[Buddy17]

i have been fallen in love since 2007 . i went to another state to complete my graduation. during that time (2010) , my boy friend met another girl and he was dated with her. after that he cheated me lot.. even after i accepted him with his kinda character. she not that much prettier that me.. may be she is thin but she had scars in her face,dull face.(no one prefer that girl)

i have a good prettier face,bubbly and medium length hair.My boy friend also looks good. Nowadays i am not believing him(only after he cheated me lot).
i think i am that much attracted him.. he needs more caring. even i am caring towards him everytime.what makes him to looks her more important than me?
somedays i went behind his back, and figured out all of this.
i feel like at time i am un-attracted to him. I've kind of let myself go over the past few months. everytime he makes me fool and going somewhere without my knowledge. may be he hiding because of me.. everyday i will ask him to prove that "where you are? with whom you are now? give your phone to your friend"" (such such things).. i know it will make him irritate deeply.. even though he will try to answer my question calmly at that time when i get upset..sometimes he will say that " Please give me some space, i too have some feeling, dont treat me as slave""

I constantly picture him with past girlfriends/friends and I feel like I'm about going to go in a jealous rage I don't understand. I go through his friend list on fb and I have made him block other women on fb before that I felt like they were a threat to me. He's never cheated on me, but I think I'm just really insecure and afraid of him leaving me for someone else because I never feel good enough. I know he is getting sick and tired of this behavior, but I can't bring myself to change.

He's been in abusive relationships with women before so I feel bad because I can be quite controlling at times, and sometimes I freak out and put my hands on him. I haven't done it in awhile.

Sometimes I feel like he would rather be with some else who was prettier and more happier. I don't want to push him away, I want to be able to trust him. I don't want to hurt him anymore. I need advice desperately
sometimes i i hate myself for torturing my loved one.. he is the one who made me feel more happy and he is the one who made me worry deeply.. i dont want to leave him.. i need him... i wannna trust him.. what i should do? because of this thought he is not showing his love on me. If i ask why you are showing care on me? he will say" baby you not allowing me to do it so".. "if you believes me really you will feel my love" he says.. what i should do? plz friends help me to get out of this thought.. can i marry him?

He saying that " just come and stay with me . we will live together then only you believes me"

[healingme4me]

Living together, won't cure his cheating heart. Neither will, marriage.

he's playing games with you and in no way should you feel bad for "hurting him" that's bs and all in your head, you're the one being hurt - repeatedly. Healing4me is right, living with him will never change him.

You can do better than this.

[hamster-bamster]

Originally Posted by Buddy17

after that he cheated me lot..

(only after he cheated me lot).


He has never cheated on me.

"

Buddy, pls clarify what you wanted to say.

[Buddy17]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Buddy, pls clarify what you wanted to say.

sorry he is cheated me a lot.. but he is saying that "he never cheated me" .. he used to say everytime that he dont want to act as perfect one.. He says"he born in good family so he will never cheat me"..

He is using mobile without my knowledge. i came to know that few days back.. even i asked him he saying same(i will never want to cheat you)..he makes me fool.. he saying that " you are psycho so only you are getting this kind of thoughts"... what i should do? i know he is really cheating me and talking with some other girls.. he is womaniser i think.. i dont know whether i am thinking like that ... please help me.. give me more suggestion.. my parents are getting ready for us marriage i dont want to live with this person.. i want a person who loving me more and more.. who cares me more than i expected.. really i am felling like despondency...

[healingme4me]

Well, who wants to marry a man or live with a man, that calls them 'psycho'? Not me!

[hamster-bamster]

Buddy, since you have asked for suggestions, I will give you two suggestions:

1) leave the guy and forget about him

2) work on improving your English. There are many non-native speakers on this board, who would, from time to time, make a mistake here or there; sometimes there are people writing from, say, Japan or... did we have somebody from Saudi or does my memory fail me?.. at any rate, and I will be blunt - your writing is worse than the writing of non-English speakers who live in non-English-speaking country, such as Japan which I mentioned above. And yet you say that you live in the United States and, as far as I have been able to make out, have lived in the United States since at least 2007. My dear, your priorities are not right. You are spending this time thinking of this guy instead of spending it improving your English. That is not right. You won't be able to get a good job unless you improve your English! It is that important. I have taught non-native speakers of English and if you want to know what type of errors you make again and again, PM and I will help you (within a few days), but more importantly, you need to get formal instruction AND read books or at least periodicals in English. I do not know if you have a strong accent, but even if you do, provided that one can understand you as you speak, you will be OK. Written language, however, is something that you need to master and polish. So many job postings ask for impeccable writing skills - this is very important and you need to start working on it! Forget about the guy - you are wasting your energy on him - and start working on your English.

[Buddy17]

hi Hamster,
I am from india..american english is quite difficult to understand in compare with british english.. sure i will work on to gain my english kowledge... i cant leave him now. because we got registered marriage last year so here problem comes.. what is hould do? can i divorse him? but our parents not known about our marriage.. they will kill me ... this the point where i choose my life further.. i cant move one step forward to think myself.. please help me...

