[hartbroken]

Several years ago I began dating a girl. She took to me right away, but I quickly had doubts, and tried to break up. I really was torn up that she was torn up. And I continued the relationship for several years. Knowing that I have bipolar and take lithium, and Abilify for schizoaffective, I know my feelings can get flattened out. So for a long time I noticed one of two things happening... either I didn't want to be around her as much, or maybe my feelings were getting confused and messed up because I have a mood disorder.

I love her deeply, but I wonder if it's a friendship love and not a relationship that could go somewhere type of love. She is madly in love with me, and I try to do my best, but again, I don't know if I'm in romantic love and just can't feel it or if I'm not in romantic love with her at all.

Can I fall in love with someone romantically who I love in a friendly way?

I know it will break both of our hearts, but maybe I ought to say goodbye. What do you think?

[Rose3]

Sounds like you are confused and caring, with uncertainties about what this relationship means to you. Would it be possible for you to take some time away from the relationship, in order for you to consider what this relationship really means to you, and what you value? In this way you could have some time and distance to consider what you would like to happen. Rather than just abruptly saying good-bye.

[hartbroken]

Originally Posted by Rose3

Sounds like you are confused and caring, with uncertainties about what this relationship means to you. Would it be possible for you to take some time away from the relationship, in order for you to consider what this relationship really means to you, and what you value? In this way you could have some time and distance to consider what you would like to happen. Rather than just abruptly saying good-bye.

I suppose I could take time off, but she would definitely wonder what is going on. I'm such a coward I'm afraid of setting my boundaries and hurting her by doing so. Boundaries are important though.

[gnat]

Personally I wouldn't suggest taking time off. I had a guy I was dating do that to me once. Then when I started dating someone else he had changed his mind. Although I was still in love with him, I wasn't going to break up with this new guy over someone who was hot and cold with me. He tried to get back together with me 4 times after that and I turned him down every time. I ended up marrying the guy I dated after him.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying to stay with her if it's not working out, but I wouldn't break it off or take space unless you feel more confident about it.

Another thing I hear is this is a long relationship with you. My husband and I have been together for 20 years now, and I will say we have fallen in and out of romantic love with each other. You get comfortable with a person, accustomed to having them around, and that excitement fizzles. You become roommates.

I have found when my husband and I hit this state (we have many times) we can usually bring that zing back with spending some time together, preferably doing something unusual together. I also recognize that the level of feeling I have for him fizzles with my mood. Not that I don't love him, I do, but I don't feel it like I used to.

If it's not working out, it's OK to walk away, but know if you walk away you may not be able to change your mind.

[Sloaner26]

I think that sitting down and explaining the conflicting feelings with her might help to provide you both some insight. She's in love with you, she will want to help you, and may even be able to provide relief or suggestions that could help you understand your feelings better. The bottom line is communication. If you feel you couldn't have this conversation with her, you may have your answer.