[jennalynne]

This might be a silly question but why can't men & women just compleatly & truely love the person they are with? Why does it always have to involve heartache & pain why can't we all just be true to our partner? and how come some people are completly capable of being true to one person and others can't help but to always hurt the ones they love? Is this even a question that can be answered? Will I ever get the one answer that I am looking for? Geez, I must sound so crazy to all of you reading this but I keep asking these questions to myself I just thought it might help my heart to hear things from someone other than myself.

[Audrey]

No, that's not a silly question. In fact i was just reading an article about that last night in my psychology today magizine. I think it is the fact that people have emotions, and we take out our frustrations on the ones we love the most. However, unlike your parents, we can pick our mates. Also, we are searching for something that we don't even know what it looks like. (true happiness) I have found that it helps to look at the good things in life and give people the benifet of the doubt. (which for me is hard to do and i'm still trying to figure that out completly) but when i do do it, it seems to work.

[rubyred]

Perhaps one answer to that question might be that we all come to the relationship with a lot of hidden agendas that were formed long before we ever met the person with whom we are trying to have a relationship.

Our family of origin, our environment during youth, our standards and values, exist before we meet our future mates. This is a lot for two people to handle. The romance advocates make it sound simple, but it's not simple.

Some people are wise and take the differences with humor and easily forgive the transgressions of their partners. Others use the transgressions of their partners as a way to feel hurt or to badger the other person.

It's really a matter of how we have been taught to handle what happens to us. As one wise person said, life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% how you deal with it.

Choices, it's all about choices.

[nojoy]

Your question isn't silly at all,, it is one that we may have all asked ourselves in one or another. I think that when we make ourselves vulnerable to someone, our "baggage" pops open, and old feelings and issues start to come back,,it is almost like we are looking for familiar territory because we are scared of getting hurt. We have to be aware when this is happening so we can get our perspective on the situation.
I think some people hurt the one's they love because maybe deep down they don't feel they are worthy of their love and subconsciously want to destroy it. I'm not sure, that is only my theory. Either that or they just think that they are "god's gift" and no matter what they do how could anyone stop loving them...of course being a woman I tend to lean towards the belief of the "god's gift" sydrome.