Did I blow it?

Just before Christmas I made a thread about a girl I like.
It's this one here:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/relat...ng-me-out.html

Anyway I'd like to follow up on the progress of what is happening with this and get peoples thoughts.

So, we'd agreed to meet up sometime after the new year. New years eve came and she sent me a text saying happy new year. That made me real happy and I sent her one back wishing her well.

For the next two weeks I was pretty hopeful, excited and anxious. Then the first weekend of the new year came by and I sent her a text. It was a pretty straight forward "fancy meeting up" deal. She got back to me and said that it was a bad time. She was moving her stuff out of her ex's place and asked whether it would be OK if we did it the next week instead. I got the impression it was a bit of a "I'm washing my hair" line since we could have fit it in, but for the most part I could buy it. No point in rushing things like that.

The next week comes and I send her another text. I didn't ask to meet up, it was more of an exploratory thing just to see if she was still interested. She was rather curt in her response and didn't reply to my follow up text at all. I got a bad feeling about it and the next day sent her a rather wordy text that could be paraphrased as "so are we going to do this or what?" Not the best thing to say and my frustration was showing.

She got back to me saying "sorry, I like you but I've just got out of a relationship and I'm not looking for anything right now".

I reacted pretty badly to that - got really defensive and told her that I was only looking for a friend, which she seemed really shocked and embarrassed about. Perhaps even a little let down. Then I sent her another text that I'm quite ashamed of. It really showed my insecurity and I don't think put me in a good light at all.

She didn't respond to that one.

That was last night. Feeling calmer in the morning I sent her the following message:

"Listen, my last text was kind of dishonest. I was being defensive. I'm sorry. I do like you. Always felt the feeling was mutual. I'll leave you be now and not be in touch again, but I'd welcome a call if you do decide you would like to know me better. X"

So there it is. I feel like I've blown it. The only good thing to come from the exchange is that we've both admitted we like each other. What do you peeps think?

I think like there was no need pushing on her especially if you knew she just got out of a relationship, take it easy - this is all I can say. Yo gotta understand how she feels, doesn't matter how much she likes you - it just isn't the right time right now, doesn't meant she doesn't like you much enough - it's just that now this is really not what she needs!!! If I were you I would keep in touch but talk about "feelings" less. Make conversations easier for her!

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If you're not sure about what to say or how to answer or what her reactions means you can send me a private message and I will try to help you out, as I am a girl who is also just after a relationship, I might be able to help you

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I don't know... Sometimes I just feel so damaged

Love's a really complicated thing for me.

I've only ever been in love three times. Two of those ended up being really bad experiences. The first of those was truly terrible and changed me for life. I'm not going to type it out because I don't want to relive it, but it involved me being beaten and stabbed. It's left me very afraid of being in love because of the pain it can cause, while at the same time left me wanting it so badly. - you know, to keep the faith.

That's all been confounded by the more recent experience. Moving to a new house only to have my partner cheat on me and leave me isolated and alone. I'm lonely. And to find someone I really love seems unreal and frightening. I'm left feeling desperate. And because of that I blew it.

****, I'm crying. I've not cried in eight years.

It's ok to cry, I know how you feel, not everyone feels love this way, like something worth living, life changing, I've only loved once and it wasn't the best experience in my life either although I'm glad that I loved (still do), I am glad that I was the one who experienced love in all of her stages and very deeply, not every person is even capable to feel the way I felt. I also know what you mean when you say that it seems to be unreal to find someone we could love again and it sure is very frightening because we don't know what will happen, what if we will get hurt again or what if that person won't love us back or what if it will never happen again. One day I realized that I just can't think about it anymore, I knew I am torturing myself. Let it go and just live your life not living for love that didn't come along yet, live for something else. I can't promise you that there is someone waiting for you out there, I don't want to tell you nice things, I only want to say what I'm sure about.

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I don't know that you blew it. I agree with Lightinthesky. I think you came on too strong, at a time when she wasn't ready. This girl just moved out of her boyfriend's place. She needs some time. She needs a friend to listen to her cry. I suggest backing off for a while and giving her space. Let her contact you. I think your last email to her was just perfect. Sit back and see what happens.

Well she got back to me and told me not to stress out so much. She also said that she thinks she loves me too, but that she can't offer me anything more than friendship at the moment. I apologized and told her that spending time with her is all that I've wanted. She asked me to ask her out again sometime, so things have come full circle I guess. I'm glad I didn't muck things up, but asking her out again seems like a tall order. She keeps on asking me to, but when I do she doesn't want to meet. I'm thinking of putting the ball in her court and telling her to invite me out instead. Do you think that's a good idea, or should I just ask her again?

Don't understand why people are rushing saying the "love" word, come one guys and girls - take it seriously. I would suggest you to chat to her whenever you want but let her know that if she wants to do something you will always be more than happy to go out with her. She might not know what she needs rights now or if she needs it at all, if you are ok with that, be the one who waits for her, and for her mind to clear up.

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Wait a month and contact her again. Saying you wanted to see how she is doing, catch up, and get a coffee. Something low pressure and casual. x