[hotchicken]

How do I deal with this? I have no support from anyone and no one to talk to about this.

I want to take her ipod, computer, etc away as a punishment for punching me but can't because I will be punched again! I don't want to lose my teeth! I had a bloody lip last week.

She is on ipod all hours day and night, 3 am, etc. if I tell her she can't see her friends, she will say fine, I will just walk out of house and leave.

I threatened to call cops and press charges if she punches me again, and she says if I do she will tell them that I hit her. problem is I used to hit her when she was younger (which I know is why she is doing this). She will claim child abuse and in reality, she is a victim of child abuse.

we live with my parents right now and they are no help. if I take computer away, as soon as I leave to go to work they will give it right back to her. if I try to enforce a rule, she will scream really loud and parents will come running and tell me I am kicked out of the house!

my parents send me to my room (yes, I am 45) in front of kids, they also belittle me, and give me evil looks. they slam doors so YOU know they are there to try to enforce a scare. I have to watch every little noise I make, if something drops by accident I get yelled at.
I wish my parents would just die so I can finally live my life. I feel like I have been in prison my whole life and I can't get out! I am very depressed and just want to die. I have no friends left and no relatives except the a holes that I live with.

I am too depressed to even get ahead in life. at work, I keep starting to cry and have to hide it so no one sees.
how do I get control over teen????

you have NO choice. you MUST call the cops.

if she lies - then she lies. But she MUST be held accountable for her actions or it will only get worse.

Call NOW.

[SilverNeurotic]

I agree, you need to follow through on your threats. You also need to get out of your parents house, it is not a healthy environment for you or your kids. It's no wonder you have no control over your daughter's behavior.

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[propliopithecus]

If your daughter has such a much better relationship with your parents, you can maybe hand over all responsibility for your daughter’s upbringing to your parents.
You stop meddling in your daughter’s affairs and do something nice instead.

[Lauliza]

You need to choose one of two things: call the police or talk to your parents about their becoming her guardians for a while. If they will do this, you find a small place or perhaps check into a treatment center. You need to help yourself before you can care for your child. If something isn't done, I fear your situation will only get worse. You hit her in the past, but that is over now. If you do not currently hit your daughter, then she can say whatever she wants to authorities but it wont be relevant. Your daughter is the abuser now, not you. I hope you get the help you need.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by hotchicken

How do I deal with this? I have no support from anyone

we live with my parents right now and they are no help. if I take computer away, as soon as I leave to go to work they will give it right back to her. if I try to enforce a rule, she will scream really loud and parents will come running and tell me I am kicked out of the house!

my parents send me to my room (yes, I am 45) in front of kids, they also belittle me, and give me evil looks. they slam doors so YOU know they are there to try to enforce a scare. I have to watch every little noise I make, if something drops by accident I get yelled at.

how do I get control over teen????

Move out, with your children, would be the better solution of all. When your authority is disrespected by another in your home, then there is little chance that your children will come to respect you.

Wishful thinking, hasn't cured much yet. A savings plan, will...

[hotchicken]

she almost punched me again today and told me that she was going to kill me because I would not let her leave the house. I told her that I will call the police if she leaves. She went and got a suitcase also. Then she was screaming at the top of her lungs and slamming doors. (the grandparents were both gone when this was going on)

I would have been told I was kicked out of house if they had been there, even though she is the one screaming! she threw something at me and I put my hand on the phone to call the police. I have just been staying away from her all day.

Why didn't I have an abortion?

[Hellion]

It sounds like perhaps you and your daughter would be better off not living together. I would look into as other posters suggested perhaps giving your parents guardianship over her...or I am sure there are other options. I really hate to say that because I like to think things can always be worked out but it seems like for your wellbeing and mental health you need to get away from her at least for a while.

She needs some kind of therapy or is simply going to have to face the consequences of her actions...its seems like she thinks she can just do whatever she wants with no regards to others and she is likely to get in trouble with the law even if its not from you calling them if she hits you. But that is just my opinion...I am certainly not an expert.

[healingme4me]

You are under a lot of stress. More so, than just your homelife. Constant yelling and tantrums is enough to drive us to wonder how it is, that we got here, and why it is that we are here. It's a bad day, in your home.

You do, need to do something, about her violent outbursts. To threaten to call the cops, it is something you'd need to carry out. Something holds you back, from police involvement, that's up to you, to answer to yourself.

