[themonster7]

Almost 2 years ago, maybe more, I opened up to a friend about my depression. In those 2 years she's almost always been with me and I appreciate more than anything, but last the realization hit of how annoying I actually am. I sent her some long drawn out messages and she said to me "Talk to (your brother). I'm sorry but I literally can't right now, my cat is dying in my arms. I can't with all of this."

That's when it hit me that I had become one of them. I'm the person in her life who does nothing but complain about how dark and bitter their life is all the time, no matter what. She goes on living a normal life and having all these life experiences while I creep and crawl through everyday.

I've decided that the only reason she still does even talk to me is because she doesn't want to feel guilty when/if I kill myself. She sent me a long drawn out message about how she cares for me "very very much" so she feels the need to intervene unless I do something to help myself which is all good and nice but then she also wrote in "if anything happens to you at this point it will almost be like it's my fault for not intervening"

I've decided I need to stop talking to her, to let her off this crazy train. It's not possible to have a solid friendship with somebody if all they do is talk about themselves and their own despair. It used to be different but once I got depressed she never says anything to me unless I bring up suicidal thoughts or my reasons to be depressed.

Thoughts? It's kind of long I know, I apologize for that but any thoughts will be very helpful to me because I'll most likely change my mind at least 3 or 4 times about this just within this next day.

[Turtleboy]

hey mon, sorry to hear of this, it sounds like she is a great friend and in a bad place herself right now, maybe try to be there for her while she is going through it if possible.
i personally have been there and sometimes all we can do is try and do our best self care (from both perspectives)
for what its worth i dont think you are "one of them" you a great guy and imo she needs a little time to get through her issues right now is all

[Silent_Efforts]

hey themonster (((( hugs ))))
a question, why do u want to take such drastic steps in ur friendship?
maybe what you could do is, get help for yourself, try to actually help yourself alongside... she may see you taking her advice n trying to do better, n that may help her know what to talk n how to help u more too....

Also, what she said, about "if anything happened....." doesn't mean that is the only reason she cares about you and wants to help. That is just a part of friendship as well. Try not to linger on that statement n overthink it.

Question is, Right now, are you there for her? you could ask her n talk to her about her needs, esp considering she is almost/has just lost her pet... you could try being there fr her th way she has been fr u? instead of planning to stop communication i guess...

I suggest, call your t, or pick up his call next when he calls, make an apt. May be a start to being able to help yourself, and maybe also keep your friendship alive.

You are awesome, themonster
Try to see that in yourself as well, be kind n nicer to your self.

SE

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by themonster7

Almost 2 years ago, maybe more, I opened up to a friend about my depression. In those 2 years she's almost always been with me and I appreciate more than anything, but last the realization hit of how annoying I actually am. I sent her some long drawn out messages and she said to me "Talk to (your brother). I'm sorry but I literally can't right now, my cat is dying in my arms. I can't with all of this."

That's when it hit me that I had become one of them. I'm the person in her life who does nothing but complain about how dark and bitter their life is all the time, no matter what. She goes on living a normal life and having all these life experiences while I creep and crawl through everyday.

I've decided that the only reason she still does even talk to me is because she doesn't want to feel guilty when/if I kill myself. She sent me a long drawn out message about how she cares for me "very very much" so she feels the need to intervene unless I do something to help myself which is all good and nice but then she also wrote in "if anything happens to you at this point it will almost be like it's my fault for not intervening"

I've decided I need to stop talking to her, to let her off this crazy train. It's not possible to have a solid friendship with somebody if all they do is talk about themselves and their own despair. It used to be different but once I got depressed she never says anything to me unless I bring up suicidal thoughts or my reasons to be depressed.

Thoughts? It's kind of long I know, I apologize for that but any thoughts will be very helpful to me because I'll most likely change my mind at least 3 or 4 times about this just within this next day.

When your cat, is dying in your arms, really, it's a moment, that needs some focus on the reality of it. You could tell her, that you are trying to see the brighter side of things. I don't feel, she was telling you that she doesn't want to hear from you, but quite literally, it stands to reason, it was a hard moment for her, with her cat dying in her arms. Believe me, that's a trying emotional experience, plus, maybe she literally couldn't stop to talk/text.

Do that mind change, and keep plugging away, at this friendship, is my recommend.

[wife22]

Hey theme steer
Yes ,you have leaned on her all those times and used her for a shoulder,but try to see her side of a story through her eyes:she is in emotional distress now,you should not stop and turn your back on her at this crucial point for her and let her to go through her pain alone ( even if you want to shelter her from your emotions) .she needs you now ,it is your turn to be there for her,for your friendship.she would not keep on being there for you if she would not really care,keep that in mind.Be there for her and you'll prove to her and yourself that you can take control over your life
Good luck and best wishes

[BonnieG2010]

Very strange solution you are bringing up.
This solution is not a solution of your problems at all. It can, on the contrary, turn out to be an aggravation of them.

A true solution would be trying to step out of your depression. Little steps, baby steps, but doing something to be able to meet your lovely friend on some other grounds than your depression.
That would really be a reward to her, not cutting her off!

Why don't you believe her when she says that she cares very very much about you?
You think that she may mean it, but I would take the sentence quite literally and be very very happy about that.

When I was depressed I couldn't believe that other people would see some good in me. I felt like a wretch and i thought that it was all it showed.
I was wrong.
I always had friends and people loving me, in the while, but as i was not loving myself i simply could not believe they were really caring for me.
But I tell one thing: even when we are sick, what we really are shows out. The sickness shows out too, but also who we truly are. And that's what she loves about you, who you truly are, because she can see it.

Do you really want to reward a sincere friend, who's always been by your side, by cutting her off?