[janesmith14]

My father in law's birthday was last week and my husband's family always gets together for cake and ice cream and to take pictures. This year, my husband's mother was not there because she passed away 9 months ago, and his sister wasn't there due to sickness so I took most of the pictures. I took pics of my husband and his father, and my FIL with his grandchildren and son in law. I figured at some point my husband would have someone take a pic of me, him and my father in law or me and my husband like we've done at everyone's birthday in the past. I admit, my feelings were hurt when the night ended and I wasn't in any pictures. I didn't want to say anything to my husband because I know he and his father were focused on my mother in law not being there. Should I have been hurt by me not being in any of the pictures this year? I guess what bothers me too is that last week, was mine and my husband's 3 year anniversary of our first date. My FIL went with us because we went to celebrate right after church and he rides to church with us. My husband got a picture of me and him and then asked me to take a picture of him and my FIL. I thought about that when I didn't get into any picture at birthday party.

[gayleggg]

That's happened to me quite a few times, because I'm the camera buff. Nobody ever thinks of taking my picture, which is okay with me. i never like pictures of me anyway and want to throw them away.

I can see why you might feel slighted but I think you figured it out. The attention was on the missing person. I don't think it was personal.

[healingme4me]

I tend to be the one, behind the camera, myself. Sometimes, it's a matter, of needing to assert yourself, and ask for someone to take a photo of what you want, taken.

It probably wasn't anything personal. Those who don't feel comfortable taking photos, tend to not offer up any. And no one, knows what you want or need, more than yourself.

[Rose76]

It's no good asking whether or not you should be hurt. "Should" has nothing to do with feelings. You should have handed the camera to someone appropriate and said, "Hey, get a picture of FIL, my husband and me." Then you grab hubby and pull him and you to standing behind FIL, and you give a big cheerful smile. Use that approach in the future.

Maybe husband is being a bit negligent about documenting in film your presence at the parties. Speak up next time and get the result you want. You might set a precedent that changes the "party" dynamics. Soft spoken, self-effacing, deferential people do tend to get ignored at parties. That's why party people are called party animals.

[janesmith14]

Thanks for everyone's responses! I mentioned this to my husband and he said (like you all did) that I should've told him I wanted a picture because he would've taken any picture I wanted. He also pointed out that when he got a picture of him and his dad without me, that was because there wasn't a third party to take a picture of me, him and FIL. He said that if I wanted to have one made I should've told him when the other guests arrived and he would've had it done. So, lesson learned for me! Thanks everyone!

[Webgoji]

Originally Posted by janesmith14

Thanks for everyone's responses! I mentioned this to my husband and he said (like you all did) that I should've told him I wanted a picture because he would've taken any picture I wanted. He also pointed out that when he got a picture of him and his dad without me, that was because there wasn't a third party to take a picture of me, him and FIL. He said that if I wanted to have one made I should've told him when the other guests arrived and he would've had it done. So, lesson learned for me! Thanks everyone!

Mmm ... by the by. Keep an eye on things with this type of situation. It's really easy to end up feeling like you aren't part of a couple in social situations like this. Like you have to push your way into the pictures, like you're the kid nobody wants to play with and you have to stand at the end of the playground and keep asking to play with them.

Your husband should be sure to keep you in mind and be cognizant of your feelings in these situations. He should make you part of the group, not just a tag-along (that's the situation I'm in). Just make sure you keep that give and take going.

[Rose76]

It's great that you figured out how to resolve the photo problem. Now look at the bigger problem that is represented here. You are wanting a lot of reassurance from others that you are wanted by them. Think about where that is coming from. Deep down this is not about the photographs.

[janesmith14]

Originally Posted by Rose76

It's great that you figured out how to resolve the photo problem. Now look at the bigger problem that is represented here. You are wanting a lot of reassurance from others that you are wanted by them. Think about where that is coming from. Deep down this is not about the photographs.

You are right, Rose76. I have felt like I've needed more reassurance from my husband since his mom passed over nine months ago. Since her passing, he has been very focused on her and always talked about how great she is (she was a wonderful person). He still treats me good and pays attention to me, and tells me I'm a wonderful wife, but he has been extra focused on his mother and also on his father who is still living. Since our marriage 7 months ago, we have had very little alone time except when we go to bed because we are living with his father until our house is finished. Even after the house is finished my husband wants to visit his father every day. So, I guess I am feeling a little neglected. I've talked with my husband about this but he just says I don't understand what he is going through. So I guess I'm being more nit-picky these days over small stuff--hence the post about the photographs. Thanks so much for you advice