[Sometimes psychotic]

So here is my problem I'm 38 and have never dated before due to medical issues which are now resolved. The guy in question knows I've never kissed anyone before and about my psych history and is totally OK with it. He tried to kiss me and I turned away, but he's really quite masterful physically and we got to 2nd and third base anyway. I really like him but I just don't feel like I know him well enough to kiss him. Unfortunately I think I need to be just a little bit in love to kiss someone whereas the rest was just fun. How do I deal with this. I told him I needed to see him more, like over dinner so I can just look at him and that I would like more control in touching him when we're together instead of it being the other way around. I feel these two things would help me feel empowered. Basically he said he needed to think about it but I can tell he's not into that. Any other ideas on how I can overcome my fear of kissing him? I hate the idea of losing him over stupidity.

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

So here is my problem I'm 38 and have never dated before due to medical issues which are now resolved. The guy in question knows I've never kissed anyone before and about my psych history and is totally OK with it. He tried to kiss me and I turned away, but he's really quite masterful physically and we got to 2nd and third base anyway. I really like him but I just don't feel like I know him well enough to kiss him. Unfortunately I think I need to be just a little bit in love to kiss someone whereas the rest was just fun. How do I deal with this. I told him I needed to see him more, like over dinner so I can just look at him and that I would like more control in touching him when we're together instead of it being the other way around. I feel these two things would help me feel empowered. Basically he said he needed to think about it but I can tell he's not into that. Any other ideas on how I can overcome my fear of kissing him? I hate the idea of losing him over stupidity.

Pardon my bluntness but I think the stupid person is him. If he rejects getting to know you and basically just wants to 'fool around' then I don't see much of a relationship with him. I suggest you find someone else who will value your interests and your feelings and kick this guy to the curb.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Ok thanks---it may just be my inexperience that is making me feel this way.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

So How do I deal with this. I told him I needed to see him more, like over dinner so I can just look at him

. Basically he said he needed to think about it but I can tell he's not into that. Any other ideas on how I can overcome my fear of kissing him? I hate the idea of losing him over stupidity.

He's not into going to dinner with you???

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

He's not into going to dinner with you???

He has a son and he prefers to eat dinner with him so we end up going for coffee etc but we like to walk so were not making eye contact which is leading to trouble.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

He has a son and he prefers to eat dinner with him so we end up going for coffee etc but we like to walk so were not making eye contact which is leading to trouble.

I feel, one can still walk together and make eye contact. I'm rather skilled, at that.

Can his son, be brought along for dinner? Is he, still hurt from the relationship with his son's mother?

I don't blame you, for holding out, on kissing. Each person, I feel, has things that need to hold meaning, and kissing, is that for you.

Of course, you need to know, more, in order for you, to bring yourself to that moment.

[Sometimes psychotic]

I'm honestly not sure if his son can be brought along its pretty early in the relationship for that....few weeks and he seems very protective of him. All the advice on meeting kids I've read says wait a few months or it's not fair to the kid.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

I'm honestly not sure if his son can be brought along its pretty early in the relationship for that....few weeks and he seems very protective of him. All the advice on meeting kids I've read says wait a few months or it's not fair to the kid.

True, about waiting on meeting kids. I wouldn't want to introduce, anyone to my kids, lest I felt confident, it was for the long haul. Don't want to dangle a metamorphic carrot, in front of my sons faces, so to speak.

I am honestly, baffled, as to why he's not trying harder, to have face to face communication with you. A few weeks, can mean a few dates, I'd presume, and I feel that wanting to get to know him better, is a fair and reasonable trade off, for the opportunity to kiss you.

If he cannot do dinner, because he has dinners with his son, what other options are there, and why is it up to you, to try and coax him, into how to 'date' a woman? If that makes sense?

[Sometimes psychotic]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

True, about waiting on meeting kids. I wouldn't want to introduce, anyone to my kids, lest I felt confident, it was for the long haul. Don't want to dangle a metamorphic carrot, in front of my sons faces, so to speak.

I am honestly, baffled, as to why he's not trying harder, to have face to face communication with you. A few weeks, can mean a few dates, I'd presume, and I feel that wanting to get to know him better, is a fair and reasonable trade off, for the opportunity to kiss you.

If he cannot do dinner, because he has dinners with his son, what other options are there, and why is it up to you, to try and coax him, into how to 'date' a woman? If that makes sense?

well we're supposed to go hiking tomorrow which I love but that's more not really looking at each other so I'm not sure whats going to happen I'm thinking its going to become this stupid built up thing if I can't do it by then. What am I saying its already this stupid built up thing.

Originally Posted by Sometimes psychotic

we got to 2nd and third base anyway. .

I had to go back to the original post because I'm still baffled. In my day (and god knows Im an old bird) one cannot get to 2nd or 3rd base without some kind of eye contact. I gather he is masterful, but how is that even accomplished?

The hiking sounds good as one does need to pause to breathe on occasion and I would take advantage of facing him during those times (perhaps whilst both sitting on a log, or on the ground) ... I know it seems awkward right now, but I think you'd feel more in control if you initiated the kiss....and remember, it doesn't have to be a full on, tongue lashing...just a brush of lips on lips and accompanying smile is usually enough to dispell the awkwardness...for both of you I wish you well and luck

[Sometimes psychotic]

I'm not saying we had zero eye contact just not enough for me to get used to he looked really intense when he was going to kiss me and I ended up pulling away. But to answer your question we were sitting side by side on the couch sort of slumped down and we started holding hands----good so far right---so he started basically running his hand up and down my arm so I would calm down and then making little circles on my wrist. His head was resting on my shoulder so he could still see the movie. Then very quickly he sort of tickled my stomach then he started working that area----next thing I know we're at third then second but without kissing first. It was that stupid arm massage thing it felt really good and I just wasn't thinking at all. I really enjoyed it but I also feel stupid now. So yeah I chalk it up to masterful and my general lack of experience.

[Sometimes psychotic]

Ok so latest update I'm dumping him. Girlfriends think he's cheating. He still hasn't set a time for tomorrow despite me texting and then calling him. I'm so done which him...there are better guys around. What a waste you were right kick him to the curb.