[lizardlady]

my "stuff" thread was getting rather old. I thought in honor of the new year I'd start a new thread....

some of the old "stuff" is still going on, but I'm going to set that aside right now.

I'm frustrated with myself. A friend came to visit over the holidays. Her plans got changed, so our plans were changed, but she did come for a visit. I was not happy about the change, but rolled with it. I enjoyed having her here for the week. At the same time there were things I wanted to get done while I was off work. All she wanted to do was sit and read. I got frustrated with that. I finally just started doing the stuff around the house while she read. I was also struggling with having my daily routine disrupted.

She went home yesterday and I'm in a tailspin. I'm so danged lonely. Normally I love my solitude here on the farm. Now I'm feeling isolated and hating it. It's like I want something more in life but I have no idea what that is. Color me confused and frustrated.....


Folks, what I probably need is a good swift kick in the backside to stop feeling sorry for myself. I sure could use some hugs though.

[Maranara]

I understand the feeling of resenting someone while they're there, or wishing things would go differently and then feeling lonely once they're gone. That's a hard one but one I relate to. I hope you feel better soon.

[NWgirl2013]

((((((((LIZ))))))))

[lizardlady]

The loneliness is part of an overall feeling of wanting something different in life. Problem is I don't know what I want. Guess the first step is to figure out what I want. Then figure out how to move in that direction.

[Yoda]

[Travelinglady]

I think my son could relate to your story, liz. He is lonely right now, so he invited a childhood friend to come visit. The friend brought along his computer and spent most of the time playing solitary computer games!

Yet, sometimes just having someone else in the house can help us to feel less lonely.

Here's some hugs, dear one:

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by lizardlady

my "stuff" thread was getting rather old. I thought in honor of the new year I'd start a new thread....

some of the old "stuff" is still going on, but I'm going to set that aside right now.

I'm frustrated with myself. A friend came to visit over the holidays. Her plans got changed, so our plans were changed, but she did come for a visit. I was not happy about the change, but rolled with it. I enjoyed having her here for the week. At the same time there were things I wanted to get done while I was off work. All she wanted to do was sit and read. I got frustrated with that. I finally just started doing the stuff around the house while she read. I was also struggling with having my daily routine disrupted.

She went home yesterday and I'm in a tailspin. I'm so danged lonely. Normally I love my solitude here on the farm. Now I'm feeling isolated and hating it. It's like I want something more in life but I have no idea what that is. Color me confused and frustrated.....


Folks, what I probably need is a good swift kick in the backside to stop feeling sorry for myself. I sure could use some hugs though.

my opinion you dont need a kick in the backside....it is ok to recognize how you are feeling and sit with that feeling, in other words allow yourself time to feel whatever and how ever you are feeling in the present moment.

Ive had friends do this too. At first I felt lonely, disregarded, taken for granted...but then I asked my friend if she had a good time...I discovered for my friend sitting around reading was a welcome change to her normal routine of having to be busy and up to other peoples standards, helping others and much more..I discovered some people take the word vacation literally where they do something they would not otherwise do at home when on vacation.

now that I know this friend likes to read during her down time, I plan activities that include reading....

hey I need to go to the library would you like to come and look around while I do some things?

I found this really neat movie, its based on the book.....have you ever read that book, I wonder how the movie compares to the book?

I need to get some dishes done but I would also like to hear about the book you are reading. want to keep me company and we can talk about the book?

what to play "book" scrabble? its a game I made up where you use scrabble tiles and board but all the words have to be characters from a book or movie. (this never fails to generate conversation and fun)

when planning things to do when company is visiting over the holidays I always take into consideration what their plans, preferences are like this even if I have to be creative in order to bring their activities in line with mine, so that we all have a better vacation/visit....

[lizardlady]

as the title says these are going to be random thoughts I'm having. I'm not looking for a soultion from anyone. I'm "talking out loud" to see what thoughts I might have.

I still feel like there is something missing in my life, but I have no idea what it is. Maybe it's that I want a connection with someone in life? Since I live in the boonies my friends all live at least an hour from where I live. Combine that with long hours at work and exhaustion from medical conditions and I don't have the energy to go anywhere during the week. I used to have dinner with Mom or a friend on my way home after work. Both are dead now, so that's a no go.

All my concerns about work that I posted in my "stuff" thread are still going on. My immediate boss and her boss do not understand our program and what we do, but they want to tell us how to do it. I've given up going to my boss about the insane work load. Last time I did she told me to "work smart, not hard." It's got nothing to do with "working smart". It's got to do with insane expectations from management. I don't believe in the word "can't". I tell people it is a four letter word. Lately I find myself saying I can't take on anything more at work. It pains me to say it. hmmmm, maybe I need to reframe that to "I won't do that."

Animal stressors are still ongoing. Al and Callie are both still in the land of the living, but they continue to decline. Al popped a huge abcess on his back leg last weekend. Gawd only knows where that came from. Meanwhile his overall health continues to decline. Callie's tumor has gotten huge. Her appetite comes and goes. I know there is only going to be one outcome for both, they are very old and wearing out. Most times I dread what is coming, others, when they are doing poorly I wish it was over for them. Neither has told me it's time to let go though.

In the greater scheme, this is not a big deal, but one of the horses smashed the hell out of my right foot last week. He is a very big boy. He got spooked, jumped in the air and came down on my right foot. It has turned all sorts of glorious colors. I'm beginning to think he might have broken a small bone that'sw been broken before. I know from past experience that going to the doc will do no good. They will take x-rays, charge me a small fortune and tell me to support it and stay off it. I figure I'll save myself the money and aggravation by wrapping it and staying off it.