[mylife]

Okay, I've done something really crazy, and potentially stupid. I met someone online. We emailed during the week and talked on the phone a few times, and met at a toy store last night. We both have kids celebrating their second birthday this month so we were going to buy presents for our kids. I can't say that I am really attracted to him, just the friendship mostly. That seemed to be his purpose, so he said, to find someone to become friends with. Anyways, checking out at the toy store he REFUSED to let our purchases be rung up separately--he put EVERYTHING on his credit card (about $50-55 w/tax for my stuff). We got our things to the cars and he wanted to go out to eat and insisted we go in his van. I really didn't want to and was very reluctant, but like a stupid fool I eventually went along with it to keep him from saying it one more time. We only drove a couple blocks away, ate and finally got back to the store by my car. I tried to pay him back while at the restaurant but he again refused. He paid for the toys and dinner. He showed me pics of his kids, and they are obviously his just by looking at him--very strong resemblence. He had two car seats in the car. But something else that I thought was very weird was that his daughter is the same month as my daughter, his son turning two years is the same as my son, AND his birthday is the same month as mine, only six days apart. The only thing there is he was born in China. ;-) I really don't know now after all that if I should trust this guy. He works a good job with excellent pay, so I know that he can afford all the money he spent last night. When I left my mind was feeling so crazy. I still don't know what to do. How can I give my son a gift that a stranger paid for?! I don't have a copy of the receipt either. I don't know what to do about all this. If my psych had voice mail I would have left him a great message last night. He is working tonight, but I am too afraid to call. I want to. I want to talk to someone about this. I sent him a fax about a week ago and now with this, it seems embarrassing or something. I don't know. It's more of a personal problem really, I think, but it could cause some stress. If I get worked up enough it could possibly affect my eating habits and I'll lose weight or something. I wish I had an answer. My next psy appointment isn't until June 25th, three days before my child's birthday. I can't wait that long for an answer. He works again Thursday night, so maybe after thinking a little longer I can ask him then? Can any of you help, please? What can I do about all of this?

[mj14]

mylife, I understand your stress, and it may not have been a great idea to meet up with this guy, but there is another way to look at it. You met him, and nothing bad happened. His paying for everything could be seen as just a nice gesture...it does not need to taint your sons present.

Maybe you could tell him that things are going a little too fast for you, and that you'd like to keep it just to online and phone for awhile. Seeing how he reacts to something like that might tell you a lot about what kind of man he is.

I'm not sure what else to tell you, other than I can sure relate to how you are feeling. I tend to get close to people really fast, and sometimes I am left worrying about what kind of people they really are. But so far, nothing bad has happened, so there is no need to be upset about the past...just do what you need to to make yourself feel safe and comfortable from here on out.

Take care,
Jo

[bptoo]

mylife,

mj gives excellent advice here (as usual ). This may have just been an act of kindness and nothing more. He obviously enjoyed your company and you should feel good about that. But if things are moving too fast for you, and they sound like they are, then tell him that. If he is a genuinely kind person, he'll be more than willing to give you all the space you need to feel comfortable. From what you've said here I can understand you being leery. Talking this over with your psych would be a great idea, remember that's what you pay them for.

Please wish your son a Happy Birthday for me. It's three days after mine....really.

bp

"Life is 10% what you make it, and 90% how you take it."

[splash]

hi mylife,

I don't think I could say anything much different, or better, than mj or bp, but I did want to say to be careful. I guess it was the insistance that he pay for the gift and the insistance that you ride with him to the restaurant that has me concerned. Although, I have known some men who insisted on paying for everything, it concerns me when they're not bendable. Know what I mean? I could be blowing it out of proportion, but I think being careful is appropriate. Like you said, he's a stranger...

Take care,

Joan (aka splash)

[Zenobia]

I am with Splash. The guy paying for your stuff is SUPPOSED to be a nice gesture. But he insisted and insisted and would not take no for an answer. This is a BIG warning signal. But I will take it a step farther, now he thinks he has you in his debt which could have been his plan all along that is how some prediters operate. I personally would cut it off. You did not express that you liked him all that much so he didn't seem to have impressed you and to have him NOT respect your wishes the other night is an indication that he is not going to respect your wishes in other things as well.

I could be wrong, but when I read your post the hairs went up on the back of my neck. Remember you DO NOT owe him anything and don't let him make you think you do. Also don't feel like you did anything wrong. I got the vibe that you may think that you were wrong for meeting this guy and people would judge you for it. Don't worry about that, people meet people on line all the time it is not much different from meeting a person in a bar. You did good meeting him in a safe public place but he talked you into doing something you were not comfortable with (getting in his car). Ask yourself why did you do it even though it made you uncomfortable. This is a great opportunity for gaining insight in your own behavior.
Take care and be careful,
Zen
PS Call your T! Don't let feeling imbarrassed get in the way of the help your therapist is there to give.<font color=purple>

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It is simple...we are where we should be, doing what we should be doing. Otherwise we would be somewhere else, doing something else.--Richard Stine