[danraylu]

Evocative title, complex issues...

Last year I was diagnosed with small bowel cancer... my wife was not very supportive of me and for good cause. I wasn't the best person to her and neither her to me, we were married for 9 years. I decided to leave and seek experimental and conventional treatment. It was the hardest decision of my lifetime to choose my life over my flimsy marriage where she actually told me several times (after my cancer diagnosis) " I hope you die" take that as harsh as you'd like but I believe it was more the $500,000.00 life insurance policy that she was wanting to cash in on. We always had a less than stellar marriage. My leaving did two things well really three, It devastated my children, My Parents and pushed my agnostic believes into full on Atheism. Now my cancer is in remission and my well Ex? not sure what to call her is not wanting to give me a divorce and kinda not acting upset with me... But my leaving brought her closer to "God" I suppose and I never wanted our marriage dissolved I just wanted to be happy and have my children around me all the time But I can't get back with someone that didn't even care about me as one human being to another? I am perplexed as she has been telling her family and friends that I left her like some kind of deadbeat, and I've just kept my mouth shut.

[gayleggg]

I am glad for you that your cancer is in remission.

Anytime a marriage breaks someone gets hurt, especially children. But I can understand how you couldn't stay with this woman. I wouldn't worry to much about what she is telling other, since you have no control over that. I hope that you have been able to mend fences with your children. Best wishes.

[jadzea]

You can mend the relationship with your children and parents without going back to your ex. Think about it, you have been given a chance to live the life you want and you should grab that opportunity and run with it. Your ex will not be supportive in the future when you have other things to worry about and will not help you when you need it. Take care of yourself. You are the one to worry about now.

[halbrooksprincez3]

One question that i have is this? Do you feel guilty for leaving her now, or when you did it?

If you feel guilty now for doing it, you are kinda making an excuse. Now, dont get me wrong, you may honestly feel bad, but i mean if you didnt feel bad when you first did it, what makes it so different now? Is it because she's better or is it because of your kids? I mean you still had your kids when you left didnt you?

Okay, now that my evil side is out

Other way to look at this is, if you do love her, and you still want to be with her, not only for the sake of your kids, then go for it. You just separated from your wife, you havent fully devorsed her so i dont see why there is no way to mend the broken.

[FrayedEnds]

Not being supportive when you recieved your cancer diagnosis is bad enough...but to be actively hurtful and cruel on top of it is a lot to try to try look past. I know you said she had "good cause" to be so harsh but I don't think that excuses it. Also, trying to paint you as a deadbeat to friends and family without admitting to her own emotional shortcomings is just selfish.