[SadFatCat]

I try hard to think of why no one likes me. I figured out that I can be a bore sometimes. I don't know how to be social. This, I think, is because I was ignored as a child. I'm nice...too nice sometimes. Mostly it seems people just want to use me. It is weird but, even the one friend I have would rather my life get worse than better. What is up with that?

[Poppy Princess]

I'm sorry that must be hard. I hope you find some friends here

[SadFatCat]

I need friends.

[unaluna]

I had a friend like that. Her life was better than mine in every way. When mine improved in just one way - I got a job closer to home - that was it, she became so hostile to me. Yet all this time she was taking foreign vacations, bought a vacation home, remodeled her home, etc.

If you stick around here, you can work on your social skills. It has helped me a lot.

[Anika.]

I'm sorry you feel that way. I used to feel that way too. I also had friends that seemed to relish in my failutes and try to knock down my success. Well no one needs friends like that, kind of defies the definition of friendship.

I was raised to be not seen or heard. It took me a long time to feel that I had calue as a person and that I actually had something of value to say and offer others. I still struggle with this at times, even here. But have for the most part improved a great deal. Many of the people here helped me with that as well.

I know if you stick around here you will make some friends. Sometimes the only thing we really need to work on most is how we feel about ourselves. Others can pick up on that and not consiously react to it.

I am sure you are not a bore but maybe don't value yourself enough.

And hey, I bet most if not all the people who just replied to you here would also like to see your life get better and not worse.

[FourEyesAK]

When I was younger, I would attract the type of people who only wanted me around to make themselves feel better. It hurt a lot and took me a while to figure out that I didn't need people like that in my life. I was better off having no friends than friends like that. I eventually made some real friends that are real kindred spirits.

Have you thought about joining something like a book club or an outdoor group - something that matches some of your interests? You might be able to meet some like-minded people who could turn out to be good friends. It's a scary step to take, but you have to put yourself out there if you're make friends.

[AngstyLady]

I feel for you! I too know this feeling. I used to be the worst people pleaser. People pleaser by day, vented by partying at night-I attracted a bunch of 'friends' that also weren't supportive and seemingly relished in any adversity that came my way. It's hard t feel like no one likes you. I'm sure people do. I have some friends now and my family reminds me that people do like me. You might not even notice that people like you. Ditch your toxic friend, and look up info on toxic friends, it'll help avoid them in the future. It may take time, but if you can try and build up some self confidence, and learn to say no/not want to always please others and live more for yourself, you'll start making some genuine friends.

[wisedude]

Well being "nice" to people has got me a long way in life.

I have been "nice" to to 8 main young people (formally children and a couple of teenagers), and I have provided LOYAL support to them all for many years- most are adults these days.

They all DEEPLY love me, despite the fact that I am a 38 year old, obese, scruffy, non handsome, poorly dressed person that does not drive or have much money.

To make friends, at least with people that are worth being friends I suggest: caring about them, being supportive, listening to them, being interested in their lives, and being tolerant/ non-judgmental.

I am an ugly, 38 year old guy, but I have plenty of friends / family that DEEPLY love me. I don't have a partner that is correct, but I am so loved and valued by people in my life, that I am still a happy person. I am so lucky for all the love I have in my life.

[ADDithers]

Originally Posted by wisedude

Well being "nice" to people has got me a long way in life.

I have been "nice" to to 8 main young people (formally children and a couple of teenagers), and I have provided LOYAL support to them all for many years- most are adults these days.

They all DEEPLY love me, despite the fact that I am a 38 year old, obese, scruffy, non handsome, poorly dressed person that does not drive or have much money.

To make friends, at least with people that are worth being friends I suggest: caring about them, being supportive, listening to them, being interested in their lives, and being tolerant/ non-judgmental.

I am an ugly, 38 year old guy, but I have plenty of friends / family that DEEPLY love me. I don't have a partner that is correct, but I am so loved and valued by people in my life, that I am still a happy person. I am so lucky for all the love I have in my life.

Hey that's awesome. Just wanted to tell you.

[ADDithers]

I'm not gregarious by nature, I value my solitude too much, and that takes it's toll on friendships. But if I wanted to put forth the effort to turn that around, I would do it through their stomachs. Who doesn't like to eat? And if I wasn't interested in cooking (which I already am!), I'd GET interested, and invite people over, one right after the other to try out new recipes. I guarantee, if you did this, you'd have more friends than you'd know what to do with!

