Why does my fiancees mother making things more difficult for me and my fiancee?

I have two part time jobs and said. And my fiancée has online school for Medical billing. I have an interview on Monday for a better job and pay in a different town and county. But I put on 6300 miles on my car the last two months. And I'm not hiding anything. How is this going to work of not living together. It's too much stress for my fiancée. Also my fiancée has SSI. I have a job interview on Monday 24 hours a week plus benefits. And I keep my second job in the afternoon. Her mom isn't being practical with us. Oh I just keep driving til my car breaks down. We have no privacy at her moms because it is over crowded. We live 28 miles from each other. It's like her mom doesn't want us to save money and see each other every day. It is stupid to keep up with

Good Luck, on the job interview. 6300 miles, is a lot, living 28 minutes away, from one another. You are two grown adults. What does the priest and the teacher in your rcia program, have to say? That could lighten, the moral burden.

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my fiancee doesn't like being treated like a child. She CERTAINLY WON'T let us get split up because of her mother. She is DESPERATE to get out of the house and loves being with me NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. She has been actually HELPING to look for the right apartment she is so desperate. She WANTS OUT!! She has been looking to other resources to help back her up(i.e. Epilepsy Foundation, her now former nurse practitioner). She knows things aren't right, and really all she wanted was to not leave any unresolved issues at home. That was the reason she sought the help of a therapist to begin with. She was hoping it would help mend fences between her and her mother first. She wasn't TRYING to seek approval really. Just an easier way to talk to her mother.

She needs to move out with you first, then the work on her relationship with her mother is something to come back to. If you are to get married, YOU need to be #1 first in her life, period. Everything else is extra. On top of that by moving out and standing up for herself, she will be making the statement to her mother that she can't control her anymore and it will be something that can start their relationship in the right direction.

I am NOT trying to please her. I just don't want things to end on a bad note, or have a rift between us for the rest of our lives here on earth really.
I personally, have always dreamed of a nice beautiful Catholic wedding at the church I grew up in, I really DO WANT to move into an apartment with my fiancee ASAP, but the ONLY thing is, since I live with my parents and 2 older brothers, I can't exactly move out quietly. My 36 year-old older brother is somewhat of a blabbermouth, we'd have to get him to either go out with his girlfriend or go to her dad's apartment, unless he's working that day. I'd also have to tell my dad so he's not left in the dark.

They used to have a beige curtain but recently put in a clear one in the shower. But her mom seems like her mom wants to look at my fiancée while her mother is in the bathroom with her. My fiancée feels awkward in this situation. Can this lead into something profound? Like my has no sense privacy while my fiancee is in the shower. Also there is a in out board to see who's home or not.






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To answer your question, some mothers just don't want to let their children go, and they are distressed when someone comes along who wants to "steal" them away. Your future mother-in-law sounds like she is used to getting her way with her daughter, and she wants to be able to boss you, too. That way her daughter will also do what she says. That's my take on it anyway!

Is there anything we can without anybody getting hurt??

When are you getting married?

[quote=Bill3;3436780]When are you getting married?[/quote.

June but it depending on how booked the parish is. Rough estimate.

So the problem is to make it through the next 7-9 months.

What is interfering with you moving out of your house?

I think the person who would feel hurt would be your future mother-in-law. But although she might rant and rave and even cry, I honestly don't think she SHOULD be hurt by her daughter getting married and having her own life. I am glad you want to please everybody, but in this case, I don't think that's possible.

She sounds like she has little sense of boundaries, if at this point she is still wanting to watch her daughter in the shower! My mother used to follow me into the bathroom stall in public bathrooms after I was an adult, if you can imagine that! I finally had to tell her that that would NOT do.

I really think it would be a good idea for your fiancee and you to have a few premarital sessions--with a counselor of some kind. Some churches require the couples to meet with the pastor for a few sessions. My husband and I did. The pastor actually said I should tell my mother to "go to hell" after I told him how she was acting about my impending marriage!

We have been to going therapist about this situation. That we have been dealing with since August. It is getting out of hand but it is starting to. But it is getting very stressful for my fiancee. And it's taking a toll on our relationship.

What type of toll?

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Stressful toll

What does the therapist say?

It is her decision not her mother to live together. We're not minors. I'm tired of the negative vibe from her mother. She has issues.

After thirty plus years of conditioning to her mothers control, it could take a long time for your fiancé to overcome this.


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My fiancee's is tired of her mothers control. And she wants out. The shower curtain it is clear. She felt pressured psychologically. And is emotionally escape her mother. She needs to get out there and tired of her mother that she's putting her through.

What is preventing her and you from moving in together?

waiting list and haven't found a place yet.

So this is a really hard time because you have to deal with things while waiting to find a place and get married. What is going on right now that is really adding to the stress?

Her mother being controlling and manipulating us to get her way. Plus my fiancee feels like she is not welcome in her house any more. Also her mother worries too much. It feels like she don't negative vibes going on. And bribing me with gas cards to forget about living together.

i recently had same thing after 5 years wit my girlfriend, in the end her evil mother has poisoned everyone that matters against us cos of an age gap of 15 years, we have recently had to walk away from each other when we just wanted her blessing & to be happy together, its tearing me apart & the reason i so so depressed!

What does the therapist say about how to handle these things?