[thePK]

i am a preachers kid whos a lesbian but cant come out yet...and im in love with this girl...and we love each other like no other..but like i cant let ANY one know..IM SCARED!! i dont know what to do...i have 11 ministers in my family and im trying to hide my relationship...but i love her soo much that i want to spend my life with her..please help me...im only 17 please just please help me...

[Rapunzel]

That really would be a tough situation. I am not sure how to help you, but I noticed that you hadn't gotten any replies yet, so I wanted to at least let you know that you were heard. What can you do when something you feel is a part of who you are is not understood or accepted by your family and/or community? That really would be scary. You're 17 and your whole life is ahead of you. Can you think of any options? What are the possibilities for you and what can you do do to maximize the possibility that things turn out okay for you?

Rap

Hi PK. Sorry, not sure what to advise. But why would you be a bad person? There is no right or wrong. You are still young and have a whole life, and opportunities ahead of you. For example going to university and/or getting a job then you can have your independence, maybe move away from home so as to build a life for yourself. But for now, isn't there anyone you could speak with?

[FaithisAlive]

Take your time and consider your options carefully.... slow down a little bit.... I hear panic in your voice and panic can drive you to be hasty in descicion -making.

Have you talked with this girl about this? is she willing to stand with you as you do come out? Perhaps that would be a good discussion to have if you haven't had it already.

Everything will be alright....

[chiz]

hello there PK

what a difficult situation you've got there. I am not professional at advising, but maybe you want to try my opinion. For me, I think you should find a way to reveal your true self. No one can ever live in pretension. I know it is very hard. But once you did it, everyone in your community will eventually accept who you are. You are afraid of your family's reaction. But you have to face them. They will surely accept you because they love you. Maybe you need to have a serious conversation with them. Explain yourself, make them understand how you feel. just be true to yourself.

[PasDeDeux]

You are NOT a bad person at all you are human. I would think at 17 it may be too early to come out and tell all. I would wait till you can move away from home. They may or may not judge you but then that is their sin isn't it?
Safe hugs

[thePK]

thanks..but im just scared...i have to hide everything you know...and like its more to it then she being the one i want for the rest of my life...its like she lives in another state and we are going to meet when we both have a break fro school..and i know i love her...i just cant let anyone know...im scared...i live mostly in fear that my parents are going to find out...

but THANKS to everyone for the help...

[bebop]

so you have never met her in person? you should give it alot more time then. people are not always what they seem to be.

[desirae]

I'm a ministers daughter as well!.....it's not easy, it's actually very difficult to live up to standards. I'm sorry your going through this. You know what, ministers preach how forgiveness and unconditional love is essential to life. You need to come out, and remind them of that. Remind them and tell them that God (if that's what you prefer your higher power too) loves you no matter what you are.

I do recommend till your 18 to tell them though, just in case they can not accept this. That way you can be on your own and safe.

I don't know your parents, but personally, my dad would rid of me. But I know what I am, what I want to be, and I've accepted the fact that I can move on with life whether he accepts the way I live or not.

I was un married, living with a man, and pregnant, and he didn't speak to me for years. So yes it happens, but never once did I allow his hypocrisy make me feel bad. I know love, and at that time, I was united with (my now husband), and marriage was unnecessary.

I wish you luck. Don't be ashamed of who you are. If you are a lesbian, then more power to you. You live life for you, not anybody else okay. I hope this all works out.

From ministers daughter to ministers daughter.....I know it can be tough.....pm me anytime hun.

[Jazmin]

Your 17, Your young and got your whole life in front of you.
Please, be cautious! Its a rebellious time for you. You may think your in love. But your young. Take it from someone who's been there. No, I wasn't in love with a woman at 17, But I did date the kind of man my parents warned me about. I did marry him at 17. I had children, I realized when it was to late, that at 17, that we really don't know what we want. We have these feelings and they seem to strong, but please, take your time, grow up slow. Please... for me?

[Milanist]

Youre not a bad person, youre a young person! I agree with Jazmin, you are young, and it does not mean you cant fall in love, but when you are younger you happen to mistake infatuation with love.
Take your time with this situation there is no need to rush things. Even your 'coming out', take some time reflect on what you really feel, it could be a faze, it could not but think it trough well!
I would advise you to take it step by step, having a minister as a parent is even harder but not impossible, after all he is firstly your father and will accept your decisions alhough youve got to accept the fact that its hard for them (even though its something normal nowerdays) to accept. so be patient with them!
Give it time and when you think your ready and have all your toughts staightend out trust in your parents and youll see everything will turn out ok!
They are not impossible as we may think, even though they want to be seen as tough!

[RainbowFaerie]

I was about your age when I began questioning with any seriousness. It was really hard for me. I cried a lot. I decided back in the eighites after some very brief exploring that I was maybe bi or something. I was so confused. I got married and divorced, had some other relationships with men , relationships that failed. I cried to God to help me, I was hurting. I prayed about it.

It was thirteen years later, when I was thirty-one, that I fell in love with my best friend and came out as gay. I did lose some of my so-called friends, and some of my family. But I feel better about myself, I don't have to pretend to be a certain way anymore. I have friends and family of choice who love me just the way I am, and a spiritual community I am checking into.

I think it's great that you feel you can talk about it on here. I was so stifled where I grew up, all GLBTQ were evil. There was NO ONE you could ask anything to. It was awful.

I have been with my partner now for six years. It hasn't been easy, but no long-term relationshp is, I don't think. We get harassed sometimes, usually in subtle ways, like leaflets on our truck, or jobs won't hire her once they see the flattop haircut, regardless of her qualifications. I have demonstrated for GLBTQ civil rights, and I write letters, make phone calls.

But I finally have peace in my heart. I wish you the same.

RainbowFaerie