur. I strongly advise you to move on too.

[bluedolphin92]

Originally Posted by PlatinumHeart

Seven years is a long time to talk to someone then turn your back. I find that hard to believe too. But maybe he doesn't want to see you and is tired of dodging your questions to see him?

I think maybe he just doesn't want to persue anything with you, and thinks you want a relationship.

But for some reason he is not choosing to contact you, so I can't help but think that maybe he is throwing the relationship away even though you might think that makes no sense.

Maybe, but he seemed so on board with it for so long...

It doesn't make sense. I really hope that's not the case.

[bluedolphin92]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

You cant.

Sending countless messages is desperate no matter which way you spin it, you are desperate for a response. Same with clingy, you're clinging onto the idea of your relationship/friendship.

So in short the clingy desperation already shines through brightly.

How about you type whatever it is you feel compelled to say to him in a memo or word doc. That way its out of your system without actually sending it to him.
I do that when my bf is in his mancave, I harass my memo instead of him

He's not responding and only he knows why, I suggest you leave him alone because you'll drive yourself and him nuts with forcing the issue. You can't make him explain himself and you cant make him want you either.

Maybe he'll want to reach out and explain once you stop contacting him. Maybe it seems like a "hot topic" and he wants to avoid starting a fire, so he may be waiting for you to cool off and calm down. If that's the case, the more you text, the longer his silence drags on.

I've tried that memo thing before. It just doesn't seem to work as well. I guess it's better than continuing to send texts that just go unanswered though =/

The longer he goes without contacting me the more upset I seem to get, though. I guess I just can't make him understand that without harassing him further though, can I?

[bluedolphin92]

Originally Posted by IndieVisible

Sorry to say but the excitement for him has passed. Some guys prefer the chase, after the capture and control it's time to move on. He never looked at you as a relationship waiting to flourish. All he saw was a possible score. That moment has passed and highly unlikely to reoccur. I strongly advise you to move on too.

People keep saying that, but really I made my interest in him clear from very early on. We flirted back and forth quite a bit and I was just as much a part of it as he was.

How can I move on though?

[Trippin2.0]

Originally Posted by bluedolphin92

I guess I just can't make him understand that without harassing him further though, can I?

Harassing him will do no such thing actually, it won't lead to him understanding you. It will only leave him unwilling to listen to anything you have to say no matter how well intentioned...

Trust me, if there is any chance of him contacting you again, you're screwing it up by contacting him.

[bluedolphin92]

Originally Posted by Trippin2.0

Harassing him will do no such thing actually, it won't lead to him understanding you. It will only leave him unwilling to listen to anything you have to say no matter how well intentioned...

Trust me, if there is any chance of him contacting you again, you're screwing it up by contacting him.

I sent him another text. I just couldn't help myself After that I changed his name in my phone to say "Wait for him to text you first", and am trying to keep my phone away from me/turned off at all times now. I hope that helps me control myself more...I just want to talk to him. So much.

I still can't help but think that maybe, just maybe there's something wrong with his phone. I'd feel so bad if it turns out he lost his phone or something and then he has to see all the texts I've sent him when he gets it back. I just keep trying to find ways to justify his silence because him straight up ignoring me goes against everything I know about him.