[hamster-bamster]

Buddy, I am not clear on your legal status. You got married, officially, but withheld that info from your parents? Do you have to get a lawyer to get a divorce? usually, regardless of the country, a divorce is easy if no children and no money is involved. Since the title of your thread speaks of living together, I conclude that you are not living together, and therefore, most likely, you have separate finances. I cannot imagine that divorcing in your case would be too difficult or expensive - obviously, I do not know never having lived in India, but just out of basic common sense, two factors complicate divorces - money and children. So I would encourage you to find out how to start the divorce proceedings and get going - the earlier you file, the earlier you will get out of this relationship which quite clearly is not in your best interest.

[Buddy17]

Yes Hamster, But our legal marriage not informed to our parents.. our families decided our marriage by next May. How i should tell about our legal marriage? they will kick me out of home. they wont accept me as daughter anymore.. even i am leading my family with my own earnings. its very tough to get divorce now.
Yesterday My Lover(let me say L) fought with me without any reason. i do not have clear info about his affairs till now. he is saying that i am psycho..he added " i am totally trapped(struck) with one pshycho".. really it hurts me.. yesterday i didnt have my dinner and i cried over night.. i am loving him since 2005.. am i wasted my past 8 years????
i didnt expect this from him. i need him but i don't want him like this atitude.. he is cheating and lying anytime.. my memories killing me.. nowadays i have bad thought like suicide.... i dont want to die because my family is more important to me.. please help me..

[hamster-bamster]

Buddy, in your case the saying applies - a suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Do not commit suicide under any circumstances. You have grown up - you are supporting your family with your earnings, and that puts you in a position of power. It is just that you do not yourself realize that you have that power, and are afraid to wield it.

Let me backtrack a bit - why are you on this site? It is a mental health support site, so I suspect that you might have a mental illness, and what I and other people can do on here to support you, give you advice, guide you, etc., depends upon whether you have mental illness. Also, do you have a regular doctor you can talk to?

[Buddy17]

Originally Posted by hamster-bamster

Buddy, in your case the saying applies - a suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Do not commit suicide under any circumstances. You have grown up - you are supporting your family with your earnings, and that puts you in a position of power. It is just that you do not yourself realize that you have that power, and are afraid to wield it.

Let me backtrack a bit - why are you on this site? It is a mental health support site, so I suspect that you might have a mental illness, and what I and other people can do on here to support you, give you advice, guide you, etc., depends upon whether you have mental illness. Also, do you have a regular doctor you can talk to?

Hi Hamster,

I didn't affect mentally.. i dont think so..i am feeling like that.. sure i wont do it ...my family is more important to me as i mentioned before.. i need to get completely out of my love. so that i need you all supports.. due to my lover false activities i ended my relationship in the name of breakup..just i need to all valuable suggestion to get out of my love.. i am badly cheated by my legal husband(lover).. i dont wanna be fool anymore...

[hamster-bamster]

Buddy,

The feeling of loving him will subside over time, but not instantly. Unfortunately, not instantly. When you are not seeing him, it will become easier. When you see him, it reinforces your feelings for him. Expect things to get easier with time - while not quite "out of sight, out of mind", it will be better.

Unfortunately, none of us here are fluent in the family law of India (or, possibly, a specific state - in the US, the family law is state law, different in each state; I do not know if it is the same in India, or, if there is countrywide family law). You need to first separate physically and then work on the legalities of your divorce. Can you?

[Buddy17]

Mmm sure Hamster.. i will try to work as you your advise.. thanks for your support. i will update my daily activities... let you know all about my conclusion..

[Buddy17]

yesterday he ringed my parents and say that i am suspecting him everytime. my mother scolded me and she not even asked my concern. i am feeling hurt .. i am going to hurt myself... no one there for me to respect my feelings.. being a childhood, no people to understand my feelings.. no one understand me.. i need to one who makes me feel better..i need my parents will understand my feelings..

[Buddy17]

please give me more advice..

[healingme4me]

Let me get this straight, after reading all your other replies. He is trying to say, that if you live with him, you can see for yourself? Is he trying to soothe, your own insecurities, by trying to prove to you, that he's not cheating?

[Buddy17]

Originally Posted by healingme4me

Let me get this straight, after reading all your other replies. He is trying to say, that if you live with him, you can see for yourself? Is he trying to soothe, your own insecurities, by trying to prove to you, that he's not cheating?

Yes he is trying to soothe myself. he cheated me before. i am not saying that he is cheating now. i am so abusive now because he cheated me past 3 years. still i feel pain in my heart. he broken my heart completely. he is creating drama as he never cheated me before. so he says that " come and stay with me sure you can feel that i am not cheating you". staying with him is not possible now because i fear about my culture.
he says "he thought all my colleagues as my sisters. don't irritate me. if you have trust just come with me i will be prove that i will be good person. dont torture me anymore"
if he goes in extreme level he says " i will be like this attitude if you wish come with me otherwise just leave me to enjoy my life with my friends(boy friends)"

what i should do now? can i go to stay with him? can i trust him anymore? if i want him to get attract by me what i should do? give me suggestion to get his attention towards me.. moreover we got married legally.