[Opfwilllive]

Hey all.
I am a freshman in college and I got accepted to a good school in my hometown.
Unfortunatly this meant my father scaring/pressuring me to live with him.

We never really got to live together when I was younger and he felt it was "unfair" so he wanted to spend the last of my childhood together.

The thing is that as soon as long as I could imagine I wanted to live independently. But I didn't mind living with him at least a year.
The pressure and stress of school combined with the overbearing presence of my father in my life has made me extremely miserable. Basically I just want to back my bags and leave.

We had a nasty fight the otherday. And every disagreement every lecture ever "I'm only doing this because I care" makes me want to throw my hands up and leave.

my dad is also scaring me into staying, saying things like "I'm pretty sure your not the type of person to abandon their family" and "we don't have long to live in this world".

It pisses me off so much because I hate the resrictions I get and its making my depression uorse and killing my social life.

He even says things like "you don't need a therapist we can always work things out as a family".

And I just don't know what to do.

I very much want to leave but everytime we talk he ALWAYS convinces me to do what he wants. guilt trips and blackmail included.

I want to spend these next four years you know, enjoying my life.

I have a plan to leave next year but I'm scared he'll convince me to stay a lil longer. And I really don't want that.

Thanks for reading I just wanted some advice for the future/ coping mechanisms.
Also I'm trying to get a therapist b/c I'm starting to hurt all over and I'm pretty sure its not from a cold

Originally Posted by Opfwilllive

Hey all.
I am a freshman in college and I got accepted to a good school in my hometown.
Unfortunatly this meant my father scaring/pressuring me to live with him.

We never really got to live together when I was younger and he felt it was "unfair" so he wanted to spend the last of my childhood together.

The thing is that as soon as long as I could imagine I wanted to live independently. But I didn't mind living with him at least a year.
The pressure and stress of school combined with the overbearing presence of my father in my life has made me extremely miserable. Basically I just want to back my bags and leave.

We had a nasty fight the otherday. And every disagreement every lecture ever "I'm only doing this because I care" makes me want to throw my hands up and leave.

my dad is also scaring me into staying, saying things like "I'm pretty sure your not the type of person to abandon their family" and "we don't have long to live in this world".

It pisses me off so much because I hate the resrictions I get and its making my depression uorse and killing my social life.

He even says things like "you don't need a therapist we can always work things out as a family".

And I just don't know what to do.

I very much want to leave but everytime we talk he ALWAYS convinces me to do what he wants. guilt trips and blackmail included.

I want to spend these next four years you know, enjoying my life.

I have a plan to leave next year but I'm scared he'll convince me to stay a lil longer. And I really don't want that.

Thanks for reading I just wanted some advice for the future/ coping mechanisms.
Also I'm trying to get a therapist b/c I'm starting to hurt all over and I'm pretty sure its not from a cold

he sounds like he's very manipulative and that by no means is being a "dad" That's just plain manipulative. Your goal is to get through school and get your life started, you're not there to accomodate the needs of your father for missing out on part of your life. That isn't your doing, I'm sure. He missed out and at besst even if it wasn't his fault, it sure as heck wasn't YOURS.

he wasn't there and all of a sudden in the college years he thinks he wants to spend your final "childhood" together? First off you're no longer in the "childhood years" that time is long past. All the bonding and fatherly time that should have happened, didn't and it's too late for that even if you're willing and happy to give him a chance, its just not going to make up for how he was not there.

You leaving is equated to abandoning? Ask him what about his MISSING FATHER for your early childhood? What about the years he went missing and wasn't there for you? Sorry but he needs to look in the mirror before casting judgement on you. No you would not be abandoning anyone, you're just moving on with your life and he's just a guy that is biologically your father but never played the part.

Do NOT let him manipulate you. That is all it is. He's expecting you to fill a spot in his life that he allowed to go empty all this time.

[Opfwilllive]

I would love to say that he was being a bad father, but my mom and him split so we only had patches of time in which we lived together so he did not totally abandon me.
I agree tho, he still treats me like a child setting curfews and ect, I told him if I dormed like people usually do there wouldn't be this conversation.

He lived with his parents till he was 24 so I guess he's always used to having them around, but then again he's a hypocrite b/c he got to dorm during college.

Thank you for your advise. I'm trying to be mature and get a job to move out, my mom and financial aid will help, its just that I'm so scared to talk to him about leaving, I'm pretty sure that hell blow up and get emotional and I'm not ready to do that yet.