Tell me more, if you'd care to share, what happened between yourself and her father. Is he still in the picture?

Originally Posted by hotchicken

she almost punched me again today and told me that she was going to kill me because I would not let her leave the house. I told her that I will call the police if she leaves. She went and got a suitcase also. Then she was screaming at the top of her lungs and slamming doors. (the grandparents were both gone when this was going on)

I would have been told I was kicked out of house if they had been there, even though she is the one screaming! she threw something at me and I put my hand on the phone to call the police. I have just been staying away from her all day.

Why didn't I have an abortion?

It sounds like you need out of that house asap. How old is this teen? If she is on the younger side nip this in the butt right now! If she is older perhaps its time to kick her out, let her grow up and realise all you do for her. Its not healthy for you to stay in this situation. Goodluck with whatever you do.

[punkybrewster6k]

Oh boy have I been here. In my experience......she is 17. Call the police. sounds harsh but next year she is a legal adult. If she behaves this way at 18 she will go to jail.

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[Auntie2014]

My first thought is "Turn off the phone service to her phone. I realize that might not be an option. I do feel that your past history is damaging because both Daughter and parents are using it against you. Do you have a way to record some of her ranting and parents threats so you have proof to give to police if you do call them? It sounds like a womans or family shelter situation might be better than current living conditions.

[KathyM]

Originally Posted by hotchicken

Why didn't I have an abortion?

I don't mean to harp on this, but your comment could have a big role in why your daughter does not "obey" you. It's hitting below the belt, as if to say you wish she never existed....or would rather see her dead.

Your other obstacle, which is major, are your parents. If they can't respect your authority as a parent, why should your daughter?

I was a single parent, but I had my own place and paid my own bills. My son knows I would run myself ragged and/or die for him. My parents were ailing, but they lived nearby. My parents were very respectful and approving of my parenting skills, and I allowed my father to "spoil" my son when they were together. When I'd tell my son he couldn't have a cookie, I'd catch my dad sneaking him a cookie. I'd just shake my head and laugh because I knew they didn't have much time together.

When my father's cancer began to spread, I made the choice to move back with them so that I could care for them directly. I loved my father dearly, and he felt the same.

It was a nightmare. Within a few days, it seemed the tables were turned. I began arguing with my father when it came to my son. I would demand to have my authority back, and he'd resort to treating me as if I were a little girl.

After a few months, I told my father I didn't want to spend his final days arguing with him - because I loved him too much. My parents understood the need for separation, and they agreed.

I'm thankful I did that because my parents died two years later, within eight days of each other. I bought the house after they passed - my half, according to the wishes of my father. I'm often haunted by memories, excruciating memories, but I'm also reminded of all the love that lived and continues to live in this house.

Is there any way you can get a place of your own? Do you love your daughter? If so, can you dig deep into your heart and find a way to make her feel that love?

[nycgal448]

I hate my mom too, bc she is very abusive and
tells my 5 yr old how bad a person I am.
I agree, if ur child is physically abusing you,
call the cops, maybe a nite in jail would
do her good. I would also try and get family
counciling or private for u and her. Anyway,
those are my thoughts. Gl

[hamster-bamster]

Hotchicken,

I just read this. So basically - in real rather than legal terms - you are not the main guardian. You don't take the teen to a dr because you fear your parents' wrath. That means that you are not the decision-maker, and your teen knows it full well, and thus provokes you.

This is your reality.

Bring the legal arrangement in line with this reality by appointing one or both parents as legal guardians, as many people above have recommended. You are living in a warped world being a 45 year old woman who gets sent to her room by her parents and yet is expected to act in full legal capacity of a parent. Simplify the situation and make it consistent - they want to call the shots, so let them do it, but they have to assume full legal responsibility. Your teen has one more year until majority and she can act out and get you in legal trouble because you will be responsible for a minor. Do you need more stress? I think you have too much stress already. Dislodge this.

I would contact legal aid asqq

[hamster-bamster]

So call legal aid and ask if they can do appointment of guardians. Maybe you don't even need them, but a notarized statement will do - they will tell you. Then talk to the parents. And as has already been suggested, go to a women's shelter to get away and cool off. Your teen is exploiting the imbalance of power between you and your parents. As soon as you are out, she won't have that drama-rich soil to grow her tantrums on, and will calm down.

[nummy]

Have you been to counseling, with or without your daughter? Sounds like a professional mediator would come in handy here.
Good luck to you all.