Doomed???

So, here is my situation: I can be very funny, caring and fun to hang out with, interesting to talk to, and am always straightforward and loyal. I can also be moody, unreasonable, overly emotional and downright out of my mind. Bipolar disorder can do that to you. This makes it so very, very hard for me to date. Guys don't want to deal with any of that - they want a perfectly-assembled woman who has her life together and who is totally placid. At least, the guys I've gone out with seem to have wanted that. All the bad relationships I've been in have conditioned me to keep my distance from guys, even when I'm dating them. Obviously, each guy is a different story, but you'd have to be a complete vegetable to NOT take something away from your past experiences... especially when so many of them have had the same outcome. It's a double-edged sword -- if I let them get to know me, they will leave. End of story. But if I don't let them get to know me, then the relationship goes nowhere, other than one-night stands or booty calls (after which the guy leaves anyway, probably thinking I'm just some fat slut who has no respect for herself, which only adds to my lack of appeal). It's really upsetting, because I want to fall in love with the right guy and spend my life with him. But at this point, I'm beginning to lose hope that it will ever happen. I'm 27, and I feel like I'm running out of time. Not just that -- I'm also very lonely. And yeah, I realize these are exactly the wrong reasons to date. But my bipolar disorder will always be there, no matter how long I take to "find myself" or figure things out. I know myself well enough to know that, as stable as I may become, there will always be situations in which I will lose it. They happen a lot less frequently now than they used to, but they can still flare up. Am I doomed to be alone for the rest of my life???? Oh, and I'm a fat girl too. Score.

Relationships that start out as friendships have a much better chance of being healthy AND surviving.

My bipolar doesn't bug my bf at all probably because he knew it was part of the package before we started dating.

There are quite a number of folks on the bp forum who are married or in longterm relationships, so I wouldn't say you're doomed because of a diagnosis.

If I had to guess, I would say you're seeking out the wrong type of guy.

That is entirely possible... generally they come to me, and I accept because I'm lonely and feel like a total loser anyway :-( You know, I feel like that's the best I can do, I guess

So then the issue you need to address is not being doomed, but low self-esteem.

You need to get to place where you believe you deserve better than what you've been accepting. You need to learn how to love yourself, in order to be open to accepting real and lasting love. You need to learn that you are no loser!

Do you have a therapist with whom to work with? I'm not exactly a fan, but in certain situations they can be really helpful.

I agree with Trippin2.0. I once dated someone who I was friends with first, and she had schizophrenia. I liked her for who she was, and was able to discern what was her true self and what was a mood swing. I hung on to the bitter end, and cared for her so much. It didn't work out because of mental illness, it just wasn't meant to be. I've dated some who were very accepting of my mental illness, just saw it as part of who I am. There was one situation who fled after the first mood swing, which was hard. But I really believe it is possible to find someone wit h the understanding and compassion to accept your bipolar! At least I'm really hoping so for myself as well.

Yes I have a therapist and she is awesome... we make a good team :-)

That's great news!

I have to be honest, I've never known any guys who were as accepting, but hopefully someone comes along and proves me wrong :-)

Not fat. Vuluptuous. And hey, I found my soulmate at 40. Hang in there!

The problem is most people don't know much about the illness itself or how to deal with someone who has it so they find it easier to just walk away. It takes a special person who understands and has a great deal of patients in order to have a lasting relationship.I agree with one poster that maybe it's better to make guy friends first and see how things go, at least that way they already know the real you.