[Sadley]

I've been told over and over, "you're a nice guy". I've learned that I am too nice, and people don't want to be around that. But I can't not be nice, I just don't know how to be what people want. I have no friends at all. Never really had any. Feel so alone. I'm 24 years old but I feel like my life is already as good as over.

[ADDithers]

Originally Posted by Sadley

I've been told over and over, "you're a nice guy". I've learned that I am too nice, and people don't want to be around that. But I can't not be nice, I just don't know how to be what people want. I have no friends at all. Never really had any. Feel so alone. I'm 24 years old but I feel like my life is already as good as over.

If I might nose in on your life for a moment, you're too hung up on what people think of you. Why would you feel like life is over because of other people's opinion of you? You need some self assurance. You are what/who you are, you're going to be nice, and if people don't like it they can lump it, you don't need to be a chameleon to please them.

Regardless of anyone else's opinion of you, there is still life to live - discoveries to make, food to enjoy, the four seasons to marvel at, etc. you don't need anyone's approval to appreciate these things. At 24 - your life is just beginning.

[SadFatCat]

I definitely need to value myself more. my mantra is, "I hate myself" all day I say this. I just don't know how to love myself.

[SadFatCat]

ADDifers I am 54 and I can tell you a few things I have learned the hard way. It is important not to talk about your issues with people in general. It is better to share that here. Maybe you could find a new place to meet new people like volunteering or taking a class. Just remember to listen. That is basically what people want; they want to enjoy your company. Make sure you show your positive side to people. I have acquired bad habits and forget to leave my issues at home but, maybe you can be different. Yeah?

[Sadley]

Originally Posted by ADDithers

If I might nose in on your life for a moment, you're too hung up on what people think of you. Why would you feel like life is over because of other people's opinion of you? You need some self assurance. You are what/who you are, you're going to be nice, and if people don't like it they can lump it, you don't need to be a chameleon to please them.

Regardless of anyone else's opinion of you, there is still life to live - discoveries to make, food to enjoy, the four seasons to marvel at, etc. you don't need anyone's approval to appreciate these things. At 24 - your life is just beginning.

What people think of me matters a lot. I don't see it the way you do. I see it like this: if I can't be pleasing to others, then I have failed. It is embedded into my personality. I am a people pleaser and I can't help it. I naturally want to be agreeable to everyone and be friends with everyone. And since I do not have any friends or anyone at all, life is worthless to me. I'm not one of those people who are fine on their own. I need to be with people. I'm a follower, not a leader.

[ADDithers]

Originally Posted by Sadley

What people think of me matters a lot. I don't see it the way you do. I see it like this: if I can't be pleasing to others, then I have failed. It is embedded into my personality. I am a people pleaser and I can't help it. I naturally want to be agreeable to everyone and be friends with everyone. And since I do not have any friends or anyone at all, life is worthless to me. I'm not one of those people who are fine on their own. I need to be with people. I'm a follower, not a leader.

I'm not referring to acting in a strictly selfish mode impervious to others' opinions. I care about what others think about me too. What I mean is, there are limits, you can only go so far to please people. After that, you have to have your own self respect - and that's where self assurance comes in. There is a sense of liberation when you realize there's life outside of the pod - perhaps called the power of individuality!

[oldlife_disrupted]

I have/had the same problem but working on it. I started by forcing myself to speak to people you don't usually speak to. Also, took up social activities and use them as ways to gain experiences (that make you less boring) and meet people (making friends). It's a start.

Good luck!

[oldlife_disrupted]

@Sadley Have you ever read a book called "No More Mr. Nice Guy"? It's meant for people like you and I who're so concerned about appearing to be nice on the outside that we end up losing on life in general. It's put a lot of things in perspective for me.

[H3rmit]

Originally Posted by wisedude

To make friends, at least with people that are worth being friends I suggest: caring about them, being supportive, listening to them, being interested in their lives, and being tolerant/ non-judgmental.

You nailed it. That's the right way to be "nice" -- by truly connecting with sincerity.

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

I used to think something like that, ... turns out I didn't like me, ... I was too blinded by my self-hatred, that I couldn't see that people actually liked me. I still hate me, don't get me wrong, but a fair amount of people like me, ... that's gotta account for something, right? Don't give up on other people, but most importantly, don't give up on yourself. Stay safe!