[karing1963]

I've been with my boyfriend(I'll call him Joe) for 3.5 years (we are both 50). I met him shortly after my divorce following a 22 year marriage. He has been a bachelor for most of his life - only being married once for two short years and no children. He pursued me hard and wanted to get married quickly. I wanted to take it a little more slowly but fell hard for him and was ready to get married after about 1.5 years. By that time, he had decided it was best to wait until my youngest graduates from high school...five more years.

My question concerns his real intentions. I think I was so lonely after my divorce, and wanted to find someone so badly, that I've overlooked a few things that I shouldn't have. First. I make a lot of money about, three times what he makes, and have funded quite a few trips around the world for him. I also pay for meals out most times and just about every other expense we have. He's here at the house on the weekends and I pay for all the groceries and anything else he needs. We spend the days with his nose in the computer working. I kill time until he is ready to maybe go out and see and movie but we never go out with friends.

Second, sexually he's a terrible partner. Joe doesn't seem to know what foreplay is and never touches me, other than my breasts, and rarely if ever climaxes himself. Most of the time, he loses his erection when he's inside of me. If he doesn't, he will pull out and then masturbate until he ejaculates. I tell myself that he's inexperienced sexually. He's quite a book worm and didn't have sex until he was 22. But I also feel that if he loved me, he would want to really make love to me. Part of me, though, believes there just isn't a sexual attraction for him...

Third, I've always been attractive but somewhat overweight. I'm not obese, just a little frumpy for a middle aged women but do have extra large breasts. He's over 6 feet tall, is handsome, muscular and works hard to maintain his body image. I exercise because I have to but still struggle with my weight.

Fourth, my boyfriend has a really bad temper and has lost it verbally in front of my children before. He's only done that a few times and it's been a couple of years ago so they've kind of let it go, but I was embarrassed and see that side of him come out when he gets frustrated or angry with me.

Fifth and finally, my boy friend travels all the time. It's not uncommon for him to be gone all week, come home on Sat night and then leave again Mon am. He enjoys traveling and over the last year or so, he calls less and less and when we do talk, it's a short conversation.

He's not all bad though...he does buy me nice jewelry on my Bday and anniversary's. He can be very sweet when he wants to be and seems to care about my kids.

So I'm very confused. I have spoken to him a few times about the fact that he travels so much and that we don't see each other as much. And when he is around, he is either working or goes on long walks and talks on the phone. He says he's talking to his buddies but for 2+ hours at a time?

I begun to get suspicious that he is cheating on me. He lives an hour away and spends most time there (when he's not traveling) than he does here anymore. Ive caught him in little white lies about things and he claims that everything is fine and that I'm just insecure.

I need someone to help me see this situation straight...am I just being insecure and *****y? or is it time for me to move on because this guy is a free loader? I not getting any younger and really want to find a loving life partner. But I still really love him and want to make it work it if is meant to be....

[Crourt]

I think your'e not insecure. For now just do some observations. It is not good to judge him when you don't have enough proof. And if your suspicions is enough to be revealed, try to talk to him and tell him what he want to do with your relationship.

And about making love, try it again if you two have the chance. Then if he always do (withdrawing, lose her erection when he is inside of you), Talk to him again also and ask him why. Tackle about topics like didn't he want to have a child?

[Webgoji]

Hmmm ... there are a few things that seem a bit out of place. Thing is, you said he's pretty much a confirmed bachelor. By his age, many bachelors become set in their ways and get used to having their own space so much of this could be old habits from being on his own so much.

As far as the sex goes, I would equate that to two things:
1. Being on his own long enough, he's spent too much time masturbating. He has used too much pressure and now has trouble with the normal woman because you can't put as much pressure on him as his hand can.
2. Again, being on his own he's become a bit of a selfish lover. It's not that he doesn't know what it takes, but he doesn't understand how to tell what's working for you, what doesn't and how to handle it all from foreplay to after sex snuggles.

These issues can be worked through with patience. I would suggest that you make up a list of your needs in the relationship (wants, desires, whatever you want to call them). Then sit down outside of an argument and outside the bedroom and you both negotiate how you can both get your needs fulfilled with both of you compromising to get the most for each other. This way, you can voice your sexual frustrations and maybe get some by-in with him.

The traveling thing seems odd. Does he travel every week for work or something? I'm not an overly suspicious person, but this part almost sounds like something out of those classic Dr. Phil shows about the guys with two lives.

[IndieVisible]

Yea that don't sound too good. I wish I could give you inspiring or hopeful or good knows but look, you sound like a very smart lady. Ask him str8 up what's going on, say be honest all you want is the truth. People fall in love and fall out of love every day. Who knows whats going on with 6-pack Joe. You never know, he may even be gay. Not that there is any thing wrong with that but he should be honest with you no matter what's going on. It takes a real man to say, "look babe, I don't know what's going on but I'm not sure about my feelings for you any more. I don't want to hurt you. Perhaps we should slow down a bit?" some thing, any thing!

I don't think your being insecure at all. You just want to know the truth and you deserve the truth. Don't be a doormat no matter how much you think you love him.

[catsrhelm]

If you have a feeling that you can't put in words that he is cheating, then that is what is going on.

probably BOTH.....

[unaluna]

Agree with the others - he is leading two lives, and one of them is gay. End this asap.

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by hankster

... and one of them is gay.

Wait ... when did that come up!?

Edit:

Oh, here ...

You never know, he may even be gay.

[jadzea]

I don't know if I would suspect him of cheating but he surely is not being a partner. He is very comfortable with the current situation and does not think he needs to be considerate of you. He is being totally selfish and doing the things he likes and wants to do and doesn't care if he includes you or not. It will take a lot for him to change, if he ever does. I would think twice before I married him.