i look so silly

i had a pretty lame day.

I miss my dad so much.
It’s not fair.
Everything is making me think about him today.
I am in tears right now because it really sucks.
I wish I still had him.

Today Mrs. Crispin came into our history class and had us make posters to hang out side for her husband. He is coming home from Iraq tomorrow. I wish my dad was coming home. Then I was thinking about it and even if he were to be coming home I still wouldn’t get to see him anyway. He lives too far away. I hate it. Why did they have to get divorced? It is my step fathers entire fault. It is all Johns fault.

Then today in sociology we were talking about divorce. He was saying how kids from divorced families are messed up normally because they blame themselves and their home lives are usually more difficult.

I hate this. I just want my dad to hug me and tell me he loves me.

People who have both their parents don’t realize how lucky they are.
They have no clue what a blessing that is.
How much that changes things.
Let me ask you this, could you imagine not having both your parents?

It sucks.

Oh and I got called a s*** and a c*** today.
Goal points for me…
I’m so disgusting.

anyway i look silly because my eye liner and mascara are all down my checks.

and by checks i mean cheeks

((((((((COURT_KNEE)))))))))

I know how you feel. I hated that my parents divorced. It doesn't mean that all kids of divorced parents are messed up, but yes...some do end up with issues.

I'm so sorry that your dad isn't there to give you hugs and tell you it's going to be ok. I sure hope he gets to come home soon. Are you able to write to him and talk to him over the phone?

I wish I had wise words for you, but instead I can only offer you lots and lots of

BJ

>>>.. Gives this Hug ,, and >>.... hands box of tissuse >> turns around ,,, While Ya blow your Nose .

Court if I may ?????
Maybe give a little gladness to the one whose Father is coming Home ,,,, You know that feeling of seperation even moreso .

Then ,, while you dry your eyes some more ,,,, maybe Take a Breath ,,, and Know , you will be en - riched in a Great education in understanding better those of Divorced families ,,, Doesn' t make it easier >> I Know .

And just let those that say untruths on you >>.. Let them know >> " Well I will surely not use you as a reference when I going the fast track to the Top of the Ladder " >>.ok?

he sends emails at most once a week.
normally not even that.

i hate this

((Court Knee))

I'm sure your dad feels the same way about you. I can't imagine having to grow up without my dad. I'm sorry your relationship with your dad has to be this way.

(((((((((((((((((((( Court_knee ))))))))))))))))))))))

he comes home the middle/ end of september.
i see him the most of twice a year.

(((Court Knee))) - you are in my prayers. I hope when he gets back home he'll be able to see you more often.

Until then, you're going to have to be a "soldier" too and try to wait patiently for him to return. I would suggest water-proof eye liner while out in public - or you could save up all your crying for here.

Divorce sucks...my parents divorced when I was 5. But you can't go blaming someone else because the truth is your mother left your father. My mom did the same thing.

I'm sorry you're hurting.

my mom didnt leave my dad.
my mom had an affair.
my step dad messed around with a married woman.
he had no right!
he messed my family up

I think you need to address these feelings with your mother. Court, you are smart enough to know that "it takes two to tango." While your stepfather made a mistake, your mother did too.

And you are left to suffer the consequences of some adult selfish behavior. Hopefully, you have a therapist that you can work through this with and perhaps some family therapy with your mom might be a great idea as well.

i'm a dumb kid, and no i do not have a therapist.
i cant even tell you how many times i have told my mom i need one. She always says when i have a free minute i will find you one... its been a year.

whatever, i dont need one.

Therapy... I'll pass, never liked it much. I did do some shame reduction in rehab though, that was nice but it always resurfaces. Your not alone, theres always something out there worse off, done worse, been through worse and guess what.... doing better. I'm not that person, maybe, but I'm just saying, I wish you the best but your not alone, btw don't tell everybody around you what's up and they wont know as easily,

this too shall pass.

dont tell what people what?

hey, maybe you can research one therapist on your own. Ask your school guidance office, or go into a local family mental health center and inquire for some numbers ...

also, when you get things set up, you might get your family into some sessions with you to 'air out' your differences.

truth is, my mother left my dad and all her kids to go off with a married man they were both married.

they were both responsible for the fallout of their actions to both of their families.

anyway, realizations come when we are receptive, and the ground is fertile... you have been dealing with plenty enough.

you know, I had this though about you (fast forward) working with kids of divorce in the future.
it came out of the blue. it kinda suits you.

anyway, take care dear Court.

peace,
nightbird

friends at school bout your kin folk being messed up... it took me a long time to learn that everybody doesn't need to know everything... just wait till you have a safe outlet. only my closest friend/ friends know what's really going on in my life. I share a taste with others but that's merely a scratch on the surface. But kids are cruel, co-workers,, everybody once they know something is the truth they store it up till they can use it to their advantage.

I'm just saying... your not alone, but to keep the talk from spreading, use safe outlets on the gory details in your town.

What are you talking about?
No where in my post does it say i talk to people at my school about my issues.
No one in my school knows a thing about my personal life.
Where did you pull that from...

ok... sorry. But then why do you look silly? who thinks your silly?

I'll stop... I just figgered. but good luck at any rate, sorry to have put you on the defensive.

Court I know when you phone me I may sometimes sound like a brocken record >>. and even always trying to get a LOL >> outta ya ,,,,,

But ,, C*O*U*R*T .........

I try to make sure I shut up ,,, and Even if you just quiet listening to music ,, I just Sit with Ya .
Sorry I was in Try to Cheer ya UP Mood . >>>>Bigggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg>>....

it said i looked silly because my make up was all smeared from crying.

Court Knee: I don't care what you say, I've always found you much wiser then your years and a nice and caring person. Quit being so rough on yourself. I've also seen a picture of you and your a very pretty girl....not even remotely disgusting in anyway.

People call people names because they are insecure a holes.

You have to remember that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and that the best knowledge comes from suffering. If I didn't go through the %#@&#! I went through when I was your age I wouldn't be who I am today...and for the most part I respect the person I am today.

I didn't read everything here, so if I am off subject.....my bad.

But, I wanted to say that you deserve to think of yourself better.

(((((court knee)))))

sorry boss, my computer didn't even let me view that part of the message till mere moments ago. I wish you the best..... in all you do.

> could you imagine not having both your parents?

Mine divorced when I was 8. I did not see my father again (just once) until I was in high school.

cool. i'm the boss

yeah so pachyderm you probably get it, didnt it suck?

i have days where i dont even think about him but then as of late days where i cry because it sucks so much