[Whoaminoone]

I usually post in another forum, but this seemed more appropriate here. My husband...where to even start! Pretty much, every little thing about him annoys the day lights out of me!
Let me back up a bit...we were separated for 2 years due to his alcoholism and abuse. 4 months ago I moved back in after a lot of guilt trips about how we needed to work it out 'for the kids'. He made all kinds of promises about how it would be different this time. I was skeptical, but felt so guilty with the kids always saying they wanted him that I came back. The first month he was great. Then the drinking started becoming more frequent again. So far, it's not back to what it was...but I can see it headed there.
The major difference this time is he basically just ignores us all, except to tell me how I don't do anything right! He hasn't gotten physical though (yet). Its like he's still manipulating me, but he's found a different tactic.
I'm so confused! Part of me wants to leave for good, but now I have no where to go, and my kids still want to stay! Part of me has resigned to the fact that this is my life...like it or not. I just feel so miserable and like I'm constantly tip toeing around so as not to set him off.
I just needed to vent a little. I just want to go to sleep and never worry about things again

[healingme4me]

How old are your kids? Absent parenting, sounds like what he's doing, with derogatory remarks. I 'love' how emotionally absent parents make themselves sound like 'involved' parents, due to their very physical presence and bill paying abilities.
It's no wonder you feel like you do. 'no place to go now'(trapped), 'want to go to sleep'(depressed)) i was reading an outline on custody through the ABA(American Bar Association), for judges, tonight. Towards the bottom, bullets on age ranges of kids and behavioral effects of witnessing abuse, physical or otherwise, in the home. Astounding. Are your kids, fighting more, with each other?

you aren't alone, one return, after a dropped restraining order, thanks to his lawyer, and not enough evidence to judge of safety, i bawled, and screamed out how i just want to die. That was the '09 one, right after anniversary, drunk and on my case, for cheating on him. Which wasn't true. Was on a forum, not carrying on with anyone..

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[Whoaminoone]

Our kids are 10, 7, 4, and 2 (about to turn 3 in a couple weeks). I also have a 19 & 17 yr old from a previous marriage, but they are no longer at home.
I have noticed our kids fighting A LOT more with each other lately. The 10 yo in particular is especially bad to throw out derogatory comments to the younger ones (particularly the 7 yo). I can see the effects on them... Yet, anytime I mention possibly leaving they all get incredibly upset and I'm the bad guy who 'just wants to be mean to them and daddy'.

[Maria38Divine]

I'm thinking you need a safe haven--a healthy environment for you and your children. They may hate you now, but as they mature and become enlightened, they'll see it as you doing what was in their best interest. Any parents or close relatives you can lean on during this time?

[healingme4me]

you don't have to discuss, anything with them, until you've made your plans. Legally speaking, they aren't even at the age of consent. This is about you, your wellbeing, which translates to their own.
My oldest, is the only one who knows I'm considering moving out of state, and only found out by chance. If anything, he embraces the notion. Had to disclaim with him, it's up to a judge to decide.

In your case, sounds like a volatile situation. Make your choices, without their input. They'll recover, if you are feeling confident about whatever choice you decide. They are kids, not confidantes.

It will sort out, as you get through your own emotions and inner conflicts.


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