It has been 5 months now, I feel stuck and ashamed

I would never think of him like that. Not him. Such huge part of my life is supposed to be erased because it was lies. All words, everything he told me, promised. I know you must be right but i didn't just love him I also felt loved too. We've been through so much, what he did is a betrayal, to just do it like that, every time I think about it I cry. Obviously I find it hard to accept it all took him a day to destroy my life like that. Anyway. . Thanks again. I will do my best to stop trying to reach out to him.

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Maybe he chooses to opt out of facing your pain or of trying to give you any decent explanation. Maybe he doesn't have any decent explanation. Maybe when he's on drugs is the only time he believes he needs a close relationship, and after rehab he's not or believes he's not the kind of person for a close relationship, maybe he believes being in relationship was keeping him in his drug problem?? Maybe he's in denial of some kind, or flipped into a dissociative or other such state and so just blocks you out cos his former life with you doesn't gel with his current view of himself.
Either way, especially by how he's treating you now, you can see he's not fit for you, not capable of respecting love, not worthy of the love you gave him and are trying to still give him, nor even of respect ...
I'm so so sorry for the nasty way you were treated and the hole that left in you. It will heal, especially as you do let yourself accept that you suffered a shocking loss that won't be undone. You loved in good faith; now you need to find ways to be loving to yourself and let your heart grieve and be gradually restored.

Yup exactly as river says xxx did I say things right too? I hope
I did xxx

Thank you, my mother did tell me that maybe he is just a coward and doesn't want to hear or see me being in pain but I thought now that it's been almost half a year he would be ok talking to me about it. We tried talking like friends but once I mentioned our past he started ignoring me all over again. I don't think he changed completely. . I don't know if it had such big influence on him, all I know is that he is trying hard to get better physically and he god a new job. I am even afraid to think if he has another woman. Me and him we both valued families and we're happy to think about our own one.

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Of course you did. I'm so lost that all this is really valuable to me

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I just hope u see the light honey and do right by your feelings. Xxx am off to bed now but feel free to pm when u feel anxious or whatever xx

Thank you. You won't have to wait for too long, I'll pm to you

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No problemo xxx

I recommended a book for you and it sounds like you have not read it as you are doing exactly opposite what the book says, sorry to be so harsh but until you accept that he does not want you, you will be stuck in this cycle.

If you talking about the book called how to move on after your break up, then I did read it.

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Glad that you read it and am sorry that you are still going through the pain, i know what you are feeling lost my partner to drugs and a new druggy boyfriend and we were together 15 years

Moving on is not impossible, I don't mean to sound harsh, but you are the only one standing in your own way.

Instead of accepting his answer of "don't trust a drug addict" etc, you choose to believe there MUST be more, and you get stuck on the belief that you are owed a more indepth or more meaningful explanation.

Instead of focusing on the fact that you were rejected and use that bitter hard truth to move on, you are fixated on why were you rejected. Why is inconsequential at this point, its been months and the why's he's given you haven't been good enough.

In short my dear, you are complicating your own life. Push him off of this darn pedestal you've placed him on and see him for what he is.

A man who woke up from his drug coma and decided that he doesn't want you as part of his sobriety.

Considering that all things that he said came into me out of nowhere, yeah I do believe I deserve more answers, one day someone calls you and tells you how much they miss you, talks to you about what we will do when we are together again, how are things at home etc. And the day after he says he doesn't need me anymore. And.. i know it silly to say it but methadone isn't cocaine or something like that, his drugs were prescribed by a doctor so he could slowly stop taking it at all, he just never did because methadone is also highly addictive. I was with him around his family and if his behaviour was unusual for him they would have told me. He wasn't out of his mind.

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And I know I am standing on my own way, that's why I'm asking what to do. I'm afraid if accept the answers, they unfortunately so harsh and terrible that it will kill me. I'm doing my best to leave him alone but very often I go back to contacting him

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Hon,
Hate to tell you- but I think he met someone else. Explains why he cut you off, made it a quick phoncall ( he didn't want to cheat- but didn't want to tell the truth). He knows the hurt he has caused you, but selfishly, doesn't want to deal.
The good news - depending - he will probably come back to you, once he gets over the new one. The question then will be, do you want him back?

That's what I said niceguy. Xx

He told me that it's not that, he was in rehab in Iran and then in Dubai and now he is London, he also told me that his therapist advised him to be single for the time of recovery.

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We had a situation when we broke up once and he moved to UK and then few months after he came back to me, so he said he shouldn't have came back that time. It's like he said everything to hurt me.
He got a tattoo on his arm with my name on it, on the phone he told me that he was high and that it was a mistake too

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Lol muay! So true- let me guess, guilty as charged!

Light, honey- we say this coz we care. He is guilty- not that it will help. It's not you, really- I used to hate hearing that. But it's not. They want to see what else is out there- which is not a reflection on you, it simply means they are scared - afraid to be in one place, with one person for too long. So they meet someone who is totally wrong, which means they can try again in a few months with Someone else.
I am not a jerk, I know you don't want to believe it, hell, you probably won't. That's ok too- hey we are strangers, what do we know?
But the reality is, he cares enough not to hurt you directly. He care enough about himself to not tell you the truth and risk a verbal bashing.
Trust me one day he will return.
Oh and just one more thing- stop and think- there is always signs, many signs that we ignore. Go over it carefully. Nothing happens overnight, unfortunately.
I wish you all the love in the world and ability to move on xxx

I don't know. I just don't think that Iran or rehab is a place to meet someone. He claims he doesn't love me anymore and I accept it. Trust me he said enough to hurt me, he could have said that he found someone - wouldn't hurt any less or more. I wanted to know the truth and I wanted to know if I actually knew the real him. If "us" was real. I never give up on our relationship and he used to admire that. Now is the first time when I just don't have other choice, I asked him if I should come to London and visit him, he said no. I don't wanna hurt him either. .. but so incredibly hard to let go

Was actually in Iran or u presume he actually went there? Weird place to go to rehab if ya ask me... Unless he's from there? Is he Arabian?
I wouldn't even bother thinking that , he will only push u more away if he thinks ur guna stalk him or something Hun. Xxx

His dad is from there, he is had British half Iranian. As his dad was paying for everything he took him to Iran to do it, it's much cheaper over there, plus drugs is a bug issue in that country. I know for sure coz we were buying tickets and all and I was calling there and his mam and all his family was in touch with me and him while he was in rehab.

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Don't they usually do arranged marages? Is the dad full? I work with a guy from Afghanistan- obv different - but even out here, in Australia he was set up for marriage! It is the culture...
Still, mayb his councillor told him to cut off all outside contact- until he is in a sobor state that is a possibility!?
All the best xxx

Yeah Arabian cultures usually marry into their family don't they? Cultural differences could be a factor xxx

Oh well no, he was raised and born in UK and he is not religious at all himself. His brothers and sisters date whoever they want. I know that councillor told him not to come back to same environment but i had to stay here for another year and he said that he it's ok for another year.. but well. . Maybe it wasn't ok

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