[atomicc]

As you may have noticed I'm down today in a big way. I am lonely and scared, I feel worthless and my heart aches. My mother has been drinking, as usual, I am a child of two alcoholics. She looked at me and asked if I was sad, I guess she could see it. I said "always" and my heart skipped a little thinking maybe she would comfort me..maybe I would feel love. Instead she looked at me and said
"Wouldn't it be really funny if I made you cry right now?"
She said she likes to be mean and I'm someone she can be mean to. Of course I cried. How could she say that to me? To her own child? She knows I am sensitive beyond belief, I just recently told her I am diagnosed with borderline personality disorder.
and yet she wants me to feel bad..
well congratulations mom.
I'm nothing.

I'm taking a xanax, cutting myself and going to bed. I hate this life.

[NWgirl2013]

You deserve better. You really do.

[atomicc]

I wish she didn't want to make me feel bad.. I feel so worthless.

[ptangptang]

So sorry for you situation. Is moving an option, maybe it would be better for both of you. You needn't move far just far enough. Well you've got a degree so your not. worthless. Message me if you want to chat. New friends always welcome.

[allme]

You are NOT worthless! You are a kind, gentle, loving soul who to have a mean nasty mother You deserve to be loved and held and all those things Just see her for what she is and understand it's not your fault. She doesn't do it because you deserve it, she does it because she can and she's a drunk. My nan was a drunk and mean to my mother when she was living with her so I understand what effect this can have.

Sending you love and hugs - exactly what you deserve

[Fuzzybear]

You deserve so much better . she's mean and cruel and that's about her, it's not your fault at all

[Grey Matter]

You're not worthless. You have been so kind, so willing to give, to so many of us here. You are not her. You are not cold and heartless. You are sensitive and feeling and that isn't a bad thing, despite what people may tell you.

You. Are. Not. Worthless. You have loved, you will love, you will continue through this life and you will be the better person because you're brave. And you love.

[atomicc]

Thank you all so much. I've calmed a bit since last night and while it still hurts I am starting to just accept that my mother will always be this way. One second I'm the love of her life and the next she thinks I'm a weak little girl she can pick on.

Originally Posted by Teen Idle

You're not worthless. You have been so kind, so willing to give, to so many of us here. You are not her. You are not cold and heartless. You are sensitive and feeling and that isn't a bad thing, despite what people may tell you.

You. Are. Not. Worthless. You have loved, you will love, you will continue through this life and you will be the better person because you're brave. And you love.

Thank you so much for this ...it honestly brought me to tears. I am a very openly emotional and caring person. I love to care for others and give all of myself to them. She believes this makes me weak. You are right though..there is a place in this world for people like me.

[Grey Matter]

No, no, being openly emotional and caring is never weak. It is always brave. Always.

Something my writing professor once told me; It takes a brave soul to write themselves out on paper and have the world to see them and all their flaws.

And in this instance, one of not writing but of being human, being emotionally open and willing to give is far more brave than being cold and abrasive. You open your heart to those in need and you give when you need someone to give to you to. And that takes a lot of guts.

There is a place in this world for people like you. There also needs to be more people like you. I, for one, wish I could be so open.

Know we're proud of you.