[fmorrow]

I'm 17 and I have GAD and a depressive disorder and recently it's gotten really bad.

It just feels like simply interacting with others is hard. Like I feel like I have to put all of this extra effort just to try to sound normal and involved and like *there*. I dont really feel completely comfortable with anyone, except for one good friend i dont get to see too often.The group of friends I used to easily to talk to and have just bigger conversations with includes a number of people who triggered me really badly so I don't talk to them anymore...idk, any pointers or tips with just communicating ? Or feeling more comfortable with someone? I mean, I'm trying, I've been trying for my three friends who really care. My therapist says I have high expectations and I can't expect to get it all from everyone. Idk.

[Travelinglady]

Hi and welcome to Psych Central! I agree with your therapist that you might be expecting too much. We can't expect everyone to like us and to want to be our best friends.

I am wondering if your depression is not making it more difficult to communicate with friends. You say it takes a lot of effort.

I know being a good friend means being interested in the other person, finding things in common to talk about, and being complimentary of the person. If you can think of a specific situation where you might be interacting with somebody, then I might be able to be more specific myself.

I know this book is an old one and might sound a bit gimmicky, but Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is a classic.

[fmorrow]

Originally Posted by Travelinglady

Hi and welcome to Psych Central! I agree with your therapist that you might be expecting too much. We can't expect everyone to like us and to want to be our best friends.

I am wondering if your depression is not making it more difficult to communicate with friends. You say it takes a lot of effort.

I know being a good friend means being interested in the other person, finding things in common to talk about, and being complimentary of the person. If you can think of a specific situation where you might be interacting with somebody, then I might be able to be more specific myself.

I know this book is an old one and might sound a bit gimmicky, but Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" is a classic.

Okay, i'll check out the book, thanks!

i often cycle between depression and anxiety and my moods will be drastically different depending on that, i guess. idk, it also feels like i've lost interest in people in general, too? but obviously not that much since i joined the psychcentral forums, haha. I can say that there was a pretty long period during my depression where i was disgusted and enraged and upset over people, because of what my ex-friends did to me. Right now, like when im feeling mostly depressed, it's like im removed from others and i have to try to pull out of it and reach them a little. when im anxious around others, i mostly keep to myself and just try not to worsen it.

And when i talked about the expectations thing with my therapist, she said that something along the lines of me designating people in my life in different places in accordance to what they can give me, and then level that with what i can expect. She kept emphasizing that i can only take what someone can give me and that i can't expect much more from them. And at the time, i just really wanted people to just validate my feelings and acknowledge that they are important because i'm supposed to be important. and well, everyone has a different way of showing how they care and i guess i was just expecting that the people who care should be like, my friend and just, you know, talk to me and assure me that i am cared about because there were several instances where i just felt like i didn't matter and that led to suicidal thoughts.
So i guess I should just start smaller in what i want in a person and see if they have more in them then designate where they can be in my life?
Maybe just a laugh and a good conversation is a start.

[hvert]

Starting small sounds like a great idea. I also find that it can take a lot of energy to manage friendships. In addition to figuring out what we want other people to give us, we also have to make sure that we are giving them what they need.

I'm at a point where I'd rather have activity partners than friends-- it's less emotional energy to think of it as meeting up with person X for a walk and person Y to see a movie. I like your idea of finding people to share a laugh and good conversation.