[aleej28]

I wasn't sure where to post this to get the understanding or advice I need so I'm copying my post to here from women's issues...sorry!

I've never been the type of girl to think I'm not enough or I'm not good enough for my boyfriend...but I can't stop thinking this way since I started dating one of my best friends a few months ago. He's been a very close friend for years so I've met his past girlfriends, I know his type, hell he dated one of my really good friends a couple years ago and she was the beautiful cheerleader when we were in high school with the corny-teen-comedy sorority girl type face and body....someone who gets a hundred likes for each dumb selfie she posts (she broke up with him via text after 3 months so we're not that close anymore). Anyway, I'm not that type of girl, at all, and all 5 girls he's been involved with in some way (mostly just dating, he's only been intimate with a couple people including me) fit that hot blonde stereotype and I'm just the average looking friend. It's really starting to bother me...I know I'll get the "but he likes you for you" posts but that doesn't really help, you know? We've always had fun together as friends and we still do, it's just different...and it feels like I don't have much time left and I wanna break it off before I get seriously hurt and damage our friendship. I've been driving myself crazy for months making sure I always look and certain way to come close to these other girls and I can't and I'm so tired of stressing about it. I miss not caring.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk

I understand what you're saying as I feel the same way, hence my name -notgoodenuf. I picked that name because I've always felt that way. Once I was seeing this guy who started out as a friend then turned into a boyfriend who dumped me for someone better looking. Funny that it took me some time to actually fall in love with him but once I did, wham! It wasn't long after that when he left me. Your guy sounds so much better than mine. Don't lose him just because you don't feel good enough. He obviously likes you for all that you are. You don't have to be blonde or look like a model to be beautiful. Maybe you've found one of those rare men who just loves YOU! It will never happen for me but it has happened for you. Don't lose that dude o.k.?

[healingme4me]

Before you became official with your friend, the stress wasn't there. Now that you are with him, you are trying to appeal to what you have known him to like. Changing how you are, even if physically, to appeal to your own fears of not being good enough for him, seems, to be playing on your mind. He did like you before this. Which, I know, isn't what you wanted to hear, you clearly stated that.

And now, you are considering ending it, because, it's?? too stressful to be something that you aren't? And for fear of getting hurt, hurt him first?

I am not sure, after hurting him, your friendship will go back to being the same? Maybe, he wanted a friend first, girlfriend second scenario? I am not sure. How did he come to decide involvement with his best friend? Isn't that the ideal of a relationship? Being best friends?

[aleej28]

I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with bpd, I'm bad at all types of relationships. Idk how it happened, just one day we were texting more than usual and he started sending me good morning texts and then a couple weeks later we kissed and that was pretty much it. We worked together so we kept it a secret for a month or so. I know it seems like I'm making a big deal out of nothing and as much as I want it to, I can't make the insecure feeling go away or the constant stressing about trying to fit "his type" of girl mold. It should be ideal, but instead of losing a boyfriend, id be losing a close friend too and that would double suck. I'm sorry if this is so whiney, this whole thing has mostly stemmed off of a joke he made about another girl he used to like the other night and I've been feeling awful ever since.

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk

[hannabee]

So what was the joke? Maybe that would help us to understand more?? My first thought is that the other women were his "type" why did those relationships end? Could it be because they weren't really his type????

[aleej28]

He used to have a crush on my friend before we started dating and when he'd want to hang out and I couldn't he'd just say "ill just go ask Lauren (my friend) instead". So the other night he wanted to go get food at this restaurant I don't like so he made the joke again. But we're dating now so it's not the same. Does that make my uneasiness a little bit more rational now? I do feel ridiculous feeling like this but i can't help it

Sent from my SCH-I545 using Tapatalk