[shortandcute]

Last night, my daughter was being very disrespectful towards me and copping an attitude, so I put my foot down and told her not to talk to me that way. Well, she threw a fit, it turned into an argument--and she started going off, telling me I was delusional and that my counseling sessions weren't working or helping me, etc. My whole family does this; even though they try to ignore it on one hand, whenever I try to stand up for myself, this gets thrown in my face. They just use my mental illness against me. I don't know what to do anymore.

[yellowfrog268]

That sounds like a terrible thing to have happen to you.
What was the family dynamic like before you started mental health services?

[shortandcute]

Well, I was never taken very seriously by my siblings. I was pretty much bullied by most of them (not my 2 youngest sisters). And if I stood up for myself, things would get worse. I'd get laughed at, or yelled at for "over-reacting," "getting defensive." "arguementive," etc. Well, that kind of stuck. The attitude is still to not take me seriously because I'm the one who over-reacts, that I imagine things--"delusional" in a sense. So basically, if I stand up for myself, it's basically, "Oh, you're just imagining it." And that was before I was in therapy. I guess my daughter picked up that attitude from them. Now, that I'm in therapy, I guess my daughter thinks that I'm not supposed to ever get upset and that I should just let her run me over.

People can be so awfully mean & nasty!

Often our families are the worst!

I'm sorry you're having to deal with such hatefulness!

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

Last night, my daughter was being very disrespectful towards me and copping an attitude, so I put my foot down and told her not to talk to me that way. Well, she threw a fit, it turned into an argument--and she started going off, telling me I was delusional and that my counseling sessions weren't working or helping me, etc. My whole family does this; even though they try to ignore it on one hand, whenever I try to stand up for myself, this gets thrown in my face. They just use my mental illness against me. I don't know what to do anymore.

If her father is treating you like this, then she's mirroring.

It's not right, not fair, of them to treat you like this. Sounds, like they could all use a little lesson in compassion, an education in treating others, with a lot more respect.

Soooo, not cool, of her.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by shortandcute

Well, I was never taken very seriously by my siblings. I was pretty much bullied by most of them (not my 2 youngest sisters). And if I stood up for myself, things would get worse. I'd get laughed at, or yelled at for "over-reacting," "getting defensive." "arguementive," etc. Well, that kind of stuck. The attitude is still to not take me seriously because I'm the one who over-reacts, that I imagine things--"delusional" in a sense. So basically, if I stand up for myself, it's basically, "Oh, you're just imagining it." And that was before I was in therapy. I guess my daughter picked up that attitude from them. Now, that I'm in therapy, I guess my daughter thinks that I'm not supposed to ever get upset and that I should just let her run me over.

This talk about over reacting, brings me, back to my childhood. 'Over reacting' 'Over sensitive', quick to cry.

Hope, you can pin point, precisely, the tones, words, etc, that upset you, when they say them. So, that , you can stone faced, look them, in the eye, and say, when you say this, or do this, I cannot help, but sense that you are picking on me, or whatever it is, that it leaves you feeling in the moment. As, to point out, that perhaps, it's not your reactions, that the real problem, but their behaviors!!!

No, you don't have to let her walk all over you. At all. And sometimes, when people get blamed for being argumentative, it's some sort of projection, from the other person.

Last week, I had to go to the cable company, in person. (example). I was sent a cable box, and new modem, as part of a promotion, but was told, I could return, it, if I didn't want it. Well, I go to return the cable box, the woman behind the counter, says, well, if I return this, your bill is going to go up, $15/month. I said, 'What?!" (perhaps, the influx, in my voice), then she proceeded to tell me, 'well, I can see you are getting upset.' ....I raised an eye brow, not my tone of voice. I pointed out, I just wanted to be on the internet plan, that I'd had. Oh, no, that was just a 6 month promotion, how long have you been at your place, only since October? ((Try sept 09))...I took, the cable box, went outside, and called customer service, and got it all set, so that I could walk that blasted cable box, right back in, without worrying about my bill changing. So, was it really me, who was 'upset' because I asked what, to a raised bill? Or was it her projecting all her junk all over me??

[shortandcute]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

If her father is treating you like this, then she's mirroring.

It's not right, not fair, of them to treat you like this. Sounds, like they could all use a little lesson in compassion, an education in treating others, with a lot more respect.

Soooo, not cool, of her.

Well, her father died several years ago; but she never met him--he ran out two week after we found out I was pregnant. But my family treats me like that.

[healingme4me]

Sorry to hear that. How often, do you have to deal, with your own family? And how, much exposure, is there, for your daughter to observe this?

At some point, the remarks about 'therapy not working', and 'you must be imaging things', have got to come to an end. Your daughter, needs to realize, that speaking to her mother in a disparaging, disrespectful way, is completely unacceptable.

At some point, your therapy, what you experience, becomes none of their d@** business.

[shortandcute]

I made the mistake of moving right next door to my sister. She's always known how to push my buttons; my last couple of years of high school, she and her husband were my legal guardians. Basically, they were bullies and I suffered a great amount of neglect, emotional, verbal, and religious abuse at their hands. They always knew what would "work on me" and had me convinced that I was this horrible, awful person, and that I was so bad that God was even going to send them to hell for what I did! They kicked me out-or threatened to-every time I was on my period for being hormonal. They moved in a couple of men who they knew were dangerous (under the pretense of "saving" them from the hospital) and would leave me alone with them for days at a time-once for about two weeks-just to see what I would do. Then they would try to find a way to "discipline" me for "leading these men on" sexually (because, you know, I was such a *****). I mean, I could go on, but it would take too long. Well, for years, I told myself that maybe I was over-reacting, my I did imagine a lot of that, blah blah blah. But for years they have lied about what they did to me, and they still do even now--right to my face sometimes. They make up these stories about how mean and awful I was to them, that I was stealing, sneaking out, defying them, etc. When I have tried to talk to them about what went on, they just go on about how I was just not remembering it right and imagining it. they have told that to my daughter -- which I didn't figure out till recently. Of course, my daughter believes them.