[Marshellette]

I think we only get one chance. Because if you like someone, there is always someone you like just a fraction of a bit more. Someone who is what you want. I lost the love of my life at Christmas this year. We had been together three years. I still cry and feel so sad it feels as if someone has kicked me in the stomach. I tried to replicate it with someone else but I didn't feel much for him. However, he is comforting to me, this second person and five years younger. I am 27, (he is 22) aaah! Getting comfort from little boys a bad idea? This 22 year old and me, we pretty much sit around in his grungy apartment, he smokes pot and we listen to music and ****. It's simple, it's easy. It might be mechanical on my part but it takes the pain away...

[Frankbtl]

Hi Marshellette, I'm thinking that maybe you haven't really given yourself the time and space to work through your breakup?? And it really isn't that long since you split considering your feelings for them and the length of time you were together, is it?
While it's really good that you've tried moving on somethings you just can't replicate. Although that's not to say that you can't still gradually move on in time, put the past more behind you, and even find a much better relationship. It may not seem like that now- but just know that it is possible!!
And while you're going through the pain from your breakup and vivid memories of what you had (?) you are unlikely to feel as much for the new guy. In fact you're unlikely to feel as much for anyone else right now. It's maybe not as much about him/them it's more about what you're going through and once that eases a bit then maybe/maybe not you're going to find that you care just as much/even more about the new guy. But if not him then someone else.
So maybe allow yourself to acknowledge that you had something good, but aim on coming to accept that it's not there anymore (somethings just aren't meant to be), and there can be more out there. I know that may sound much easier said than done and if you're fighting some depression.........but maybe do all you can for yourself to work through the feelings themselves and the situation right now.
If the new guy is a comfort then that's great if you can see him as just that right now and it can help a lot sharing the way you're feeling and getting support from others. But maybe extend that into doing different things too (instead of just "sitting around his grungy apartment,,,,,,,,,") with or without him a bit at a time.
There are going to be other chances out there when the time comes and when you're ready for them.
Best wishes
Alison
P.S. About the age difference. That really needn't be an issue if you two do really get it together in the future. I'd say it's much more about the connection, and if anything his "level of maturity". Some 22 year old's can be way more "mature", understanding, caring, supportive.........you get the picture?? than some 30, 40, 50 year old guys. It just depends on the person.

[neenapaloosa]

That's not truth.I was going out with this guy who never accepted the end of his relationship and turned into an alcoholic because he thinks love only happens once in our lives.That's nothing but a lie.

We need to fall in love many times until we find that one right person to lean on.When a relationship ends,it means it's time to move on.It wasn't written in the stars,don't insist.Hearts will break and love will come if you just wait.

Stay strong.Hugs!! :-)

[healingme4me]

After a breakup, it's common to feel as though that was your only chance, at love. It's not true.
Be kind to yourself, it takes time to recover from a heart break.
The only thing, about new guy, and 'replicating', are you being honest with him about where you are emotionally?

Sent from my LG-MS910 using Tapatalk 2

[henrydavidtherobot]

There are 7 billion people here. Think you only get one?

[justbeingme80]

I know how you feel. I lost what I considered the love of my life to a drug overdose. It's been a few years now and I still miss him. I think you need to give yourself more time. It does get better with time and now I'm ready to start trying to date again. No one will ever replace him in my heart, but there must be someone else out there for me, and for you too. Sometimes I still think he was the only one for me, but I figured I needed to try again. I would just give it time. It's taken me 4-5 years to get to this point. You'll get there one day too. (((hugs)))

I'm 51, I have been fortunate to find love several times. I've also been heartbroken, lots of bandaids on my poor heart. I would never trade for any of them either.

[LadyShadow]

I have loved twice in my life and I thought the way you are thinking too. I was even more devastated than you though. I was really depressed and made some really stupid decisions. It seems like you are trying to replace him quickly and honestly there is no quick fix. You need some time for personal reflection and time with yourself.

But there is more loves out there for you. Keep your head up

[CaptainChaos79]

While I can totally relate to lost love 100% I also believe we love who we choose to love. Love is a choice. If we are open to love we will find it....eventually even if it means getting hurt occasionally.

Originally Posted by Marshellette

I think we only get one chance. Because if you like someone, there is always someone you like just a fraction of a bit more. Someone who is what you want. I lost the love of my life at Christmas this year. We had been together three years. I still cry and feel so sad it feels as if someone has kicked me in the stomach. I tried to replicate it with someone else but I didn't feel much for him. However, he is comforting to me, this second person and five years younger. I am 27, (he is 22) aaah! Getting comfort from little boys a bad idea? This 22 year old and me, we pretty much sit around in his grungy apartment, he smokes pot and we listen to music and ****. It's simple, it's easy. It might be mechanical on my part but it takes the pain away...

I don't think this has anything to do with having only one chance. The way you put it, "I tried to replicate it..." sounds way too much like you're trying to make something happen and unfortunately it so does not work that way. After a major break up you need time to work on yourself, grow and learn and become independent again, you need to be content in YOU first and in time something will happen with someone again. We don't get only one chance, I do not believe that but i believe many people try too hard too fast.

I was with my ex for 13+ years, married, had kids.. but I did not love her. When we split, the fact is it took me even 2 years to get on my feet myself. I didn't love her, how much more difficult for someone like you who did love their partner?

Also, really? 5 years? He's not a little boy and you're not old. I personally don't find age to be an issue at all in relationships but even if so in your case that's not even a large gap. So I wouldn't worry about that issue at all.