[convallaria]

For quite a long time i have known it was true, but I have only grown to acknowledge it recently because it's been hurting more, physically too. Everybody seems to be distant from me, even my family, and I worry about what I'm doing wrong. Right now I'm 18 (only just) and in college (of the kind in the uk). For the past year and a half, on every break I have had, and lunch too, I have sat in the library alone.

The extra lessons I take make it quite difficult to take on anything extra-curricular, but i play piano at home, and my travelling to and from college is 1 hour each way so there is so little time. I just don't know what to do, even in high school i wasn't popular but i had one friend then. Everybody seems to avoid me, I'm really worried about it. People i used to know always used to say how friendly I was, but that was a while ago. I feel so lonely. I wish that somebody would tell me what I do to make everyone stay away, I can see it in the way people look at me, then look to the person by them and whisper something, then the other person looks. i have heard people laugh at me at times and say things, it just makes me sad.

It all probably sounds stupid, but it's making me cry, I keep trying lately to find ways to be alone so I don't have to encounter anyone and hear them laugh or make remarks behind my back, even though I want least of all to be alone, everything is making me feel so heavy and tired, sometimes i go for days without sleep. Please can somebody help me understand, i try my best and it isn't enough but there's just nothing left in me, I'm so hollow, how will somebody come to even think about wanting to know me? Sometimes people talk to me a little in class but as soon as it's over they leave and i don't exist anymore, sorry i just don't know what i can do

[cdd805]

Things are tough and yes it is hard. I am not going to lie to you and make it seem things will be better with time. One thing first though, is you are allowing this to “eat” at you. Your sadness and loneliness will only worsen especially with the poor thoughts which will lead to depression. Please stop that. Yes it’s easier said than done but stop those thoughts.

Who cares about popularity? I know it’s easy to envy those who have lots of friends since they are running around laughing and smiling. It’s not about the number of friends you have but who are actually your friends. I rather have a few best friends than dozens of friends any day.

You need to stop thinking about your whole life of not having friends. No one is able to predict the future and most definitely worrying about the future isn’t going to help you. Planning for the future is good such as school, career, family, etc…but worrying about it without action is not helping you.

You can’t change your past either. What happened has happened. It’s so hard to forget it but you can’t change it. Learn from it and realize that you know what you want and that right now is finding some friends.

Are your days that busy that you can’t find a few hours a week to do something new? I’m not going to lie to you, but I used to work 30-40 hours a week, went to school full time, and still managed to find time for myself. Now it wasn’t a lot and it was most definitely hard but you have to manage your time well. There should be clubs and organizations at your school right? Any sports you like? Videogames? You play the piano, no bands or music clubs on campus?

I’m not trying to be rude or mean, but definitely who cares about people saying crap about you. If they are talking crap or laughing at you, why would they be worth your time? And I don’t believe every single person at your school, community, even city are all mean to you. Know that some people, especially at your age, are ignorant and just flat-out rude. You need to find the right friends and you can by joining clubs/groups with similar interest.

If you need someone to chat, just let me know. I’m willing to listen.

[Travelinglady]

Hi! Is there a counselor at your school you can talk to? You might get some insights into what, if anything, is turning people away. It might be getting into a vicious cycle, with your not thinking people like you, so you act in ways that lead to their not liking you, or some such.

[hamster-bamster]

Find people to play piano with! Go to concerts, play with somebody (four hands).

And please get checked out by a psychiatrist - you might have paranoia. It is hard to say whether what you report is true (people pointing you to their friends and then making remarks behind your back) or is symptomatic of paranoia. It is better to be checked out.