[niceguy]

Q: At what point, are you free from "unconditional love"....

Is there a point in life, where after you have given all (and then some),

you are free to reneg on the 'unconditional love' you vowed to show for

always?

[msxyz]

I assume you are talking about adult relationship and I don't think love between adults is, or is supposed to be, unconditional. If you abuse me I am not going to love you, to expect that is unreasonable.

I think, to some extent Akama is right. Of course, the only way I would give my love for someone would be after I'm 100% sure that I understand at least some of how they think and can predict how they act. I refuse to be abused and if I were in a situation I would think they broke the bond first so I'm free to follow and leave. But I definitely know I have soft spots for a few people and would care for them regardless of how ridiculous they're being. So if that's what you think unconditional love is then yes. There are people that I will always pick up the phone or drive across town for.

Of course, there are times where you shouldn't be together with someone else and I feel like that is an act of love too. For yourself and for the other person you don't fit with. Space and distance is important.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that a major part of unconditional love is to love yourself as well. You have to do what is best for the both of you and as long as you have that in your mind it is still caring.

[healingme4me]

Had such a discussion, once, many moons ago, about 'unconditional love' and if it can actually exist between two people?

On a spiritual plane, there can be unconditional love, if you have faith in such beliefs, but that's not between two people.

Though, two people, can promise love to one another, there are conditions. As Akama, alludes to. If you abuse me, I don't have to love you.

To choose to love another person, it's because there are characteristics about that person, that one grows to love. And, the expectation/condition, is about being treated with respect, and to be treated lovingly, in return.

I suppose, one could bring children into the discussion, but that's also kind of here nor there, because you can easily read stories of people who haven't been treated lovingly by their parents, and vice versa.

Some people sense some type of moral obligation, due to their convictions in life, where if they make a promise, promises aren't made to be broken, types of convictions. That brings about altruism, where love is a sense of obligation, through guilt inducing tactics by the other. At that point, is it still 'love' or has it become something, a little more different than love? Does one start feeling 'sorry' for the other, and isn't that now, something similar to 'pity'?

[niceguy]

Hi guys, Great question it seems as everyone has a strong point of view- awesome!!

I personally was referring to what 'Healing4me' said, from the moral standpoint, of i gave my word. Now, I feel as was discussed my emotions were used against me for a long time (years) based on some dim-witted promise i made nearly ten years ago. One of which i would have honoured, had things not reached the point it has.

Now, i regret all of the wasted time i spent, continually trying to ensure i followed through on this promise. I wish i had never said it, because it continually messed with my head- and here i am today.

I appreciate everyones view though and ofcourse physical abuse is a big "hell no!!"
However, if i was manipulated into believing i owed someone something as i did. I can also understand how others would also misconstrue the situation in an abusive relationship and feel that they do continue to owe their abuser, that same sense of unconditional love.

There is also one more type, i still believe in and that is between (some-not all) parents and children. My mother and father have shown me unconditional love and always will; i believe. That is one blessing, that has taught me how to show it to others.

[NWgirl2013]

For me, all bets are off if trust is broken. Unconditional is a meaningless term really, IMHO. We all have expectations, these are conditions. Right?
Or am I just in a cranky mood because it is hitting a little too close to home?

[lightinthesky]

I think at some point we free ourselves. I doubt it can happen naturally because love like that tend to last forever simply because feelings are very strong but I see people including myself who can decide one day that this is ruining their life and you just need to stop, like stop smoking or stop taking drugs and then you do everything it takes to stay "sober". Do you realize that you need it? Do you want it? Then do it.
I understand that we never would if it we were getting same thing back, if we also felt loved and cared about, but if not then it is going to eat you up. You just need to decide for yourself that it's time to stop.

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